Worship
by beegurl13
Summary: "Age shouldn't matter. When you meet the person that completes all the unfinished parts of you, it shouldn't matter about anything else." The story of a brazen young man, an invisible woman, and an unholy worship. E&B, AH, rated M, drabble-ish type fic.
1. Chapter 1 Laugh

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, I would have included in Rpattz's contract that he had to spend one day a month with me, for the rest of his life. :) Doing whatever I wanted him to do. :) :) Each chapter I'll tell you something I'd have him do. And no, these won't all be lemony or M rated... Though that does sound fun. :D This time he'd be folding my laundry 'cause ugh...those hands he has...**

**This is my first attempt at a drabble-ish type story. I'm wordy, you know it's still gonna be long. Chapters will alternate between Bella and Edward's POV. The banner for this is linked on my profile here. It's simple and gives a couple hints to this story. I like it...**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. Just like in real life...according to my children. Whatever.**

**This ****is**** for ****my ****wifey, **_**Mrs.**__**Robward**_**.**** She's**** writing ****me ****the ****most ****angsty, ****hot, ****wonderful**** drabble**** fic, ****so**** I'm ****writing ****this ****for ****her. ****Check ****out**** her ****story ** _**Might **__**Have **__**Been**_**, ****if ****you ****haven't ****already. ****And ****make ****sure ****to ****tell ****her ****how ****much ****you ****love ****it. ****It's ****so ****good...exactly ****my ****brand ****of ****angstiness. ****:D ****Stacy, ****I ****hope ****I ****can ****make**** you ****swoon ****and ****maybe ****blush ****a ****little**** bit...the**** way ****you ****always ****do ****to ****me. ****I ****love ****you, ****more ****than**** you ****know. ****You're ****my ****angsty, ****black ****hearted ****twin...my ****fan**** fic**** soul****mate...crazy ****girl... ****:)**

**Thanks ****to **_**Luxure**_ **for ****prereading ****this ****and**** encouraging ****me. ****She**** says**** it's**** not**** horrible**** crap,**** and**** it ****might**** be ****one**** of**** her**** favorite**** things**** ever.**** I**** hope ****so...**

****disclaimer ****

**This fic deals with some taboo subjects. Please beware and if it's not your thing, don't read it. No blood, no foul. Also, Edward is 18 in the beginning of this, and nothing is done with him when he's still underage. Don't worry about that. :)**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter One - Laugh … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

Hymns waft through the air, a choir singing their praises.

He sits on the stand, looking out over his congregation. His flock.

He's a good leader, shepherd. Responsible. True.

I should be happy with him. Everyone thinks I am, that's what they say. That's what they see.

I glance down the row next to me, shushing my youngest, making him still and silent. That's when I see her face, the way she's watching something.

It's you.

At the front of the room, you stand alongside the other altar boys, so caught up in your duty. The way he is.

Her face blushes with adoration, longing, love. Or what she thinks is love. I know better. She's only 17, she doesn't know enough yet.

She catches your eye.

I catch my breath.

You caught my heart, and you don't even know it.

Yet.

Squirming in my seat, I feel the hard bench beneath me. I wish it was you hard beneath me.

Your eyes sweep past me, pausing to lock on my face. I look down.

It's wrong, but I can't stop.

When services end, she goes to you, leans into you.

Your arm is around her shoulders, as you laugh with her and the others near you. I want to be near you, to laugh with you. Instead I stand with him.

I never laugh with him, not anymore.

Smiling, I keep up the charade for one more week. Gossipy old women walk past, satisfied that things are good, right, perfect as they think they should be.

Perfect isn't this.

Perfect is you.

Perfect is you with me, and no one else knowing.

Perfect is what I dream of, what I want most. What I long for.

Perfect was last night at my father's old barn, with you buried inside of me while I screamed.

I don't worship in a church, I worship in a field, with you all around me.

You are perfection, and I'm blinded by you.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Another chapter tonight. We'll hear from Edward. Hope you're ready... :)**

**Reviews ****are ****better**** than**** altar ****boys**** (though**** don't**** tell**_** EdwardsBloodType**_ **that).**

**Leave one.**


	2. Chapter 2  Broken

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be rubbing my hip right now, 'cause it hurts like a mother... :D Yay for 2 ½ hours of sleep last night. Ahhhh, blessed Ibuprofen pills... :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. Like always, that's nothing new.**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. Check out her drabble fic **_**Might Have Been**_**. She's writing it for me...her fanfic favorite girlie. At least that's what she tells me... :)**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. Dirty girls... :D They're all over the naughtiness of this story. :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. You'll understand more as we go along. Edward is 18, nothing illegal is happening. Bella is 35. The "She" will be introduced in due time...  
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**When Bella says "You" she means Edward and when Edward says "You" he means Bella. They're talking to each other in this. In their thoughts, anyway. And the "He" or "Him" or "His" is Bella's husband, the Reverend.**

**Like I said, you'll learn more as we go along. :) Until then, enjoy the ride.**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**… Chapter Two - Broken … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

Her skin isn't as soft as yours.

Her hair smells the same, the same shampoo, but it's not the same. It's just wrong enough.

Seeing you with him hurts me, breaks me.

He can't love you the way I do.

He can't touch you the way I do.

You told me, I know. Yet you stand with him, smile for him.

It's not the smiles you give to me. The ones that light up your whole face.

I can see your smile in her, and it calms me, makes things bearable.

If I can't have you, I can have her, right?

The next best thing to you.

"You coming over tonight?" she asks, her face full of hope and happiness.

My lips find her cheek, nodding assurance that I'll be there.

I can't pass up a chance to see you, even if it's under the guise of seeing her.

She would break if she ever found out about us, about the way I feel for you.

At least then, she and I would match. We'd both be broken.

Broken over you.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Another chapter tomorrow. We'll hear from Bella again. Things will be picking up.**

**Reviews are better than Edward knowing the shampoo you use. **

**Leave one.**

**(Oh, and I'm totally borrowing this little way of asking for reviews from Bratty-Vamp, but she left the fandom, and I don't think she cares. If she does, then maybe it'll make her email me so I can yell about her disappearing. :D )**


	3. Chapter 3 Closet

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be washing my dishes right now, 'cause I don't wanna do them. Plus him...wet...oh golly.**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. Just the usual, you know.**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. Her drabble fic **_**Might Have Been **_**is for me...just like all the songs she dedicates to me on Twitter. I love that.**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. I fear I may have killed them with this. They're awfully quiet...**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. You'll get more parts of the story with each chapter. :)**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Three - Closet … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

"Shhh, don't talk," I whisper.

You're so loud when you cum, but maybe that's just with me.

Are you loud when you cum for her? Do you cum for her?

I know you've had sex with her, she asked for birth control pills a few months ago.

That was before I knew you, before I wanted you.

Her father doesn't know about you and her. He'd throw you out of the house if he did.

That's unacceptable.

Then I couldn't see you.

And I need to see you. More than this little bit I'm allowed.

"Did you finish?" you ask.

My head shakes, and I see you kneel down in the dark, your mouth level with my bareness.

Your hand finds my thigh, lifts my leg to your shoulder, as your tongue flicks out.

I'm lost in ecstasy, fingers weaving through your hair as I pull you closer, deeper.

"Yeah, more," I whimper.

You don't disappoint. You never disappoint.

I wonder where you learned this.

I wonder if it was with her, with my daughter.

Has she felt your tongue before? Does she cum in your mouth the way I do?

Does she taste like I do?

My body shakes as you push me over the edge. My toes curl. My mouth hangs open, barely holding back a moan.

You stand, pulling me tight against you, kissing me.

I taste myself on your lips, and I want it always.

"I have a ball game this week, are you coming?" you ask, breathless, as your hands rub over my tits.

"Of course."

"My first touchdown's for you."

I'm giddy, like I was in high school, when I met him.

I wish it had been you, but that was years ago. Why couldn't it be now? Why can't I be her?

Your pants are buckled quickly before you leave me alone in the dark closet, stopping by the bathroom to wash my smell from you.

You still have to kiss her goodnight.

What I wouldn't give for that kiss.

I don't go back downstairs, I just go to bed. I can't see you with her, see her love you.

He's there, waiting. His touch doesn't feel like yours, and I picture you when he's on top of me, inside of me.

I wish it was you.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Another chapter tonight.**

**Reviews are better than being in a closet with Edward. (Wait, no they're not, not much could top that.)**

**Leave one.**


	4. Chapter 4 Tree House

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would have gone to parent-teacher conferences with me today, distracted the teachers with all his pretty so that they wouldn't have yelled at me so much.**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. But I have ice cream to help dull the pain, so it's cool.**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. Are you reading her drabble**_** Might Have Been**_**? Let me just say, I love her angsty, cold as ice heart. She writes that story so good... :)**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. I were ever to take on mistresses... :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. You'll get more parts of the story with each chapter. :) And yes, there will be longer chapters spread throughout this. Let's keep in mind that Edward is a jealous 18 year old boy/man, okay? :)**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Four - Tree House … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

She pulls me outside, against the side of the house. Quiet giggles fill the air.

"Shhh, listen," she says, standing still.

I hear him. The open window above us, his grunts floating through the air.

"Ew, my parents are having sex," she says.

My stomach drops. You're letting him touch you, fill you, the way I was doing only minutes before.

"Come on," she says, pulling me to the back yard. Up a ladder and into the tree house, I follow her.

My heart hurts, I may vomit.

Her shirt is off and her bra gone. Her nipples look like yours.

"Fuck me, Edward."

I do it, because she asked me to. And because you're letting him have you.

I remember what he sounded like as he pounded into you, and I groan as I push into her tight pussy.

She's tighter than you are, but I don't like it.

You told me I'm big, I know I'm bigger than most guys my age.

You like me big.

She likes me big, too. I've heard her tell her friends.

"Edward," she moans, thrashing underneath me. I push harder, sucking on her neck as I do.

Maybe if you see a hickey there tomorrow, you'll know what you did to me by letting him touch you.

"Bella," I whisper, cumming hard inside of her.

She stills. "What?"

"Bella...beautiful." I try to cover my mistake. "You're so beautiful. I thought you liked that foreign language shit."

She smiles, and I see your smile.

"I do, but that's my mom's name. Maybe don't say that one again, okay?" she laughs.

"Never again," I say, promising that I'll never slip again.

Or maybe I'll never be with her again.

This is hard...too hard.

I need you, and I don't like lying to her.

She's too much like you, I can't break her the way I'm broken.

"Thanks for the fuck, baby," she says, laying across the floor naked, catching her breath.

She's fucked. You're fucked. I'm fucked.

This whole thing is fucked.

And I can't stop.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Another chapter tomorrow. More info coming out, like a name. :)**

**(I didn't get all the reviews replied to yet, but I will. My kids are crying "Hungry!" so I should feed them. I suppose...)  
><strong>

**Reviews are better than treehouses.**

**Leave one.**


	5. Chapter 5 Hickey

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be posing for me as I try to find pictures so I can make my wifey a banner for her story.**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. But seriously, I screw up all the time, it's no big thing.**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She likes my mediocre Photoshop skills. I love her for that.**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. They're so cute...and funny. :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. Finally, a name to put with the "she" face. :)**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Five - Hickey … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

There's a bruise on her neck.

I know it's from you.

You left it there on purpose, I can feel it.

I didn't notice the window open until after he was done last night. Your car was still outside when I looked.

I should have stayed in, but I had to know.

In my nightgown, bare feet, I checked the house. You weren't here.

The porch was empty, which only left one place.

Half way across the yard I could hear you, making the same sounds you make when you're with me.

I froze, listening to you. Hearing her come undone in your hands.

Then you said my name...

My heart stopped.

You covered it up, and I ran for the house, crying in the kitchen until I heard her come inside, go upstairs to her room.

I watched your taillights fade in the distance.

I wished I was in the car with you.

She sits at the kitchen table, proudly displaying her hickey. I'm sure it's more for her friends at school than for me.

She doesn't know how I feel about you.

She's 17, she doesn't pay attention to anyone else's wants or needs.

The week passes like it always does. My mind is focused on Friday, when I'll get to see you again.

I'm not expecting your car in my driveway Friday morning.

Leah runs out the door, yelling her goodbye, as I wave.

Your eyes are on me, even when she leans across your center console and kisses your cheek.

I've leaned across that center console, while you sucked my tits, fingering me. It was in the woods that night, after the Fourth of July fireworks.

It was lucky for me that I forgot to turn off the bar-b-que, and you had time to drive me home.

I never forget to turn off the bar-b-que, but no one else knows that.

Night comes and the next time I spot you, you're on the field, in your uniform.

"Next, Senior Running Back, number 19, Edward Cullen!" the announcer says.

The crowd goes wild for you. I can't help the tinge of jealousy I feel over the screaming girls. I watch them swoon all around me.

Leah's on the track, jumping and flipping. She's the perfect cheerleader, cheering on her perfect football playing boyfriend. Everything seems so perfect.

I wish it was. I wish that was me on the track, the way it was 18 years ago. When I caught his eye.

I wish it had been yours.

Five minutes into the game, you make your first touchdown. You know where I sit, always the same place.

Your helmet's angled my direction. You blow a kiss, everyone thinks it's for Leah, who's on the track in front of me.

I know better.

I watch her, seeing the hickey has faded away. Just like your feelings for her.

They weren't as strong as what you feel for me.

They won't ever be, no matter what anyone else says.

Now, to keep you from going to the dance after the game...

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Another chapter tonight. And it's hot... :)**

**Reviews are better than touchdowns.**

**Leave one.**


	6. Chapter 6 Dugout

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be going with me to watch teenage girls play softball tonight, and I'd be singing "Naa-nee-naa-nee-naa-naa" to all of them as they swooned over him and were insanely jealous of me. :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I'm sure you're used to my mistakes by now. **

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. You know that song "Closer" by Ne-Yo? Yeah, it makes me think of her. :) It also reminds me of the Edward in this story. The whole "I just can't stop" thing...so true...**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. They love me. I have no idea why. :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. This chapter is a BIG reason why...**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Six - Dugout … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

I see her after the game, waiting with my friends. I wish she was you.

I know you saw the hickey, I could see it in your eyes when I picked her up this morning. It hurt you.

I'm glad.

You hurt me, too.

All week I've been haunted by the sound of him...having sex with you...grunting and groaning with you.

I didn't hear your voice. Did you like it? Where you under him? Or on top of him?

I never thought about sexual positions until I met you. You taught me.

I used Leah that night. I'm sick about it. It hadn't ever been like that between us before.

I hadn't fucked her since I first kissed you. I couldn't. Until I heard him with you.

"Edward!" she yells. I act like I don't hear her, walking past the group, my head facing the other direction. "Edward!"

I keep walking. I need to get away, I need to see you.

I know you were here, I saw you in the stands. I blew a kiss to you after each touchdown.

I made five for you. The final score of the game meant nothing to me, only you.

Her steps follow me and I hear them getting closer. I turn, ducking into the restroom, knowing there's another exit on the other side of the building.

Hands slap my back as I make my way through, congratulating me on the team's win.

I don't care. I need to find you.

It's dark on the side of the building where I come out, and I run to my car. Parked along the street I see your truck, you're leaning against it.

Dropping my stuff in the trunk, I run across the road, aching to see you. To touch you.

"Bella." My words are soft, quiet. You watch the street, the black underneath us.

We need to hide, before someone sees us. Before she comes looking for me. And I know she will, she knows I'm here. Somewhere.

I grab your hand, pulling you toward the baseball field, and out of sight. The dugouts are quite, vacant, dark.

"I heard you...in the tree house. Is it sick that I wonder if she's as good to you as I am?"

I let out a deep breath, letting my fingers trace along your arm. "I heard you, too. Or him, through the window. That's why I did it. You let him touch you, so I let her touch me. We're even now, right?" I ask.

Your eyes don't hide anything from me. I can see the pain there. The desire, the want, the hurt, the anger...the lust.

"I thought of you the whole time," you whisper, fingers trailing along my jawbone. "I wished it was you."

My eyes slide closed. "I wished she was you. So much."

"I heard...I heard you call her my name."

Looking at you, how close you've gotten to me, I can't stop anymore. "I'm glad."

Pulling your body against mine, my lips are on yours. Pushing, pulling, tugging. Loving.

There's not much time, and I'm glad you wore a dress.

Even gladder when my fingers find no panties underneath.

I sit on the bench, pulling you onto my lap.

My cock is throbbing, crying out for you, and you sink onto me.

I've never felt so complete, content, fulfilled in all my life.

You give and I give right back, promising things I know I can't ever do, can't make happen. I don't care, I want them. With you. Only you.

When it's over, after you've screamed into my shoulder, I let you go. You leave, promising to find me soon.

I watch you walk away, smiling when I see the light glimmer off my cum that's dripping down your leg.

It's disgusting. All of this. My cum, what we did, who we are.

And yet, it's everything to me.

I live for these stolen moments, and I don't think you even realize it.

Yet.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: And no, Edward did NOT go to the dance. :) He went home to dream about his lady love. Another chapter tomorrow.**

**This story was reviewed, along with **_**Mrs. Robward**_**'s story **_**Might Have Been**_**, on **_**PIC FF Corner**_** today. There's a link on my profile. Check out what the simply delectable Mr. Green had to say...**

**Reviews are better than not wearing panties.**

**Leave one.**


	7. Chapter 7 Hotel

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be jumping up and down for joy right now. This little story passed 200 reviews. Yay! **

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. At this point I'm so sleepy, I don't care. :D **

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. You should see her pictures... She's a looker. I lucked out!**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. They got emails today with more chapters of this to read. I'm nervous...**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. Moving on...**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Seven - Hotel … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

Days pass. Weeks pass. Months pass. So much time, so many stolen moments.

Leah cries to me that she thinks you're fooling around behind her back. I'm her mother, I'm supposed to assure her that you love her, that you'd never do that.

I lie. Through my teeth.

I can't wait to see you again, even though I know how much pain I'll cause her if she ever finds out.

Your football team makes the state championships. I'm excited, not for the game. For the hotel room after.

I scrimped and saved a dollar here, five dollars there. I can get my own room and no one will know. We can be together, alone, with no threat of being caught.

You make three touchdowns, and everyone screams for you. It's not enough to win, but it's enough for me. I want you, regardless.

You know you can score with me any time you want, as often as you want. You'll always win.

It's late, I tell him that I'm going to stay with a friend in town. She's having a hard time, divorce and all. He praises me, I'm such a good friend. So charitable.

I'm not. I'm horny and horrible and eternally addicted to you.

The room is dark when I get here. You have the number, I texted it to you. You'll be here soon, so I wait.

Your knock on the door startles me. I didn't know I'd fallen asleep, but I quickly let you in, wanting as much time with you as I can get.

You're tired, sore from the game. I take care of you, rubbing and smoothing and massaging every part of you that aches. Then I rub, smooth, and massage every part of you that aches for me.

You like my red and gold see-through nightie, even though you rip it in two.

The whole night, you spend inside of me, in one way or another. We talk, we laugh, we dream. We sleep.

And I've never slept so good, so peacefully. Your arms are my safe place, forever.

When the morning light cracks through the window, a tear slips down my cheek.

You want to break things off with Leah, to leave her. You can't hurt her anymore and she's begging to be near you, to be intimate with you.

If you leave her, you'll leave me, too. I won't see you anymore. There won't be a reason.

I tell you that I'll advise Leah to slow things down, to take it easy and not move so fast. That way, I can still see you.

You kiss me in the shower, every part of me, before leaving me alone.

I'm sick to my stomach, throwing up over and over again. I'm glad you're not here to see it.

After it passes, the freezing water beats down on me as I cry in the corner of the shower stall.

I'm losing you, yet I never had you.

What's wrong with me?

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Time passes...**

**Don't forget, this story was reviewed, along with **_**Mrs. Robward**_**'s story **_**Might Have Been**_**, on **_**PIC FF Corner**_** yesterday. There's a link on my profile. Check out what the simply delectable Mr. Green had to say...**

**I gave up trying to reply to ALL of the amazing reviews this story got, so if you have an URGENT question, PM me. :) I'm cool like that.**

**Reviews are better than nighties in your school colors.**

**Leave one.**


	8. Chapter 8 Rumors

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be scrambling me some eggs right now. I wanna breakfast burrito, real bad. :D **

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. And this is short, so HOPEFULLY I managed to catch everything. If not...geez... :D I'm a special brand of crazy. :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. You should hear the things she whispers to me in reviews. It's almost indecent! :D**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. I think they're hiding from me. Maybe they don't like what I sent them... :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. Like I said, SHORT. :)**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Eight - Rumors … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

Spring Break is here, bringing sunshine and warmth. Finally, I can get you in my car again, if only I could get time with you.

I hear rumors at home. My mother and the ladies from church, gossiping. Always gossiping.

"Did you hear the Reverend's wife is pregnant?"

"No, I thought they couldn't have any more children. They're youngest is seven."

"I heard he got fixed, and she's been cheating on him."

"Not her, she's so good. Don't you see her, happy and proud at church each week? It can't be true."

I know it's true, but I say nothing.

You've been moody, distant. I wonder if what they said is true. Are you pregnant? Is it mine?

Would you tell me if I asked you?

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Uh oh...who knew? Sex can lead to babies? Really? Shocking. :D Gotta love small town gossip...**

**Reviews are better than spring break with Edward. (Not really, but the chapter's short, soooooo...)**

**Leave one.**


	9. Chapter 9 Positive

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be washing my hair and shaving my legs for me today. He'd do that pretty much every time he visited... :)**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. FYI I'm hungry. Stomach growls could equal missed spelling errors. Sorry if that happens. :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She chats so pretty, talking to me about very naughty, bad things. :D Yeah, we talked about our stories today. :D**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. They're both seeing Breaking Dawn when it comes out in November...but not with me. Maybe someday...**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. Things are coming out. Just wait...**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Nine - Positive … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

The plastic stick in my hand is my undoing.

Positive.

Years ago I would have been elated. If this were a different world, I'd be joyful.

I hate whatever is growing in me.

He'll know. He'll know it's not his.

It can't possibly be his.

"What's that?" he asks, surprising me.

In shock, I hold it out for him to see.

"Pregnant? But, I had a vasectomy, Bella. What's going on here?"

His eyes are questioning, accusing. I'm sure he's heard the rumors. Rumors about me.

No matter how good or kind I am, I know the gossipy bitties at church are talking about me.

If only they knew how true it all was. If only they knew the father of my child was the boy they all prattle on about each week. If only they knew what you were really like when you are alone. Alone with me.

I know they want you. Age does nothing to hide lust, desire. If they had a chance with you, they'd jump at it. I'm no fool, I see it in their eyes.

"Bella? How are you pregnant?" he asks, demanding an answer.

"It's a miracle. A miracle sent from God. I can't believe this."

He looks at me, his hands framing my face. I wish they were your hands.

"Truly? We are blessed, my Bella."

His lips find mine, and for a moment I wish he were enough. I wish the man standing before me could be all I needed. I wish I'd never known the feel of true love, passion, want.

But I do know those things, and he's not all I need. He's not enough.

He never will be.

I hug him, letting tears burn my eyes.

What do I tell you?

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Oh yeah...just wait.**

**Reviews are better than rumors in a small town.**

**Leave one.**


	10. Chapter 10 Bump

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be mopping my kitchen floor right now. What? I can't get the kids to do it, plus he has those nice biceps... :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. That's how I roll.**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. You should see the angst and heart break she's writing... Oh wait, you will. :D**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. **_** EBT**_** is making a cake today. 3 layers. Sounds yummy...**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. Gotta mention something about last chapter. Bella's husband, buying the pregnancy thing. We all know that sometimes men have vasectomies and then go on to father children. Sometimes the things just don't take, or the tubes will not be cut, or those little swimmers are just determined little cusses. :D Anyway, The Reverend is very much about the whole God's Plan and destiny and if something is supposed to happen, it will, kinda thing. Remember, he and Bella**_** are**_** having sex, when he wants to. It's just not good for Bella. He probably thinks it's great, but we'll get a bit more insight on his thoughts later in the story. For now, he buys it that this is his child. He's never had a reason to doubt Bella before, she's always just done what he wanted. So why would he start now? That being said...the next chapter. :D**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Ten - Bump … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

You avoid me. You drive me mad. You make me take risks I shouldn't.

I have to find you, speak to you, hold you.

Finally, the night of Prom, I see you.

I'm picking up Leah. She's beautiful, her hair curled and long, her eyes so dark and sparkling. If only she were enough for me. How I wish she was the one my heart beats for.

Behind her stands you, looking tired. Sad.

You put on a smile, taking pictures of us. I don't stop looking at you.

When you move, the baggy shirt you're wearing stretches across your belly and I see it.

The bump.

The baby that's growing within you.

It's true. And by the way your eyes glance toward mine, I know you see me looking at you.

You know that I know.

The dance passes by in a daze. I'm not really here, I'm really alone with you, somewhere no one will ever find us. I want that.

"My mom said I can stay out all night," Leah whispers to me, hinting for the intimacy she craves.

I lie.

"I got in trouble. I'm kinda grounded. My mom said I could come here, but then I have to go home. I'll drop you at the party if you want."

Her face drops. She's sad, and it kills me that I'm making her that way. But the need to see you is stronger.

She's riding with her friends, blowing me off and flirting with some guy named Sam. I can see her casting glances at me, seeing if I'm upset.

I'm not. I hope she likes him, that he can make her happy.

I know I can't.

Your husband is out of town, again, some kind of convention.

I know where the spare key is, and I park around the corner, sneaking into the dark house.

You're in your bed, quiet, still. I think you're sleeping, until you move, and I hear you gasp for air.

You're sobbing. Crying.

My heart has never hurt so much.

"Bella?" I whisper, going to you, pulling you into my arms.

"Edward?" you say, looking at me like I'm a crazy person. I probably am. I basically just broke into your house.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask. My fingers wipe away your tears.

Your head shakes, your eyes close, you won't look at me.

"There's nothing to tell."

"You're pregnant. I think I have a right to know," I say, suddenly feeling angry.

"It's not yours, it's his."

Your words cut me, slice through my wounded heart. I know you're lying.

I look in your eyes, and see nothing but pain...and truth.

"This is over, Edward. We can't ever be together, no one would understand. We would destroy my family, and yours. My daughter would hate me forever. I can't do it anymore."

I stumble backward, bumping into the wall, which holds me upright.

"No, Bella don't do this."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Your words are like knives. I have to get away, to leave. I can't be here, knowing you're carrying his child, choosing him over me.

Not when I know that if you asked me to, I'd get in my car and drive to the ends of the earth, just so that I could hide away with you. So that we could be together.

So that I could love you. Freely, openly, the way I want.

But that will never happen.

I nearly fall down the stairs, grief overwhelming me. I need to get away.

I get home, going to my room, locking the door. Keeping everyone out.

My tux hits the floor and I go to my night stand. Tucked deep inside, under the paper lining the bottom, is a picture of you. You don't know I have it.

You're so beautiful in it. It's from your high school year book. Leah showed it to me once in the school library. I copied it the next day.

Your smile is so bright, your hair in a pony tail, your cheer leading shirt riding up just a bit, showing a sliver of your stomach.

My thumb traces over it. I want you so much. Why can't you be that now? Why couldn't I have been born 18 years earlier?

Why can't I be the one making a life with you?

Why can't it be my baby you're carrying?

Why can't I be enough for you?

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Ohhhh, Edward. :( Am I the only one that wants to just wrap him up in a big blanket...and do bad, bad things to him? :D**

**Next chapter...Bella's got some answers for you...insight. You'll like it. :)**

**Reviews are better than dancing with Edward at the Prom.**

**Leave one.**


	11. Chapter 11 Realize

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be writing my review replies. The response to this story has totally overwhelmed me...I'm in shock. :D  
><strong>

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. It's early, I have children everywhere. They think I should feed them before sending them off to school. Picky, picky. :)**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She loves the angsty sadness, as shown by the story she's writing for me. And she made me cry... You're gonna love what she has coming!**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. ****I, I love them like a love song, baby. I, I love them like a love song, baby. I, I love them like a love song, baby. And I keep hitting repeat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat. :D (Sorry, I like teeny bopper songs. :D )**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. I think we're all agreed...poor, heartbroken Edward. :( Don't worry, Bella's not fairing much better. :(**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Eleven - Realize … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

I cry half the night, sobbing about the way I lied to you.

You didn't believe me at first, I could see it in your eyes. But that changed. I convinced you. I hurt you. Maybe ruined you.

My mind wanders back to the first time we spoke, replaying it over and over again. On a loop. An endless loop.

"Mom," she begged, "please! He's so cute, Mom. I promise, I'll be good."

"Leah, you can't single date while you're in high school. You know the rules."

"But Mom, he's one of the altar boys from church, the new one who's so cute. I can't tell him no, Mom. Believe me, if you just saw him..."

I'd seen you. Every woman in church had seen you. You were the new boy, from the new family, the new doctor in town. Lots of rumors swirled around your arrival, but it came down to the military. Your father was a newly retired Army doctor.

I had watched you move, the way your shoulders straightened when you were working. The way your lips puckered when the Reverend approached you, giving you a task to complete. The way your tongue slipped between your lips when you concentrated.

Believe me, I had watched you. My eyes drawn to the 18 year old you who was forbidden to me.

Leah had watched, too. I knew how much she wanted to date you, to maybe love you someday. I wanted it too, for me, but I could never tell anyone.

I'd never felt that feeling before. I was relatively happy, content with my life. I was a good, church going housewife, married to a respected reverend, raising five children. I was far from the gossip columns. Too boring to be spoken about.

You, on the other hand, were ideal for the speculation of old women who had nothing better to do than sit around and talk about pretty boys and their handsome father's.

When you walked onto my front porch, introducing yourself, I thought I would melt right there.

You were everything I had missed out on in my life. All the things I didn't realize were missing.

Suddenly I wanted them. I wanted you.

You shook my hand, sweet with your words, and flirtatious with your eyelashes.

I liked it.

It made me feel alive, for once.

He hadn't paid attention to me like that in ages.

Except when he needed to get laid. Then there was only enough charm to get my pants off and his dick inside me. When he was done, it was over.

He never asked if I'd finished.

Just assumed.

You were different.

I let Leah go with you that first night, and every other night you graced my doorstep.

I was blinded by you, your perfection. Your beauty, charm, wittiness.

You were everything beautiful, different. Everything I wanted.

But you were her's.

When she asked for birth control, my stomach knotted. Not because I didn't want her having sex. She was 16, almost 17. I knew it would happen soon.

I was 15 the first time it happened. Then I met him when I was 16, and once it started, it never stopped.

I was jealous of her. Out of my mind with desire to be the one under you, writhing by your hand.

You didn't know I was alive, until one night you did.

It changed everything.

My whole life.

As I lay on my bed, grieving the end of us, the child growing within my womb, for one second I wished I could take it all back. I could stop myself from taking you.

Then I came to my senses.

I would never change a thing. You were worth all of it.

The pain. The joy. The heartbreak. The anger.

All of it.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: See? Bella's messed up, too. :(**

**Next chapter later today. And it's a good one...trust me. :) Edward's got a memory... :)**

**Reviews are better than flirtatious eyelashes.**

**Leave one.**


	12. Chapter 12 Backseat

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be taking me out on a date tonight. It's Friday night, he could at least feed me. :D But since he's not, maybe I'll let hub's take me. :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. My eyes are blurry from all the review replies I've been typing. I think I'm about half way done. Which sounds good until I realize I have another 150 to go. :D I'm getting there...**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. If only I lived closer to her... She's got the weekend to herself, which would mean I would have her weekend to myself... :D Oh, the things we could do. :D**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. ****They're cute and I hear they've discussed kissing girls. Why was I not in on that conversation? :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. In case you're confused, last chapter was Bella thinking, remembering. This chapter is Edward thinking, remembering their "first time" together. This is still the night of prom, so he just left her house a few hours before. He's still sad... :(**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Twelve - Backseat … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

I grip my cock tighter, pulling harder as I stare at your face in the picture.

You were amazing, the most perfect thing I've ever seen.

I imagine what it would have been like to get you alone after a game, to lift your skirt and slide over your bloomers. Touching you would have been heaven, my tongue seeking out the sticky, trembling flesh between your thighs.

Watching you kick and dance would have made me so hard. I would have grabbed you after each game, pulling you somewhere quiet, alone, where I could grab you, touch you, fuck you. Every time.

As I jerk, my hold tightening, I see stars, recalling the first night I had you in my car.

The backseat was small, but we fit. You and I, fumbling in the backseat together.

The parking lot was dark, deserted, and I had dark tint on my windows. You were nervous, but I was relentless. I had to have you, had to feel you, lick you. I couldn't wait any longer.

There had been days filled with random touches, glances, even a few kisses and gropings. But no intercourse, and I ached for it.

I had sex before, it wasn't my first time. I had sex with Leah a few times before finally getting you alone. I felt bad using her, but once I met you, shook your hand on the front porch that day, I knew there was something more. I had to have you.

Even though it was wrong.

I didn't care.

The night was hot, summer, we were sweating on the leather seats. After laying you down, stripping you and pushing into your wet heat for the second time that night, I reached over, cracking the window open. I needed the cooler air on my skin. You liked the sweat, said it made me glisten.

"Hey, Cullen!" came a yell from outside.

"Shit!" I mumbled. Your eyes were huge.

"No one can find me, do you understand that?" you said, panicking.

"Yeah, I know."

Your head was close to the door, the window barely open. The boys outside couldn't see much, if anything. I reached over, locking the doors.

Riley's face peered into the window crack. "What are you doing in there?" he asked. "Holy fuck, you got a girl in there?"

You cringed, turning your head to the side, letting your hair hide your face. Just in case they saw something.

"Yeah, get outta here."

I was buried in you, and I knew as the guys gathered around the window that they could see where we were joined, how bare you were for me. They could see your tits, too, and I leaned up, growling at them to leave.

It made me proud that they saw us, saw you, especially when I heard them saying how hot you were.

I pumped a few times, letting them watch, before grabbing your tit with one hand, and hitting the window button with the other. Show was over.

They left, giving us our time alone.

"You can look, they're gone."

You breathed heavy. "Did they see me?"

I smiled. "Depends what you mean by that."

Your eyes told me you didn't understand.

"Did they see your tits? Yeah," I said, thrusting into you a few times.

"Did they see your pussy? Oh yeah," I said, thrusting harder.

"Did they see me fucking you? You better believe it," I said, pushing harder still.

"And you know what? They were all hard for you, I could tell. They were jealous, watching me fuck you like this."

You moaned, reaching up to run your fingers along my chest.

"Did you like that? Letting my friends watch us fucking each other?"

"Yes," you moaned.

"You're a dirty girl, aren't you, baby? You like it hot and dirty, don't you? You little choir girl, you like it rough and bad, don't you? Tell me, Bella."

I pounded harder and harder into you, not stopping until I felt you let go, moaning and crying out as you came on my dick.

Squeezing your tits in my hands, I came, shooting my cum deep into your body.

I couldn't stop, I needed the connection with you too much.

We lay on the seat for hours, until you had to go home. The sun was rising, and he would be asking where you'd been.

Watching you walk away from my car, knowing you would be with him, nearly killed me.

But I let you go.

You didn't belong to me.

Not yet, anyway.

I continue to jerk my cock, remembering how perfect you'd been that night.

Thick spurts of cum land on my bare stomach, covering my hand.

As I lay there, remembering you, a tear slides down my face, rolling into my hair.

I miss you. So much.

It has only been a few hours.

I will never make it.

I belong with you.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Ohhhh, he's still so sad. :(**

**Next chapter. Maybe, if you don't mind me not doing review replies for a few chapters, I can post 3 or 4 tomorrow. Let me know...are you willing to give up my pretty and well thought out replies? Wait, I was kinda tired on a few of them, so sorry if they talked about baseball games and pizza toppings and made no sense at all. That's what lack of sleep will do to you. :D**

**Reviews are better than putting on a show.**

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	13. Chapter 13 Heart Beats

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be talking me into my pajamas right now. It's late...he likes to go to bed. :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. Please send all notifications to my "I'll get right on that after I finish everything else on my to do list, and then take a nap" email account. :) Sarcasm, people. :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. Her house is haunted. She hears noises and sees things. It makes me want to drive to where she lives, pack her up, and move her to my house. Well, that's not the only reason I'd do that. :D**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. ****They've assured me that this story is not crap, that they actually love it. I hope they were telling me the truth... :)**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. Little jump in time, not much. Just Prom to June. :)**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Thirteen - Heart Beats … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

It's summer again. Comfort is a thing long forgotten. I can never get comfortable. I'm like a planet, huge, swollen with your child.

You don't know, you believed my lies.

He did too. He rubs his hands over my belly, anxious for the child within me.

I pray every night that it looks like me.

But I know it won't. And he'll know.

So will you.

You tried to see me, to reach me, a few times after the end. I couldn't give in. It was for the best, me pushing you away.

You need better than me.

She's better for you, easier for your life.

I hear your mother talk about how wonderful she is with you, how your mom imagines brown eyed grand babies from my Leah.

If only she knew.

She already has a grand baby on the way. But she'll never know. Not if I can help it.

After graduation, you found me in the kitchen of the church graduation party. Pinned me against the counter as your lips trailed wet kisses along my neck.

"Baby, please, take me back," you begged. Sorrow, anguish in your voice. So tempting, I nearly did.

I had to run before you could see my tears. Before I could crumble, give in.

You left with her soon after, and I watched from my hiding place.

I couldn't help it, I followed you.

To the lake.

I watched you pull her into the back seat, your shadows through the steamed up windows.

I remembered, yearned for what it was like. Being with you like that, your arms around me, your lips on me. You inside of me...

Tears overwhelmed me, wouldn't be denied any longer.

You'll be 19 soon, heading off to college. Leah has cried over it, fearful that she'll lose you.

It killed me to tell her that you'll wait for her, that it will only be a year until she can join you.

Will you want her? Will you be with her forever if I'm not an option?

Will you love her? I want that for her, but from you? I don't know.

I miss so you much. It's wrong, and I can't stop.

Our baby squirms within me, I feel it nudging. It's like the baby knows when I think about you. It always kicks, moves with determination.

It knows you already. It knows you by the beat of my heart.

How my heart only beats for you.

Always.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: I love this Edward. He makes me squishy inside.**

**Next chapter later today. I'm gonna post 4 today. Most of you said you'd rather have 3 or 4 chapters than replies to your reviews, so that's the plan. If I CAN do replies, I will. I still have about 200-250 to do as of this moment, so no promises. But never say never. **

**Reviews are better than Edward pinning you against a counter, begging as he kisses up your neck and whispers... Oh, who am I kidding. Nothing's better than that. Unless maybe it's RPattz... :D**

**Leave one.**


	14. Chapter 14 Dying

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be jumping up and down with me as I freak out and cry at the same time. **_**RoseArcadia**_** made me a blinkie for this. **sniffle** It's so pretty. I linked it on my profile, if it would ever post the right way. :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I try to catch them all, but I don't know... :D My kids and Hubs found some old Pokemon game online, they used to play it ages ago. The theme song keeps running through my head... "Gotta catch 'em all..." Ugh. :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She survived the night with the ghosts. I'm very happy about that. :)**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. ****I love them. Truly.**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. Now June to July. Let's keep in mind that Bella ended things with Edward about mid-April, but she'd been pushing him away for a couple months or so before that. My school Prom's were always in April, so that's what I'm going with. Either way, it's been a while...**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Fourteen - Dying … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

It's the Fourth of July. One year since the first time I kissed you. Since the first time I showed you my feelings.

For weeks you tried to push me away, telling me it was wrong, but I didn't give up.

Luck was on my side when he mentioned the bar-b-que, asking if you'd turned it off.

Your eyes met mine, you gave in. You lied to him. The first of many, but not as many as I wish.

I kissed you, felt you in my car. I came to life that night.

Now I sit on your porch, Leah in my lap, her arms around my shoulders.

She whispers dirty things in my ear. I'm hard for her, but my eyes are locked on you. Across the yard, so beautiful in the sparkling lights that hang in the tree.

He sits at your side, rubbing your feet as your hands trace over your stomach. It's been so long since I've touched you, been with you.

I need it, the connection. I feel like I'm dying. I won't survive losing you.

Leah's hand slips down my chest, between us and grasping at my cock.

"Come on, let's go up to my room. I'm so wet for you, baby," she moans against my cheek.

"Your parents, they'll see. Your dad's scary, babe."

She giggles. "He'll never notice. Come on, let me ride your cock, baby."

I follow her, letting her take me to her bed, lock the door, strip for me.

Her nipples still look like yours. One lick reminds me, they don't taste the same. I close my eyes, choosing to remember what you looked like when you rode me.

I shut off my mind, let my body take over. Show her the love she deserves.

Even though I can't ever give her my heart.

It's yours.

It always will be, no matter what.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Ugh. I love the angst. :D**

**Next chapter later today. I'm posting 4 today, this is number 2. Like I said, review replies are iffy, we'll see.**

**I need to say, THANK YOU so much for all of the wonderful things you're all saying to me and to your friends and to your twitter and to your Facebook groups. I'm so flattered and humbled by the kindness you've shown me and my naughty smutfest. It makes me giddy to read your reviews and it breaks my heart that I can't reply to them all right away, if at all. Seriously, I'm having a hard time with the no reply thing. This may kill me. :D Anyway, THANK YOU! From the bottom of my black, icy, angsty ridden heart, THANK YOU!**

**Reviews are better than stripping for Edward.**

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	15. Chapter 15 Birthing

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be finding coupons for me so that I can save some money at the grocery store today. Darn kids, always needing food. :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I'm too busy blushing over all the sweet things you're all saying to me. :)**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. Go check out her story she's writing for me, **_**Might Have Been**_**. It's just about to get REALLY good! :D**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. You should see the cake **_**EBT**_** made. It's so pretty...and it looks yummy! :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. Here we go...something you've been waiting for.**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Fifteen - Birthing … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

Pains start, doubling me over, splitting me in half.

I barely get to the hospital in time, seeing familiar eyes in the emergency room. Of course your father would be on call.

Of course.

Because my life isn't nearly messed up enough.

He's out of town again. I'm alone, no one with me to hold my hand.

Your father calls you, knows my Leah is with you.

My heart hurts, knowing that you'll be here soon. That you'll be with her.

She wears your ring now. It's just a promise, but it's a promise of more someday.

I cried when I saw it, but not for the reason she thinks.

The two of you run into the room, just in time for them to say they're taking me to surgery.

Bleeding, too much blood.

I hope for just a moment that I'll die. That I won't survive this.

It would be easier that way.

Maybe I could deal with missing you if I were dead, not seeing you everywhere around me.

You would be able to go on with your life, be happy, forget me.

I'd be out of the misery that's taken over.

"Leah, can you go in with your mom?" your doctor father asks.

"The blood...I can't. Edward, will you go? Please?" she begs.

She doesn't do well with blood. She faints. She would just cause more panic.

Your eyes meet mine.

"Of course I will."

It's all a blur, the moving, the slicing, the birthing, the cries.

She's perfect, beautiful. Like you.

Her hair is dark. I breathe a sigh of relief.

For now.

The nurse puts her in your arms, to give to me.

She stills, quiets. She knows you.

If only...

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: All of my babies had dark hair when they were born. They didn't all stay dark...**

**One more chapter today, this evening probably. You can thank the crazy girls on Twitter and at The Lemonade Stand for this one being a bit early. I was gonna go to the store. Instead I sit here...laughing...posting...watching my hubs replace the light fixtures in our bathroom while I don't offer to help in any way because I'm "busy." Hee-hee! :D**

**Reviews are better than IV's full of pain medications.**

**Leave one.**


	16. Chapter 16 Close

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be singing Happy Birthday to MistiS and Sunsetwing. Hope you girls have enjoyed today. :)**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. This chapter's a little longer, my brain's not used to over 2 pages lately. :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. I love her. Most of all. Luckily she knows it. :)**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. Have you seen these girls? So much cuteness... :)**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. Edward's got some 'splaining to do... Promise ring, mister? REALLY?**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Sixteen - Close … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

I sit in a quiet room, your baby in my arms. She cries for everyone but me. Like she knows me.

You sleep, recovering from surgery. My dad told me how much blood you lost, how close they came to losing you.

How close I came to losing you...again. Forever.

Leah left hours ago, going home to be with your family. She called him, he's on his way home.

How could he leave you alone? So close to your due date?

Does he ever think of you?

I hate him. I hate listening to him preach every week, telling us to cherish our family, be selfless for our loved ones. Yet he isn't. He doesn't give you a second thought.

He's a fucking hypocrite.

The way Leah watches him, in awe of him, makes me sick.

His sermon's fill the church with hope, love, kindness, and yet he can't bother to fill his own wife with anything more than his cum and his demands.

I hate him.

I wish I was him. I'd treat you better, right. Give you all the things you deserve.

Leah found a ring in my bedroom, assuming it as for her. It wasn't, I bought it for you. Long ago, when I still hoped I could have you.

I had to give it to her, I couldn't very well say it was for her mother, could I?

I only have two more weeks before I leave for college. Far away from you. Maybe by the time Leah gets there next year, I'll be over you. I'll be able to love her the way I should.

Maybe not.

The baby wiggles in my arms, her hand reaching out for something to hold, my finger. She's so dark, her hair, her skin. I don't know what to think.

But I believe you, what you told me.

And I hate it.

I watch her little lips, her button nose, the faces she makes as she blinks open her eyes.

We look at each other, watching, studying. Memorizing.

"Hi baby. You don't know me, and I'm sorry for that. I wish I could be something to you, something important. I wish it more than anything."

I hear you stir, looking up to see you watching me.

"Someone's hungry. You feeling up to it? I can get the nurse."

You nod, your forehead creasing a bit.

I watch from the side as a nurse helps you place the baby at your breast, teasing her lips with your nipple.

I remember when you teased my lips with your nipple.

They look the same...exactly the same.

I want them. You. So much.

"Did we decide on a name?" the nurse asks.

You glance at me, then back to the baby. "Claire Elizabeth."

My heart stutters for a moment. My grandmother's name was Elizabeth. I told you that once.

What does that mean? Anything? Maybe I'm just grasping at straws.

When Claire is done eating, the nurse offers to take a picture of us, your family. I just wanted one picture of us together, even if it is here.

I hand her the camera, standing next to your bed, I lean in.

You smell the same, and it takes all of my will power to not press my face into your hair, your neck.

We smile, Claire's eyes wide open.

The moment is captured forever. And it's something I'll always cherish. I'll never forget this moment. The last moment I'll ever be with you.

I kiss you lightly on the head, pausing to remember, to hold back my tears.

"I love you...more now than ever before. I'll never stop."

Pressing my lips to your temple, I hurry away from the room.

He's there, with your children. They look at me, accusing eyes.

"Edward, thanks for staying with Bella, I appreciate that," he says. A show, an act. I know what it is.

"Well, someone had to be here with her. Guess it couldn't be you." I'm bitter, I don't try to hide it.

"Thanks for taking care of her."

I've taken care of you in more ways than he'll ever know.

"Did you kiss my mother?" Leah asks, pulling me aside as the rest of them enter your room.

I scramble. "She was alone, I felt bad for her."

Leah's eyes are troubled, questioning.

"But my mom?"

I smooth my hand over her cheek, feeling her lean into my touch.

"She's your family. I love her."

It feels good saying it out loud, even if it's not in the right context.

She smiles. "Thank you, baby."

Her lips find mine, pushing, forceful.

I see from my half closed eyes, through your doorway. You watching us. Your heart breaking.

Mine's breaking, too.

I can't leave for school fast enough.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: At least he told her, one last time, that he loves her. :)**

**That's it for today, I HAVE to go grocery shopping. Ugh. :D Such a pain. But tomorrow's chapters have good stuff... :)**

**Reviews are better than teasing nipples. (Did I seriously just write that? Oy... :D )**

**Leave one.**


	17. Chapter 17 Gone

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be going to church with me today so I could show him off to all my Twilight lovin' friends. :D I'd dress him up all cute in a little suit and mess his hair all up, and then parade him around, having him do little tricks with his fingers and stuff. It'd be the best day at church ever. No doubt.**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. Yeah...I'm a mess, what can I say?**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. Her words are like little poem filled bombs, exploding as I read them. I can't get enough...**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. You...light up my life. You give me hope. To carry on... Geez that's an old song. :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. I think that's what makes you like the story, though. Isn't it? :) Tsk tsk, naughty people... :D**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Seventeen - Gone … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

You're gone. I can't believe it.

Leah gets your texts, your emails. I wish I could get one.

Claire is growing fast, a month old already. Her hair is changing, lightening. The old bitties at church laugh, commenting on how it's so much lighter than our other children. How her eyes are becoming so green.

None of us have green.

I know they're looking for reasons, assurances that they're gossip is true.

That I'm an adulteress.

And I am. I can't even deny it.

Seeing him with your daughter makes me ache inside. He doesn't touch her the way you did, hold her as close as you did. She cries at him.

She knows. Our little Claire knows.

He's not the right one.

I don't know how long I'll make it, being away from you.

At least before, I still got to see you. I thought it would be a deeper hell to see you and not be able to touch you. I was wrong. It's so much worse not seeing you at all.

Sometimes I think about snooping in Leah's room, getting your address. I'd mail you something, a letter or note. Maybe I wouldn't sign my name.

But you'd know.

Just like I would know something was from you.

When you have that connection, that bond with another person, you just know.

It doesn't go away because of distance. Or babies. Or lies.

It's powerful, more powerful than I am.

I'm a slave to it.

I accept that.

I will always crave you...regardless of everything else.

No matter how wrong I know it is.

I can't try to make it stop anymore. I know it's useless.

I'll never stop loving you.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: I hate that feeling, when the one person you want to see more than anything else is gone, far away, and you can't even write them a letter. It sucks.**

**Reviews are better than unsigned love letters.**

**Leave one.**


	18. Chapter 18 Bitties

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be putting my dinner in the oven, 'cause I'm tired and don't wanna make it. :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. But I have Cherry Vanilla Pepsi fresh from the convenience store where I went to buy newspapers for their coupons, so I'm okay with being a little bit wrong today. :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She has a "date" with **_**ttharma**_**n next week. Hmmmmmm...I guess this is where the trust thing comes in. It's okay, she'll make it up to me... :)**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. "With the lights out, it's less dangerous. Here we are now, entertain us. I feel stupid, and contagious..." Wait, **_**Luxure**_** wasn't even born yet when this song came out. Oh geez, **_**EBT**_**, we're old. :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. To answer a couple things quick, since I'm not gonna have time for review replies again today. :( (That's me, sad) Bella's husband has believed her so far about the baby. He has no reason not to. As Claire gets older, he'll start to wonder, question things. Let's keep in mind that Bella has red in her hair, and her mother has light brown hair and blue eyes, so it's not completely out of the realm of possibility that one of her children would inherit something along those lines. Dominant and recessive genes, people. Biology 101. :D Also, Bella has no where to go, if she did want to leave her husband. We'll find this all out soon, but basically, she has NO ONE. Keep that in mind. :)**

**Another thing, I know that the way I'm spelling Bitties is not the correct way, it should be biddies. Bella calls them "Bitties" because they spew bits of information when they gossip. There's a method to my madness. For realz. :)  
><strong>

**Now, on with the show.**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Eighteen - Bitties … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

Thanksgiving seemed so far away, and yet here it is, and I'm back. The town feels different, smaller. I feel different.

But not when it comes to you.

I'm still madly, obsessively in love with you. It won't quit.

I'm faithful to Leah, which seems odd. I lived in the same town as her and couldn't keep from cheating. Now I live hours away and I can't think of ever being with anyone there. Maybe it's because my only temptation is you. And you're not there.

My mother's church group is at the house, putting together the food for the homeless shelter's holiday meal.

"I heard it's Mr. Whitlock over at the hardware store. Gladys said she saw his wife screaming at him in the street, calling her a home wrecker. You've seen that hair, how light it is. Mr. Whitlock has the lightest blonde hair of any man in town."

"Well, I heard it was Mr. McCarty, who coaches the football team down at the high school. His wife Rose went to stay with her mother, told him to confess or she wouldn't come back."

"Well, girls, I heard it was that attorney, Mr. Jenks. Apparently she was seeing him, seeking legal counsel, and he offered her another way to pay her fees, if you know what I mean."

They were in full gossip mode. You always called them bitties, I can see why. They just spew out bits of information, never telling the whole story.

"All I know is if the Reverend doesn't do something about that wife of his soon, he's going to lose the respect of his entire congregation. I mean, what good, church going person would want to listen to a sermon preached by a man that can't even keep his own wife from straying?"

Wait, what? They're talking about you? And all those men?

That can't be.

They must be wrong.

I try to put it out of my head, telling my mother I'm going to pick up Leah. She's been calling non stop, wanting to see me. I can't put it off any longer.

Leaving the room, I pause outside the doorway. Waiting to hear what they say.

"That poor girl, such a sweet soul, and to have that woman for a mother... Esme, aren't you worried that she'll do the same thing to your Edward?"

"Yes, how can you let him get involved with that jezebel's daughter? You know they always say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

"My Edward is a smart boy. He'd never get mixed up with someone so low, so disgusting. Besides, we don't know anything for sure about Bella. Maybe it's those recessive genes, you know? I mean, I don't know much about her heritage, so you just never know."

I leave, curious about the baby, you, the gossip.

Your house looks the same. Leah's out the door before I can turn off my car. She jumps, her legs wrapping around my waist, her tongue in my mouth. It feels good, being wanted this way.

She hugs me and I look up, seeing you through the window, and instantly...I'm hard. Harder than I've been in months. She thinks it's for her and she presses her hips against mine.

"Let's get out of here," she whispers, letting go and running to my car.

The look in your eyes as we drive away will haunt me for days.

It consumes me all night, and I take Leah to dinner, a movie, a party...trying to stall her.

Finally, I give in, taking her to your father's old barn, where I'd taken you so many times.

In the loft, nestled in the hay, I make love to her. Careful, sweet, tender. It's never been this way with us, and she thinks it's my missing her.

It's not.

In my mind, she's you. I only see your face, your eyes. I can't stop myself.

I need you.

Now that I've seen you again, I don't think I'll be able to stay away anymore.

In church Sunday, I sit with your family, at the other end of the pew from you. Claire is in a carrier on the floor, sleeping. I try to watch you, make eye contact, but you're careful. So careful. Every eye in the room is on you.

When the baby fusses, you pick her up, cradle her to you. Her little bonnet hides the light hair I heard the women talking about. Wispy ends stick out the bottom, and they are light. To me, they look red.

Is there red in her hair?

Finally, she turns her face, staring directly at me. Her eyes blink.

Blue-green, giant, wide. She smiles.

The bonnet slips a little. I see more of the light hair. It's not light, it's red.

Strawberry blonde, some would say. I only know because my baby pictures have the same color.

When you finally look over, your eyes close, tears glide down your cheeks.

At long last I see it.

The lies.

You lied to me.

And I let you.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Uh oh...you think he's making any connections yet? Guess we'll see...**

**Next chapter tomorrow. I've gotta make dinner, clean my kitchen, do dishes, cut 2 boys' hair, and get kids to bed on time tonight. Oh, and then I got coupons to cut out afterward. And little candy awards to make for a church thing Wednesday, and burp clothes and cards for that, too. Ugh...it's gonna be a long night. :( Oh, and did I mention the cold water in my shower wouldn't turn off? Yeah, it's totally off now, thanks to my hubs who hates working on our shower, probably because it breaks so often. Maybe if we played in there more often, or I flashed him my boobs while he worked on it, he wouldn't mind so much... Some things to think about...**

**Reviews are better than rolling in the hay with Edward. (They're so totally not, I couldn't even type that with a straight face! :D )**

**Leave one.**


	19. Chapter 19 Photograph

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be finding the battery that my daughter just lost. Seriously, the dang remote control fell on the floor, the battery popped out, and it's GONE! Flippin' ghost in my house. Sometimes I really hate that thing. It still hasn't given back my MP3 player. :(**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I have a sick boy home from school today. I'm sidetracked. :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. I sent her lots of songs last night. I think my favorite one was the Ke$ha freak show in the desert one. :D Awesome. :D**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. "Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy, grab my glasses, I'm out the door, I'm gonna hit this city..." My party girls... :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. I think that's why most of you are here... :D**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Nineteen - Photograph … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

Days before Christmas I find an envelope in the mailbox. No postage, just my name.

Cautiously I open it, knowing the gossipy women at church have set their sights on me. My destruction.

Inside I find a picture. My breath catches, and I nearly drop it, let it flutter to the ground.

It's us, in the hospital, just after Claire was born. The look in your eyes, it's so beautiful, perfect. I never noticed your hand on my neck, your fingers caressing my collar bone.

Our little family. The only picture I'll ever have of us, I think. At least I'll have something to show Claire if she asks someday. And I'm sure she will.

He's getting suspicious, questioning. He's heard the tales told around town. He sees Claire, how there is nothing of him in her.

It's obvious she's not his child, and he knows.

I know he knows, feels it.

It's just a matter of time until he blows.

At Christmas services, I see you. You never look my way, your face stoic and set.

The pieces of my heart break just a little more.

Afterward, your father finds me, pulls me aside.

I see the bitties spring into action.

He has blonde hair, blue eyes. Their glares quickly grow accusing. If only they knew just how close they were to the truth.

"The baby's growing well. I hope you've been feeling good."

I smile. "Thank you, yes. Things are good. How is Esme? I haven't seen her much lately."

"Busy as ever. Listen Bella, I just wanted to talk to you. I found something...odd. I borrowed Edward's camera and I saw a picture on it."

My world grinds to a halt. Does he know? What picture is he talking about?

"I'm just curious. Why does my son have a photograph with you and Claire?"

He waits for an answer.

I don't have one.

"I thought maybe it was just because you're Leah's mother and he wanted to remember helping you through Claire's birth, but each time I see your baby, I'm reminded of another picture."

He pulls out his wallet, flips open to a tattered photo. Of you, as an infant.

I gasp, my hand shaking over my open mouth.

"I thought so," he says, sadness in his voice. "He doesn't know that I know. Did you tell him?"

"No," I whisper, unable to say anything else.

"You know you can't see him anymore, right? This has to end, whatever was going on here."

"Yes, it's done, I stopped it. I promise." My eyes beg him, plead with him. "Don't tell him, I can't have him know. I won't ruin him."

Your father exhales, wraps his arm around me as I cry.

I can already hear tomorrow's gossip.

Your mother will hate me now. But not for the reason she should.

At least when I look up, I see that I've finally caught your attention.

If only there was something other than hate in your eyes. Hate that burns my skin, leaving me blistered and raw.

You believe the lies.

I guess that's better than you knowing the truth.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Edward's POV later today will shed a little more light on things. Hang in there.**

**Thanks again to all of you who are pimping this out. I'm completely overwhelmed by how kind and supportive you've been to me and this little tale. To say I'm flattered and shocked doesn't even begin to cover it. From the bottom of my heart...thank you. :)**

**Reviews are better than caressed collar bones.**

**Leave one.**


	20. Chapter 20 Wonder

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be lying next to me on my bed, telling how good my hair smells (I have good shampoo) and trying to undo the hooks on the front of my bra. He likes the front closing ones, easier to work, he says. :D Just a little tip for ya. ;)**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I've been assaulted with Pokemon information all afternoon. While Sick Boy, who apparently isn't all that sick and must just suffer from allergies like I thought, draws picture after picture of the little card monsters. It's keeping him entertained...**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. You should see the things she wants to do to me. They're almost unspeakable. And also featured on YouTube, so you know... :D**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. "There's a stranger in my bed, there's a pounding in my head, glitter all over the room, pink flamingo's in the pool..." Yeah, sounds like something we'd get into. :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. I needed some incentive to write, and your amazing reviews are giving me that. :)**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Twenty - Wonder … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

Leah calls me, saying she needs to talk, that things are bad at home. She can't wait to get to college, to be with me.

I wonder, are you okay? What's wrong? Did something happen?

I've tried to put you out of my head since Christmas, when I saw you with my father. I let the rumors get to me, worm their way into my brain. So many possibilities, and they could all be true.

Who am I to think that I was your only dalliance? Like you would ever really want an 18 year old boy. Not when you could get a grown man, secure with money, a career. Someone who knew how to make you feel good.

I didn't know, not really. I tried my best, but you taught me things. Things that I'll never forget, no matter how long I live.

The picture of you and me is with me all the time. I printed one for you, so you'd have some memory of me. At first, I thought it would bring you back, but then I wanted it to hurt you. The way you hurt me.

Claire looks so much like me, and I wonder. Is she mine? Or is it something worse?

My parents fought over New Years. My mom heard the rumors about you and my dad. It would make sense. He fathered me, so maybe if he fathered Claire, that's why she looks like me.

I hurried back to school, putting it out of my mind. Getting you away from me.

It was too much.

Leah says you and the Reverend scream at each other, that he accuses you of things, and you don't fight him. Why not? Why would you just let him say things to you? Unless they are true?

I play dumb, like I don't know you well enough to know if the rumors are justified. Leah is a good friend to me, I can't hurt her.

She's the only part of you that I'll ever be able to have.

And she's so much like you. It scares me sometimes.

I wonder why I can't just be happy with her, why I still feel an ache for you.

It would be so much easier to just love her, want her.

And I do.

But it's not enough.

It won't ever be enough.

And I know that.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: So, another BPOV tonight. Yay. :D**

**This story was nominated for Fic of the Week over at The Lemonade Stand. I'm in shock, I've never been nominated there before. It's very flattering. :) **

**Reviews are better than playing dumb.**

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	21. Chapter 21 Listen

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be sitting with me, watching **_**Hart of Dixie**_**, as I break my boycott of The CW. What they did to my **_**Veronica Mars**_** show...it was a crime. But oh, the things I do for Scott Porter. He was Jason Street, 6, on **_**Friday Night Lights**_**. I'm loyal to a fault. I think Rpattz likes that... :)**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. Again, distracted by tv, and the pretty that is Scott Porter. Oh good gravy, he's so cute... (Rpattz is a little jealous...it's cute, too. :D )**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She made me cry with her story today. You really should check it out. It's called **_**Might Have Been**_**. I love it. :)**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. They were awfully excited when I sent them email today. :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. After you're done, watch something with Scott Porter. Ohhhhh...yum. :D**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Twenty One - Listen … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

He yells. Every day. He calls me horrible names, things he swore to me, years ago, that he would never say in my presence. Not only does he say them, but they're intended for me.

He's breaking me. He knows it.

If only he knew I was already broken by you. He wouldn't need to bother.

He could devote all his "make Bella feel like worthless shit" time to his sermons. Put it to good use. Use it for people that actually care about what he has to say.

I don't care, not anymore.

I hear Leah on the phone with you sometimes. It sounds like you're happy, doing well.

I'm glad. I want that for you, no matter what else happens in life.

I want you to be happy.

I overheard the bitties at church say that your parents were going to marriage counseling.

I'm sure it's the rumors about your father and I. Stupid old women.

Maybe my husband could focus them on something productive for the church, make better use of their information passing skills. But he won't.

He listens to them now.

Now that he's seen Claire turn into someone that could never be his child. Her pale, bright skin is such a contrast to his dark, olive complexion. I wait each day for him to ask for a paternity test.

I know it's coming.

And then what will I do?

In the mean time, I save every penny I can. I have a secret account.

So far I have enough to support myself for a few months.

I just wonder if leaving will be that easy.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: We'll pick up with Edward tomorrow. Maybe I'll even post 3 chapters again. Depending on how the Candy Bar Awards I have to put together go. :D**

**Reviews are better than paternity tests.  
><strong>

**Leave one.**


	22. Chapter 22 Hate

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be cleaning up the lego's that are all over my living room floor. Glad they entertain the kids, hate that they can't seem to stay in their boxes. :D And he'd be singing Happy Birthday to **_**Gabbysway2**_**! Hope you like the angst we got going today. :) Just think, it leads to happier things tomorrow! :D Maybe... :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I'm hungry. Must be breakfast time... :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. I haven't talked to her yet today. I feel like my day's not quite good yet. :)**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. "You complete me... Shut up! You had me at hello...you had me at hello." Not my favorite movie, or my favorite part of that quote, but it works. And I mean it. :)**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. And I know how you love the angst. :)**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Twenty Two - Hate … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

I leave class, heading back to my dorm. The walk is long, but the sun is out. Shining. Spring is here, and I don't need my wool jacket today.

There's someone slumped in front of my door. I pause, trying to see who it is.

Leah.

She looks up at me, smiling. Her eyes are tired, dark circles under them.

As she approaches me, I can see she's been crying.

"I'm sorry, I didn't have anywhere else to go."

"What's wrong?" I ask, letting her wrap her arms around me.

"My mom, she cheated on my dad. He kicked her out."

Her cries begin, her body shaking against me.

I'm sad for her, for this broken girl I'm holding. Yet my thoughts are only on you.

Where are you? Are you safe? What happened to finally make him do this?

"How did you get here?" I ask.

"The bus, I bought a ticket. He made her leave everyone at home, all the kids. He wouldn't let her take any of us, just the baby. He said he couldn't stand to look at someone else's child anymore. How could she do this? I don't understand."

But I do. I forced you into it. I wouldn't stop, even when you begged me, pleaded. I wanted you too much, and I couldn't let it go.

This is my fault.

I'll forever be haunted by what I did to you. How I ruined your life.

This isn't what I wanted for you. For us.

I wanted happiness, goodness, love. None of that is what either of us have.

I take her into my room, let her sit on my bed. She cries for a while, clutching my pillow in her hands. I leave, get us food, wonder if she should call home, if he'll be worried.

I wonder where you are. I try your cell, but the number's been disconnected.

How can I get information from her without seeming too obvious?

We eat dinner in silence, before I finally ask how long she'll stay, when she has to go. If he knows she's here.

It's a Thursday, she'll go back on Sunday. As usual, I'm glad my roommate goes home so often. His bed is vacant, not that Leah will sleep there. She'll sleep with me, on my little bed.

During the night I feel her rubbing against me. She's naked, touching me and begging for me to touch her. I do.

She's the only part of you that's left now.

She told me she doesn't know where you went, but she doesn't care. She hates you.

I wish I could hate you.

I just pray that you don't hate me.

Hate me for making this happen to you.

Hate me for sinking my dick into your daughter that I don't love enough.

Hate me for being a jealous prick over you and my father.

Hate me because as much as I want you, as I still love you, I can't chase you anymore.

Hate me because I'm giving up.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: I'll post 2 more chapters today. I think I'll try with reviews to answer questions that you might ask. I don't know that I'll get every thing replied to. I have like over 600 reviews that I haven't even attempted to reply to yet. Maybe 700. You guys have completely overwhelmed me and filled my heart with your sweet words. I'm so thankful... :)**

**Reviews are better than small beds in dorm rooms.**

**Leave one.**


	23. Chapter 23 Leave

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be dancing with me to "Sparks Fly" by Taylor Swift, because seriously, that song is pretty much word for word what Bella's thinking the first 1/3****rd**** of this story. Even down to the green eyes. :D I tweeted a link to YouTube for it, so it's there. You should totally check it out. :)**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I spent 2 hours Photoshopping Softball Awards and making them go with candy bars. Cute sayings and poems that use candy bars...just another random talent I have. :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She told me the end of her story that she's writing for me. I can't wait... :)**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. ****"Are you crying? There's no crying! There's no crying in baseball!"**** Oh wait, this is fanfic and there's plenty of crying. Oh well, I still love that movie. :D Hey **_**Luxure**_**, were you born yet when that came out? :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. A bit of background from Bella...**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Twenty Three - Leave … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

"Get out! Just you and that baby, the other children are mine! They stay with me! Take your clothes and whatever else you need and leave. If I never see your devious face again, it'll be too soon. You're the devil, the spawn of Satan. I can't believe I let you live in this house as long as I did, that I didn't find you out! Leave!"

He yells. I pack a few bags, pick up Claire. Kiss my children. Well, the ones who will still speak to me.

He's brainwashed them against me. I'm the sinner, committing the worst sin I could against not just him, but my family.

That's what he tells them, that I didn't love them enough. That I chose someone else over them. That I satisfied my own desires at the expense of their happiness.

It's not true. Not all of it, anyway.

Leah hates me. She's always been such a daddy's girl, in awe of him. Since the moment she was born, she's had starry eyes for him.

I was so young, too young. He was older, 22 when we met. I was almost 17, starting my senior year in high school.

He was a seminary student, having known from early on that he wanted to be a reverend. His calling was to serve God, and he was good at it.

At least he was good at something. Too bad it was never me.

He chased me. I let him. He was beautiful, tall, dark, so very handsome. All the girls were jealous of me, and I liked it.

I was young, stupid. I'd had sex before, but only a few times. When he begged me to let him touch me at Christmas, I gave in. He was loving, caring, but it didn't feel like the other times. It didn't feel anything like when I was with you.

By February I knew I was pregnant. My parents were good, church going people. They told me to give the baby away, to break things off with him and give myself a chance at a good life.

I couldn't. I wanted the baby, and I wanted him. His words were sweet, kind. He promised me the world, and he tried to provide that. At first.

Leah was born a few days before my 18th birthday. I was a young mother. Too young, and on my own. My parents didn't see me, wouldn't speak to me. They knew he was a good person, they just wanted more for me.

I should have wanted more, too. I didn't know there was more, until I met you.

It was like I was 17 all over again. And you were the perfect man, sweeping me off my feet.

I let you, giving in to all the teenage girl dreams I'd lost so long ago.

Who knew that I'd end up in exactly the same situation. With a baby, on my own, no family to help me. The only difference is that last time, I had a husband to support me. Even if it was just financially.

This time I am truly on my own.

The whole town thinks it was your father. Your mother hates me.

I don't blame her.

Even if she does hate me for the wrong reasons, the wrong man.

I was able to patch up my friendship with Alice Whitlock, though. I felt bad for that rumor. Her husband Jasper is a good man, a decent man. He was always nice to me, so I see how she could have believed it.

I had to plead with her, but she finally believed me. I was glad to smooth things over between them. If only it was that easy with every relationship.

I moved to the city. I'm hours away from them. Hours away from you. I wish I had your address. Or your phone number. He kept my phone, turned it off.

I feel so totally alone.

But when I go to sleep at night, in this tiny one bedroom apartment, I pull our daughter close to me and stare at the picture of our family.

I miss you. Your pretty green eyes. The mole on your neck. The scent of your skin.

I miss it all.

And I always will.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: A lot of you wondered why Bella didn't leave her husband. It's because she has no where to go. Her parents won't see her, she has no siblings, no friends, no extended family that isn't her husband's. She doesn't work, has no money, no skills, no education. She's basically trapped in his house and she stayed as long as she did so that she could stash away as much money as possible without him realizing it was gone. **

**Was there one thing that sent the Reverend over the edge? No. Did he ask for a paternity test? No. It's pretty clear that baby isn't his. He probably just overheard someone saying something about him and how pathetic he must be to take in and raise another man's child, and he blew. It had been building. **

**Also, Bella's children are 17, 15, 13, 10, and 7. Her husband's ranting and screaming at her, and the fact that it's clear she had an affair, made the older ones want nothing to do with her. The younger ones still love her and would have wanted to go with her, but it wasn't possible. You'll hear more on that later. :)**

**Reviews are better than pretty green eyes.**

**Leave one.**


	24. Chapter 24 Free

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be washing my windows. Again, wet and those biceps. Yummy... :) And I got big windows, so the show would be long... :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I gotta go make dinner. "We're starving..." is playing on repeat in my house right now. What the heck, I just fed them yesterday... :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. I had pineapple passion fruit soda today. It made me think of her. :)**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. **** "I just called, to say, I love you..." :)**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. One more from Edward...**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Twenty Four - Free … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

I'm home for the summer. It's strange, you're not here.

The house looks different. I can tell you're gone. He's always grouchy. I'm not surprised. He can't fuck you whenever he wants to.

Good. Maybe now he knows how it felt for you, never feeling satisfied. I hope his hand is good to him.

Leah has become the mother to your children. Every time I see her, she tells me how much she hates you for doing this to her.

She's not really like you at all when she speaks like that. In those moments, I only see him there.

I hate him. It makes me annoyed with her.

That makes her cry.

When she cries, she looks like you. It makes me cave, give in.

I think she knows it.

She's going to my university in the fall. Everyone thinks we're going together, to be together. Truth is, her dorm is on the other side of campus. I'll hardly ever see her.

It's okay, I need to distance myself. That way I won't think of you every minute of every day.

I wonder where you are, what you're doing.

Leah doesn't know, says he won't tell them anything.

Aside from the fact that your lawyer delivered the official papers last week. All signed.

You're divorced, free.

I only wish I knew where you were.

I'd find you, see if you still wanted me.

I know I'd still want you.

But I don't know where you are. I probably never will. And that's for the best.

I can get on with my life while you go on with yours. Maybe you'll find someone to make you happy, to give you everything he couldn't.

It still won't be everything I could have given you. Would have given you.

But that's over. I'll never forget it.

It's time to move on.

For real, this time.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: That's it for today. Oh, and no...Leah and The Reverend are NOT having some incestuous affair. Nothing like that. :D Leah's just a Daddy's Girl. In her eyes he can do no wrong. She's screwed up, what can I say?**

**See you tomorrow with a time jump. :) You knew that had to happen.**

**Reviews are better than the Reverend having to use his hand.**

**Leave one.**


	25. Chapter 25 Time

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be sewing burp clothes for me today. I cut them out, he can sew them together. See what a good team we make? :)**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I'm sleepy. Sorry. :)**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She hurts my heart so good with the story she's writing for me. Hmmmmm...I love it. :)**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. **** "Well I may be an outlaw, darlin', but you're the one stealing my heart." **_**Lux**_**, you weren't born yet, but **_**EBT**_**, PLEASE tell me you know this movie... :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. And we jump. :)**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Twenty Five - Time … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

Time passes. So slowly some days. So quickly others. It's hard to keep up, to keep track.

I don't let myself think about anything besides my daily life. My Claire. My job.

It's been six years since I last saw you. Six years filled with longing, missing, wishing.

Six years filled with more love than I ever dreamed possible. The way our daughter loves me, it's like you're here, too. It's so big. So true. So pure.

She's so you.

Every part of her screams "Edward Cullen is my father."

She knows your first name, your 19 year old face.

If we saw you today, would you look the same?

I don't let myself think about you very often. I focus on the here, the now. Try to struggle through each day, one at a time.

I heard he got remarried. One of the old bitties had a daughter. Funny thing is, she's only a few years older than Leah. Two years older than you. How fair is that?

He gets to have her and everyone is happy.

They never would have been happy about me having you.

Not even now.

I don't keep in contact with anyone from town, except for Alice. She's one of the only friends I have.

She knows the rumor mill, the gossipy women in that town. They've burned her too, she remembers.

No word from him at all. He doesn't even know where I am. He doesn't ask, either. I'm not hard to find, not unlisted.

You could find me. If you wanted to.

But you don't, and that's okay.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: This was short, so I may try for 3 today. We'll see how the burp cloth sewing goes. :D**

**Thank you, **_**thank you**_**, THANK YOU for all the lovely reviews. One of these days I'm gonna have a couple extra hours so I can reply to a few of them. I'm overwhelmed by your support. These last few days have been amazing, so thank you. :)**

**See you soon with Edward's missing 6 years. :)**

**Reviews are better than Edward's 19 year old face. (Maybe not, but it's still nice to think about. :D )**

**Leave one.**


	26. Chapter 26 Stamped

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be readying my shower. I have yet to take one today. Fan fic, burp clothes, and candy bar grams have consumed me. :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. The skin on my hands is killing me. I need to put my fancy lotion on, it smells good. :)**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She thinks she's the Barbara Hershey character in **_**Beaches**_**, but she's TOTALLY the Bette Midler character. I'm Barbara, hiding in the background while she flits around and chases her dreams. :D Silly girl... :D Plus she has curly hair and mine is bone straight. See, I'm so right on this. :D**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. **** I got nothin'. Nothin' but love and appreciation for you. :D That counts, right? :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. Heeeeeeeere's Edward! :D**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Twenty Six - Stamped … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

Six years.

A lot can happen in six years.

I wonder about you every day.

Where you are.

What you're doing.

If you're okay.

If you love someone new.

If you look the same.

If I would know you if I saw you.

I try to forget you, the time we had together.

I focused on school for a long time. School and Leah. Things weren't what she thought they'd be when she got to the university. Busy lives, busy schedules, not a lot of date time for either of us.

Then there was the whole thing between you and my father.

I didn't know if I should believe it or not, but he came to me. When it all happened. He talked to me. He confessed that he'd been with you, that it was a mistake. It had never happened before or since. Not with any other women.

He told my mother that it was all just rumors. They went to counseling. He begged me not to tell her the truth.

I never did. I never will.

I told Leah. She asked one day, why her sister looked so much like me.

I told her what my father said.

It freaked her out.

I didn't see her for two weeks after that.

The sad part was, I didn't miss her. Not once.

I knew I had to let her go. We both needed it, a break.

She cried, and I'll admit, I got a little teary.

She was my connection to you. Without her, it would seem as though you'd never existed.

But my heart knew you had. My heart has your name stamped on it.

It doesn't care who else you've been with, who else you'll be with. It just knows that it wants you.

Always.

Leah and I have kept in touch, going out every once in a while. We're friends now.

She invited me to her dad's wedding. The girl he married was only two years older than me. How fair is that? He's five years older than you, so that makes him 20 years older than her. Three more years than the span between you and I.

It's not fair. I hate him. Still.

When school finished, I got a job, worked 40 hours a week like I was supposed to.

I didn't date. I couldn't. No one was as good as you.

Leah dated. I wonder if you know that, if you hear from her. I doubt it. She says she hates you.

I tried to, but I can't.

She's still in school, getting her Master's degree in education. She's a teacher now, in a little community college in a city near me.

I see her sometimes, not often. She's dating someone, Paul is his name. He seems nice.

I'm glad for her. She deserves someone good, who could devote himself to her.

I wonder if you have that, too.

My job relocated me recently, to the city. It's busy, so much bigger than where we lived all those years ago.

One of my college friends works here. I hang out with him. He keeps trying to fix me up, but I can't do it.

My mom wants me to come home, meet her new neighbor's daughter.

I don't want that.

Things are still strained between my dad and I.

Do I believe him? Part of me wants to. Part of me doesn't.

I don't know.

Why would he lie about being with you? About being Claire's father? Why would he say that if it wasn't true?

I wish I could talk to you, see you.

I have so many questions. Things I've wondered over the years.

But if I saw you on the street, would I know you?

Would I recognize you?

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: See, Carlisle told Edward the baby was his. Hence, the reason Edward has stayed away, not looked for Bella. Deep down, he wonders, but when your dad comes to you in confidence and confides something like that, I think you'd have a hard time not believing him. You know?**

**Also, Bella changed her last name back to her maiden name, Swan. Edward doesn't know what that is. If he were looking for her, he'd be looking for Bella... Oh, I almost spilled it. :D**

**Everyone glad the Edward and Leah love fest is over? Yeah, me too. :D**

**One more today, this evening, from Bella. More info on her life, how things have been. It's good.**

**Reviews are better than recognizing someone on the street six years later.**

**Leave one.**


	27. Chapter 27 Work

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be shielding me from the grumpiness in my house right now. How on EARTH do my children forget their homework every night? Ugh...**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I'm frazzled and don't have time to reread it. Sorry. :(**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. I get to talk to her tomorrow. It's a good thing... :)**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. **** My quiet girls... :)**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. So, wonder what else Bella's been up to? And for those of you worried about her not seeing her other kids, there's a bit here on that. More to come in a future chapter. :)**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Twenty Seven - Work … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

Life's been rough over these past few years. We get by, but only because my neighbor, Mrs. Cope, is a saint. Truly, she's a blessing sent from God.

She used to run a daycare center. When I first moved in, she offered to watch Claire for me while I looked for work.

I found a job making pies. I had no marketable skills. I'd been trained for nothing, aside from raising children and looking sweet and innocent on a reverend's arm. But I could bake. I was good at that.

I guess I have all those church bake sales to thank for that.

I baked pies every day at a restaurant. Good hours, three am to noon. Claire always slept until eight or so, then went back to sleep around eleven, so Mrs. Cope refused to let me pay her for the hours our daughter was sleeping.

Instead, I brought her a fresh pie and lunch from the restaurant each day. She loved that, and so did I. My boss let me take them at cost, which saved me. I didn't have any money to spare.

About a year and a half into that, he asked me to wait tables. Someone was sick.

I was good at that, too, keeping all the orders straight. Getting the food out quickly. Another consequence of raising a house full of children, I suppose.

I don't let myself think of them. Not ever. If I did, I would lose my mind.

I've received nine letters from them since I've been gone. Alice gave them to me, they know she can find me. Most of the children still believe I didn't want them, that I left them on purpose. They believe him, his lies. I hope someday I'll get the chance to prove to them that it wasn't true.

That I ache to hold them each night.

That I worry about their grades in school.

That I hope they've had enough to eat when they climb into bed.

That I hope their new mom kisses them and patches their wounds the right way.

But I don't let myself think that way. Not yet. Maybe one day I will.

It's easier to block things out now. My job requires it of me, and I've learned it well.

A few years ago, my boss asked if I wanted to work in his other restaurant. A night club. More money, higher tips, only serving drinks.

I jumped at the chance. Claire was starting preschool, and Mrs. Cope was happy to babysit at night.

I waited tables for a year until they asked me if I wanted to make more money. If I wanted to dance.

I laughed. I was a 40 year old woman who'd given birth to six children. No men would want to watch me dance.

But they did. And I made a lot of money. The first weekend, I earned over a thousand dollars. Over half of my normal monthly wages.

I worked out, toned my body, and I looked better than most of the 25 year old dancers.

I got a customer base, men who came to see me every week.

They were nice, mostly. Once I got to know them, it didn't seem so bad.

A few lap dances here, a couple private dances there.

I only work three nights a week now, and two of them are on the weekend. I'm home to tuck Claire into bed each night, and fix her breakfast each morning. I get her off to school, then I work on my online classes.

You'd be proud of me, I think. I'm doing something with my life. Trying to be something.

You always said I could be anything, anyone, but I never believed you.

I listened to him when he told me all I'd ever be was a housewife.

He had made sure of that. He took away all of my chances, my opportunities. My choices.

Sometimes I laugh, thinking he's doing that to someone else now.

But I'm free. Free from his reign. Free from his words.

I always thought he was a good man. And he was.

Just not good for me.

Not like you were.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Not quite what you thought she'd be, right? :)**

**Oh, and Bella...as a stripper...after 6 kids...and 42 years old? Oh yeah, SO totally possible. It's sick, really. And completely unfair. Especially since I have to personally know women who look like this. I hate that... :D**

**Reviews are better than pies as payment.**

**Leave one.**


	28. Chapter 28 VIP

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would have posted this for me a few hours ago while I was talking to my girlie. :)**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I'm hurrying...I promise.**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. After all this time, I still love her voice. :) It's so cute. :D**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. **** They gchat me and send me pretty emails. I love it. :)**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. You already know that.**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Twenty Eight - VIP … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

My buddy Peter is getting married. His girl Charlotte is nice, has a cute sister.

I'm still not interested.

Though I'll admit it's fun to watch her drink every guy at a party under the table.

She's a total lush, that girl. But she can hold her liquor.

Tonight's his bachelor party, some club downtown. I don't really want to go, but he begs, pleads. Promises we'll be in a VIP room, so it'll be cool.

I can drink all I want, he's paying.

After spending the afternoon staring at the two pictures I have of you, I get showered, dressed, ready to go. I need the alcohol to calm me, to get me out of the funk I feel coming on.

I know the symptoms well. It's not the first time I've stared at your pictures and then gone comatose for a few days.

The club is nice, more upscale than I'd imagined.

There are dancers on a few stages, nothing I'm interested in. The tables on the main floor are packed. Waitresses all wear different costumes, running trays of drinks from the bar to their patrons.

It's almost all men, money flying in their hands. I wonder where their wives think they are tonight.

The VIP room has a great view of the stage, and the girl dancing is gorgeous. The way she works the pole is almost hypnotizing.

We have a couple of waitresses. They only serve us. One of them, she purrs her name to me. Tanya. She offers me a private dance, in a little room.

I can watch or I can touch.

I'm tempted. For about two seconds.

And then I see something, from the corner of my eye.

Another waitress bringing drinks, filling our table.

She's bent over, her tits practically falling out of her low cut shirt.

Not a shirt, more like a sweater. Like a tiny, slutty cheerleader sweater.

Her hair is dark, like yours. Pulled up in pony tails with ribbons tying them. Blue and White, just like her sweater.

Her skirt is tiny, too. I'm sure from behind, with her bent over like that, you can see everything she has to offer. And I can, when she turns around. The thong she's wearing leaves nothing to the imagination.

A couple of Peter's friends ask her for a private dance. I can hear her laugh, and it sounds familiar.

Why?

Then she turns around again. My heart stops. Her smile beams. I turn away as fast as I can.

It's you.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Again, I wouldn't write Bella as a stripper at her age if I didn't think it was possible. Trust me, I went to my 20 year high school reunion this summer. A lot of those women have 4, 5, 6 kids, some with twins, and they look better now than they did in high school. Some people are just blessed with the hot gene. I was not. :D**

**Reviews are better than strip clubs.**

**Leave one.**


	29. Chapter 29 Target

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be changing my loads of laundry. With 4 kids, I do a lot of laundry. :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I'm distracted by all the reviews and lovely things you're saying. They're so pretty...**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. 3 hours on the phone today. Still not enough. :D**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. **** Where else would I have learned so much about stripping? I mean, I'm a nice, church going, quiet little mother of 4... :)**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. And I love all of your theories... :D**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Twenty Nine - Target … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

Marcus asked, begged really, for me to help out in the VIP room. A bachelor party was booked, so it was simple enough. Flirt a little, bat my eyelashes, tease them. They'd all be drunk in no time and start parting with their money like there was no tomorrow.

I had only done a few private dances, and only for customers that I knew well.

There were two options. One where I danced in a lit area and the man sat in the dark, watching me. He couldn't touch me, but he could do whatever he wanted to himself. All of my clothes came off in that one. With the exception of my garter belt or thong. I needed that to cover my c-section scar. It might be tiny, but it's still there.

The other option I'd only done once. That one, he could touch me. There couldn't be penetration of any sort, and the security camera's made sure. But he could feel me, touch me. Pretty much whatever I was comfortable with. Unfortunately for the man, all of my clothes stayed on, as did his.

Most men wanted bare tits too much, they preferred to watch me strip while they jerked off in the corner. It was cool with me. I made two hundred bucks for each half hour dance. Plus it made my night go by faster.

The one time I'd done option two, he was a regular. Older. A widower. He came in on the five year anniversary of his wife's death. He missed her. He thought it would help him through the loneliness, being able to touch someone. But instead he ended up crying on my shoulder.

I sobbed for an hour after I got home that night.

Thinking of you.

Do you go to strip clubs? Do you let dancers touch you? Do you touch them?

Do you have someone at home to touch?

Are you still with Leah?

Tanya and Kate are working the VIP room. Kate's cool with me helping, but Tanya looks a little upset. My help means a three way split of the tips, instead of just two. I don't care, either way.

"Bella, did you see that guy over there? Holy shit, he's hot. Like, fuck hot. I wish he'd ask me into a private room. I'd totally turn those damn camera's off and fuck him."

Tanya is always looking for the one. The hottest one in the group. Singling him out and spending the night working him over.

She always succeeds.

Always.

Whoever her target is tonight, I feel kinda sorry for him. He'll never see it coming.

Bringing up a second round of shots, I feel something strange in the room, like someone is watching me.

It doesn't feel wrong, though. Just odd. Off. Different.

Yet familiar.

Several men ask me into a private room, but every one of them wants the touching option. I don't want that. Not tonight.

Finally, with an hour left in my shift, Tanya approaches.

"Damn it, Bella. Mr. Fuck Hot asked for you in a private room. He wants to watch, but I swear, if he changes his mind, you'd better come get me. I'm dying for a piece of him."

"Okay," I mumble, heading downstairs to drop off my tray and empty shot glasses.

"Bella, room three," Felix yells to me when I get back upstairs. "I got your music loaded. Have fun."

He smiles. Felix is a good guy, always looking out for us girls. I've never had any trouble, but some have. I'm always glad he sits right outside of the rooms.

I walk into the dark room, making sure to close the door behind me, keep the illusion within these four walls.

"You asked for me?" I say, as the over head spot lights flip on.

"Yeah," is all I hear. I can see the outline of a man, just shadows of his body. He sits in the corner, his elbow on the arm rest, chin resting in his hand.

I feel it again. That strange feeling. Why is that? It's been a weird night.

My song starts playing, and I move my body in time to the music. There's a pole, but I'm more of a chair girl. I grab the wooden chair in the corner, pulling it to the center of the stage and straddling it. I make sure he can see my pussy. The thong doesn't really cover much, and I know he'll most likely get a good view.

My shoulders roll to the music. Hands rubbing up and down my body. Head lulling back, then whipping around.

My teeth sink into my lip.

You always liked that. How I did that when we made love.

I pretend I'm dancing for you. I always do.

My fingers move to the knot on my shirt, untying it and slowly peeling the fabric from my body.

As my tits pop out, bouncing a little, I hear a gasp.

The man is enjoying himself, clearly.

My shirt is on the floor, and I stand, kicking the chair away and moving toward the pole.

I bend over, my ass in the air, right where he can see, then slowly drop down into a squat, before grabbing the pole and lifting myself up.

It rubs between my breasts, then I'm humping it, thrusting my pelvis back and forth.

Looking over to the man, I see him cringing, breathing hard.

I can only make out a shadow, an outline. But there's something about it, something I know.

Why is that?

I stumble, losing my pace, then unzip my skirt, sliding it down my legs. I'm left standing in only my heels and a thong. I opted for that tonight rather than the garter. It still hides the scar, preserves the fantasy.

Just as I lean my back, my shoulder against the pole, beginning to slide down it, he stands.

He steps closer to me, and my heart begins to beat like mad. Thunder. Pounding in my chest.

For a moment, I think of yelling for Felix. He could help me, protect me.

Then the man comes closer, almost into the light. I can see his shoes, his jeans. Nothing more than that, but a shadow.

His hand raises and I hear is voice.

"Bella?"

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Woo frickin' hoo! :D**

** Klrtwiluver FanFic started a secret group over on Facebook. If you want in, find her over there or on twitter ( at KlrTwiLuver ) and she'll let you in. Or find me ( at BeegurlThirteen FanFiction ) and I'll get you in. :) We already got some videos posted and a picture of Bella's cheer leading outfit. :) It's hot... :D**

**Thanks for all the votes on The Lemonade Stand! **_**Worship**_** was chosen as one of the Fic's of the Week! I'm so excited! It was really fun, so thanks for that. And I hope you found some more great stories while you were there. :)**

**One more...this evening...hope you're ready. :)**

**Reviews are better than sexy music. (Oh, and the song Bella's dancing to will be on the Facebook group soon...)**

**Leave one.**


	30. Chapter 30 Watching

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be making my kids clean the living room. People are coming over. :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I'm blaming that pretty new secret group at Facebook. It's super fun. LD**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She went to the movies tonight. Hope it's something she likes. :D**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. **** They're smart. :)**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. You might like this... :)**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Thirty - Watching … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

I sit in the chair, watching you. Wishing I could touch you.

After Tanya explained the options of the private room, I hid for a while longer until I knew it was a little over an hour until closing.

The man out in the hallway took my money, my order. He set me up with you. Told me about the cameras and the rules.

I was fine to follow them. Fine to watch you, ache for you, even touch myself in response to you.

I never dreamed you could be so sexy. So erotic. So perfect.

Each movement you make is magic. Each gesture draws me in. Each expression on your face breathes life back into me.

I found you. Finally.

I hate what you are doing, but after talking to Tanya for a bit, getting as much information as I could, I found out that you don't do this often. Don't dance for men. She actually laughed about it, how you must not be very good because you've only done it a handful of times.

She bragged about how she did it a few times each night.

She must be insane or just jealous if she thinks you aren't good.

You're amazing. Your body pulsing, swaying to the music.

I remember touching you, all the bare places I see, and the ones that are still hidden.

When your shirt comes off, I see your nipples, how they look the same.

I'll bet they taste the same.

I'd bet my life on it. I intend to find out.

Just as you begin moving to another song, I stand from my chair, unable to stay even ten feet away from you anymore.

I see your face, the panic in your eyes. You glance to the door. I know you're thinking of calling for help.

I step closer, my hand raising in an effort to be closer to you. Just as your eyes begin to shimmer with fear, I say your name.

"Bella?"

It comes out like a question, but I know who you are.

"Yes?" you reply, still not certain. "Do I know you?"

Your lip is trembling. I wish I could kiss your fear away.

"Yeah, you do."

I step into the light, letting you see me.

Your eyes go wide, wider than I've ever seen them. You stumble backwards, hitting the wall before you slide down, landing your ass on the floor. You watch me, like if you look away, I'll disappear.

"Edward?" you whisper, still not believing.

I look at you, how beautiful you are. There is no way anyone would believe you're a 42 year old woman. No way.

You look younger now than you did six years ago. I'm not sure how that's possible.

"Hi," I say. Nothing else comes to mind.

Instantly you scramble for your clothes, pulling them on in a rush of twisted, flying fabric. As if I haven't seen you naked before. As if I haven't had you in much more intimate settings.

"What...what you doing here? I mean, how did you know I was..."

You're panicked and I'm afraid I'll scare you away, lose you again.

As much as I wish I could just walk out the door, forget everything I've seen tonight, I can't.

My heart aches for you, yearns for you, beats for you.

I have questions that need answered. Desires that need fulfilled.

No one else can do what I need. Only you.

I squat down in front of you, reaching out to trail my fingers along your cheek.

"I've missed you, baby."

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Is it what you thought? Are you grumpy that he didn't leave? As if could have done that. :D**

**Klrtwiluver FanFic**** started a secret group over on Facebook. If you want in, find her over there or on twitter (**KlrTwiLuver **) and she'll let you in. Or me ( at BeegurlThirteen FanFiction). We already got some videos posted and a picture of Bella's cheer leading outfit. :) It's hot... :D**

**Thanks for all the votes on The Lemonade Stand! **_**Worship**_** was chosen as one of the Fic's of the Week! I'm so excited! It was really fun, so thanks for that. And I hope you found some more great stories while you were there. :)**

**Reviews are better than sexy dancing.**

**Leave one.**


	31. Chapter 31 Bare

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be driving someplace to buy me some breakfast. I don't wanna cook...**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I'm distracted by the sounds of the garbage truck outside. I remember when guys used to ride on the back of those things. :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She's writing me a story. It's so good... :)**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. **** They make me laugh and smile and giggle like a school girl. It's fun. :)**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. I'm relatively sure you're aware of that by now. If not, you obviously haven't been reading all my other chapter a/n's. :D**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Thirty One - Bare … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

You. You're here, in front of me.

It takes me a minute or two before I realize I'm almost naked in front of you.

Not that you haven't seen me naked before, it's just different now.

I'm older, as are you. And I can't believe it.

If someone had told me six years ago that you would be even more handsome, more mind blowingly gorgeous than you were then, I would have laughed in their face.

Time has been good to you. Your jaw is more defined. Your eyelashes seem even longer, more curly. Your hair is wild, yet tamed. You have the scruff of a three or four day beard. Somehow I don't think it's more than a day, two tops. Your button down shirt highlights your neck and adam's apple perfectly, drawing my eyes to your collar bones, that are just peeking out.

I look down at your arms, bare from the elbow down. Your hands, your long fingers that always knew just how to touch me.

I don't see a ring, though that doesn't mean much these days.

When I look back up, your eyes are watching me closely, as if I'll run. Like I could ever walk away from you. I did it once, and barely survived. Now that you're in front of me, I'll never be able to leave.

"Edward, what are you doing here?"

I need to know. Was this on purpose, or is this a happy coincidence, a happy accident?

"I'm here for a bachelor party. Then I saw you." Your words seem shy, hesitant. "I hid until I knew you only had an hour left, then I paid the man outside for an hour with you in this room."

I let out a laugh. "Edward, that's five hundred dollars. You can't afford that."

Your smile lights up your whole face.

"I can if it means I get to see you again."

Carefully I choose my next words, conscious of the destruction your response could do to me.

"Do you want to see me again?"

You sigh, looking at the floor for a moment. Soon your green eyes are burning into mine.

"Yes. I want to see you. I need to see you."

"But what I am, what I've become... This isn't me, Edward. Not really. I only do this for the money, so that I have time with Claire and for school. I'm not doing this forever."

You smile. "I know, Bella. I know you."

A sigh of relief slips from my chest. I don't know what do to. We have another forty five minutes in this room, and then I go home for the night. To our daughter, who's sleeping soundly.

Our daughter.

Claire.

That thought leaves me frozen, shaking. What have I done?

What do I do now?

How can you ever forgive me if I tell you the truth?

I let you believe the lies because it was easy, it gave you options. I couldn't be like him, stealing all of your opportunities in life.

I wonder now if I made the right choice.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Sound good? See, Bella had her reasons for walking away from Edward. I think when you're controlled by someone else, the thought of YOU controlling another person is a little bit horrifying. I know it is to me. :)**

**Klrtwiluver FanFic started a secret group over on Facebook. If you want in, find her over there & friend her, or on twitter ( at KlrTwiLuver ) and she'll let you in. There are videos, pictures, songs...all kinds of stuff. I think the crazy theories everyone has are my favorite part. I love it. :)**

**Reviews are better than Edward's collar bones peeking out of the open collar of his shirt. (YUMMY!)**

**Leave one.**


	32. Chapter 32 Blocks

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be off paying my electric bill for me. It sucks...paying for the air conditioning that you HAVE to have if you're gonna live where I live. With Rob's **_**Twilight **_**money, he might actually be able to afford it, and not have to pinch pennies elsewhere. :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I need to watch a good movie, I haven't seen any in a while. I know you wanted to know that. :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She leaves me cute quotes and lyrics in her reviews. I love them. :D**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. **** "Oh, my love, my darling, I've hungered for your touch a long, lonely time..." Oh good heavens, that movie. **_** Lux**_**, you're too young to remember this 'cause you weren't even BORN yet, but **_**EBT**_**...did EVERY party the last couple months of your senior year have this movie playing somewhere in the house? Oh my goodness, I think I watched it like 5 times in one week. Ugh...I liked it, until it came out on video. :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. But it's getting better, I think. :D**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Thirty Two - Blocks … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

"I'm off in 45 minutes. Do you want to stay here, or maybe we could..." you ask. I can see how nervous you are.

"Can we leave? Can you go early, since I already paid?"

You nod, telling me you just have to check with Marcus first.

As I sit, waiting, I wonder where we'll go.

What will I say when we get there? My mind is flustered, scrambled.

I wasn't expecting this today, seeing you. I'm not ready. Not prepared.

Yet I can't bear to let you go. What if I don't find you again?

"We can go, I'm all settled up."

"Okay."

I duck my head in, tell Peter I'm leaving. He doesn't know, understand. I promise to explain Monday.

It's cool outside. Spring is here, but it's still chilly. You're wearing a long coat, cinched up tight around you.

Just seeing you like this, I'd never guess what you have on underneath.

"Um, where do you wanna go?" you ask, your eyes not meeting mine.

"I have an apartment, or we can go to yours. I mean, do you need to get home? Do you have a babysitter or anything?"

Your eyes widen, and I wonder. Am I supposed to talk about Claire? I assumed she was with you, but maybe not.

"Yeah, Mrs. Cope. Um, okay. We can go there. If you want, I'll meet you."

"Alright."

You tell me the address and I punch it into my phone, asking for your phone number, too.

I turn toward the parking lot, and you start off on the sidewalk.

"Bella, where are you going?"

Your hair flips around your shoulders when you turn.

"I walked. It's just a few blocks, and it saves gas. Plus parking isn't free around here, so..."

"You do this very often?" I ask, horrified at the thought of you walking home alone in the middle of the night.

"Yeah, unless it's raining or snowing or something."

You turn, keep walking.

"Ride with me. I don't want you on the street alone."

Your head shakes, you try to refuse.

"Please, Bella."

After a few tense moments, you sigh, walk toward me.

I open the door for you.

I'm thankful I don't still drive my same car from high school. That could be awkward, all the memories we had in that.

After a few minutes, and the realization that a "few blocks" is actually a mile and a half, we pull up to your building.

It's not in the best area, but I've seen worse.

As you turn your key in the main door of the building, you speak.

"Claire will be sleeping. We just have to keep it down. And I need to change my clothes, so just give me a minute when we get in, okay?"

I nod, following close behind you.

A couple flights of stairs later, we're at your door. It's the same as all the others, except for the little puppy stickers on it. They must be from Claire.

I'm oddly excited about the prospect of meeting her, knowing her. Is she like you?

Your apartment is cozy, warm. Quiet.

"Bella, dear. You're home early! Why, Claire just went down a little while ago, and I was going to—oh! You're not alone."

The woman looks at me. I can tell from the look on her face that she's curious why you've brought me home.

Do you often bring men home? I don't even know.

"Mrs. Cope, this is Edward Cullen. He's a friend of mine from a long time ago. A friend of my family, really."

"Well, pleasure to meet you, Mr. Cullen. Bella, are you sick, dear? You're home early, and you never come home early."

You smile, your eyes soft as you look at this woman. I can tell she's important to you.

"I'm fine. I just got done a little early, is all. I saw Edward and we thought we'd come back here to talk, catch up. Everything is fine, don't worry."

Mrs. Cope smiles, hugs you before saying a quick goodnight and leaving.

"You can sit down, I'll be right back."

You hurry toward a door, I'm guessing your bedroom.

There are pictures around the small living room, a few of your five older children.

Most are of Claire. From every age.

And the one thing about them that gets me most is simple.

She looks exactly like me.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Oh boy...wonder what's gonna happen...**

**Klrtwiluver FanFic started a secret group over on Facebook. If you want in, find her over there & friend her, or on twitter ( at KlrTwiLuver ) and she'll let you in. There are videos, pictures, songs...all kinds of stuff. I think the crazy theories everyone has are my favorite part. I love it. :)**

**Reviews are better than cinched up trench coats.**

**Leave one.**


	33. Chapter 33 Ours

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be wiping the tears off my cheeks. You guys are amazing. I don't know what I ever did to deserve you... :{ (That's not sad, it's so happy it's crying. :D )**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. My eyes are too blurry from the tears to see straight. Sorry.**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She taking pics of high school football players for me tonight. Secretly, of course... :D**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. **** "I'm the king of the world!" Oh, when Leo was so cute... :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. But I don't even care, and neither do you, which makes me so flippin' happy. :)**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Thirty Three - Ours … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

Claire is sound asleep in her bed. It's small, and next to mine.

Mine's not much bigger.

No need for a big bed when there's only one person sleeping in it.

Plus it encourages Claire to sleep in her own bed, where she can spread out. And not kick me.

I grab a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt. They're old, not very nice. I don't really care, I'm too preoccupied with what I'll say to you tonight.

And what you'll say to me.

I debate over washing my face, but when I look in the mirror, my mind is made up.

The make up has to go. It's not really me, it's my mask.

And I'm tired of hiding. Especially from you.

You're standing in front of my bookcase, reading through the titles there. Touching some of the framed pictures. I'm glad that I keep our one family picture in my bedroom, next to my bed. Between Claire and I.

She likes it there, so she can see you and tell you goodnight every night.

"Do you want something to drink? Coffee or beer or something?"

You whirl around, your face looking more happy than anything else.

"Sure, um, just water is fine."

"Okay," I say, hurrying to the kitchen and hoping Claire didn't drink all of the water bottles I had in the fridge.

I'm in luck, there's one. I grab it for you, and a Sprite for me.

Claire goes crazy on caffeine, so I rarely buy it. But that's something you don't know.

My school books are spread all over the coffee table, so I quickly begin to stack them. Move them to the dining table.

"Are these yours? Are they school books?" you ask, helping me straighten my messy heap of papers.

"Yeah, I'm going to school."

"Really? Bella, that's great. What are you studying?" You actually seem interested, and it makes me smile.

You were the one who always believed in me.

It makes sense that this would make you happy.

"Nursing. I figure everywhere needs nurses, so no matter where I live, if I do a good job, I can probably find work. Plus, I'd like to work in a school someday, maybe keep the same hours as Claire."

"That's a really good idea. How much longer do you have?"

I push a strand of hair behind my ear, sitting down on the couch. My left leg is curled underneath me.

"About two more years. I've got money saved, so I think I'll only have to work until the end of this year, then I can focus on school."

"Sounds like a good plan," you say, settling into the other end of my little sofa.

I smile a little. "Well, you gotta have a plan, right? And I mean, I can't dance forever, so..."

You laugh, and next to Claire's laugh, it's the most beautiful sound I've heard in years.

We sit, quiet, alone, but together.

I don't know what to say. Neither do you.

"So, should we just start from the beginning?" you quietly ask.

"Okay."

You clear your throat, your eyes looking up to meet mine.

"I just need to know something."

Here it comes, the question I've been dreading for over 7 years.

The hardest lie I ever told.

The only one I ever wanted to take back.

"Did you sleep with my father?"

I'm still, on pause. That's not what I was expecting, and I'm clearly shocked.

"What? Why would you ask that?"

"Because he told me that you did, that Claire was his daughter. That's why she looks like me. Is that true?"

My eyes well up with tears. Your father...he protected me. And you. Why would he do that for me? Why would he look out for me when all I'd ever done was corrupt his teenage son? Why would he help me?

"Is it?" you ask again, your words so quiet I can barely hear them.

I shake my head.

"No, it's not true." There's a quiver in my voice. A shake. The truth.

Your eyes close and you draw in a deep breath through your nose.

"Tell me the truth, Bella. All those rumors. Were any of them true?"

I shake my head again. "No."

"How many men have you been with? I don't want to know since your divorce, but until then, how many?"

"Um, two when I was young." A tear slides down my cheek. "And him. And you."

Your head falls back against the couch, your eyes closed.

"So then Claire?"

I pull in a shaky breath.

It's now or never.

"I lied, Edward. She's yours."

You don't move.

You just breathe.

"She's ours."

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: So?**

**Klrtwiluver FanFic started a secret group over on Facebook. If you want in, find her over there & friend her, or on twitter ( at KlrTwiLuver ) and she'll let you in. There are videos, pictures, songs...all kinds of stuff. I think the crazy theories everyone has are my favorite part. I love it. :)**

**Reviews are better than cold bottles of water. (And trust me, in the desert, those babies are like gold. It's almost October and it was 105 degrees here today. Ugh...)**

**Leave one.**


	34. Chapter 34 Confess

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be doing a rain dance in my front yard. There are clouds a'brewin. Let us pray...**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. Reactions of characters also belong to me. I made them do it. It was fun. :D I'm gonna make them get lemony again, before all is said and done, so you might enjoy that, too. :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. I got my picture! Score! Takes me back to my old high school days...standing down on the track...cheering and dancing for the plays that we couldn't see because all the sidelined football players were in our way. And they didn't have nearly as nice of tushies as the hot guys playing out on the field. Bummer... :D**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. **** I'm pretty sure neither of you would be opposed to attending a high school football game with me... :D We could all have camera's and binoculars. :D Wear our cougar badges with honor. Well, except for**_** Lux**_**, she's just a puma. :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. Bonus chapter! :D I'm sure you're glad I didn't leave things off with that last one. :D**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Thirty Four - Confess … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

Your face is buried in your hands as you sob. And sob.

I want so much to calm you, but I'm swirling.

My world is spinning out of control, and I can't stop it long enough to focus on you.

Claire is my daughter.

You never slept with my father, or any of those other men.

Why did everyone lie to me? Why did you all seem to think I wouldn't be able to handle the truth?

My hand runs over my face, through my hair, pulling. Hard.

It slams down on the sofa, startling you.

"You never told me? Why, Bella? Why didn't you tell me? She's my daughter, I had a right to know."

I can barely make out your words between the sad, tragic cries.

"...wanted better...you deserve...I'm not ever...had to go..."

I breath in, several times. Willing my heart to calm, my brain to stop. My words come out jumbled, twisted. Wrong.

"I don't understand. I loved you. So fucking much, Bella. I wanted to be with you, and you just took my daughter and what, left town? Tried to pass her off as your husband's kid? How could you be so stupid, Bella? How could you think no one would ever find out? And then to let my father lie to me, for all these years, I just don't-"

"I didn't know he lied, I promise. I don't know why he did it, you have to ask him. But I didn't know, I swear it. On my life. On our daughter's life, I didn't know."

I watch you, see the sincerity in your words, your face.

You don't lie.

Well, you didn't used to lie. Until I came along.

You were a horrible liar. Maybe you still are. Either way, something in the way you look at me makes me believe you.

"I wanted better for you. I didn't see any way that we could ever be together. Leah would have hated me forever. Do you understand? Do you have any idea what it would have felt like for her to be betrayed by her mother? The one person in all the world that should always stand behind her, support her. I couldn't do that to her. It was bad enough that I'd fallen in love with her boyfriend."

Your shirt is a snotty, sobbing mess. I notice a box of tissues on the kitchen counter and go get it, give it to you.

I don't want you uncomfortable. Even though I'm angry, I don't want you to suffer.

I've never wanted that.

"Bella?" I ask, reaching for your hand that's laying in your lap.

I stare at your fingers, tracing the place where a ring should be.

There's not one. Not even a mark. I hope that means...

"I loved you, too. I still do. I've tried so hard these last few years to forget you. I tried to move on with Leah, to just be grateful that I had some part of you left in my life. But I couldn't do it. She deserved better than me. Not a man who would always compare her to the one person she should never have to compete against."

Your sobs slow, leading to sniffles. Gasps.

"I loved her, too. But it was never enough. It never could have been."

"Are you still with her?" you ask, your voice soft, low, and so broken.

"No, not for a few years now. Not since after he got remarried. It just wasn't fair. He got to be happy, while you got nothing. Those stupid old gossipy women, they set him up with someone 20 years younger than him. How is that fair? It's not right. You and I, there's 17 years, and yet we're considered disgusting. Wrong. Horrible and sick."

It's so true, all the things I'm saying to you. I can see it in your eyes. You agree with me. You believe it, too.

"Age shouldn't matter," I tell you, holding tight to your hand. "When you meet the person that completes all the unfinished parts of you, it shouldn't matter about anything else. All that should be important is if you love that person. And I love you, Bella. I have since the first time I saw you in Sunday services, when I was 17 years old. You were like nothing I'd ever seen before. I couldn't take my eyes off of you."

I spill my guts, tell you all the things I never did before. Confess. The embarrassing things. The sacred and beautiful things. Things I've never told another person before.

Only you.

I tell you about why I chased you, why I couldn't give up.

I tell you about how I dreamed of you each night, not able to fall asleep until I'd jerked off with your face in my mind.

I tell you about the times I had sex with Leah and how it was only ever you that I thought about.

I tell you how I dreamed that you would come back to me, eventually.

But you never did.

And it broke my heart, harder than I even thought was possible.

I talk and talk and talk, and you listen, soaking everything in.

Finally, when my words cease, you sit frozen. Your eyes are closed, your head bowed.

It almost looks as though you're praying.

But what could you be praying for?

Me?

Us?

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Better? You breathing okay? Tomorrow you're getting something everyone's been asking for. :)**

**Klrtwiluver FanFic started a secret group over on Facebook. If you want in, find her over there & friend her, or on twitter ( at KlrTwiLuver ) and she'll let you in. There are videos, pictures, songs...all kinds of stuff. I think the crazy theories everyone has are my favorite part. I love it. :)**

**See you tomorrow! It'll be Saturday, with hubs and kids home all day... We'll see how many chapters I can get out. I'm not making any promises... :(**

**Reviews are better than Edward offering you tissues.**

**Leave one.**


	35. Chapter 35 Fault

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be going with me and my bestie to buy our Breaking Dawn tickets today! Yippee!**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I'm in a hurry...I want that ticket! :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. I love her...I wish she was going to Breaking Dawn with us, but no. She's going to a big ole fancy party with look-a-like's and everything. Lucky. :P**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. ****I friended them both on my fancy new fanfic Facebook account I finally broke down and made. Ugh...one more complication in my life that I was trying to avoid. :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. But this chapter's not really. :)**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Thirty Five - Fault … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

All the things you're saying, they're all good. Perfect. Exactly right.

Can they possibly be true?

Is there any way you could ever want me, need me, as much as I do you?

I'm still reeling over what your father did. Still ashamed that I ran from you, lied to you. Still afraid that you're angry with me, will take my Claire away.

She's all I have left. All I've had for the past six years.

Although now, you say I have you, too.

Do I?

Really?

I clench my eyes shut, hoping that when I open them, I'll see the truth in you. I'll see honesty, sincerity.

I need that. I won't survive it if you fill me with falsehoods only to break me down. I'm already broken. Can't you see that?

"Say something," you whisper in my ear, moving closer to me.

I can smell you. Your skin. It's like coming home after a long, exhausting trip. It's comfort, warmth.

I crave it.

But not now, not like this.

I lost everything for you. Do you know that? Does that factor into the things you say? Do you just feel sorry for me?

I don't know what to say.

"I don't know what to say," I tell you. Because I don't. There's nothing clear in my brain that needs to be told, be felt, be understood.

You sigh, leaning away from me, and instantly I regret it. I want you closer. So much closer.

My mind races, trying to figure out how to get you back, get you closer.

"I love you...so much. I risked everything to be with you, and I lost. All of it, everything. I can't ever get it back."

I know you, you're pulling away from me. I feel it. You're taking on all the blame.

It wasn't all your fault. I made decisions, I was an adult.

You were barely accountable for your choices, actions. You were young and innocent. I'm the deviant, the sinner, the cheat.

"Bella, I'm so sorry I put you through this. Not only did I cost you your entire life, but then I didn't even have enough faith in us to stick around."

I look up, seeing your green eyes swimming in tears.

"I did this. Yeah, I lost almost everything. But if I could do it over? If I could go back and change anything? I wouldn't. It was worth you. You were worth it. Even if what we had then is all we ever have, at least I can look at my daughter someday and tell her that I was truly loved. That I loved with my whole heart. That she's proof of that. At least I had you for a split second in time, and that's what will carry me through the rest of my days."

Your face is heaven, the way you're looking at me. I know without a doubt that the Ancient Greek would have carved statues to your beauty. I can feel it in my bones. You're everything good in the world, wrapped up in one package, and I wish I could keep you always.

But as the night continues and we get no where, I realize, I have to give you back.

We sit on the sofa, quiet, unspoken words beating us down.

I don't know how long I can do this. Be this close to you and hold back everything I want. The things I crave. It's not right to ask them of you, but your fingers rubbing over mine tells me that maybe you want them, too.

I want to ask. I lick my lips, turn my face toward you. Open my mouth to speak.

A squeak comes from a floorboard near by.

"Mommy?"

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: You knew it was coming. :)**

**Sandy at Southern FanFiction Review wrote an incredible review for this story. It made me cry... :) Go check it out and leave her some love. She is always so supportive of me and other authors and stories. I love that. :) It's linked on my profile here so that you can see it. Easy access and all. :)**

**Reviews are better than being truly love. (Well, maybe not when it's Edward doing the loving... :D )**

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	36. Chapter 36 Claire

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be enjoying the ginger molasses cookies I bought while at lunch today. Oh yeah, I also bought my ticket for 8 hours of Rob on the biggest movie screen in Arizona. I love that theater...plus no waiting in line! It's awesome! And so much Edward...I can't wait! :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I'm all hyped up on ginger molasses cookies! Paradise Bakery is lovely... If only they'd have GM cookies at the SAME TIME as Lemon Zester cookies. It's just not fair... :(**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. I'm gonna start saving my pennies for next year's BD part 2 showing. We gotta see it together. I'm thinking she needs to come here... :)**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. ****You should see the avi pic **_**EBT**_** has on her fanfic FB account. It's the funniest thing... :D I once read this silly o/s that went with that picture...I need to find it again. :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. Nice, right? :D**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Thirty Six - Claire … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

I look past you to the voice of an angel. Standing there in a long white gown, is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I see me in her...but I see you. So much of you.

"Claire, what's wrong?" you ask, leaning forward and blocking my view.

Not on purpose, just out of a sense of duty to this small girl who is your world.

"I'm thirsty. I had some crackers before bed. I'm thirsty now, Mommy."

She bats her eyelashes, leans closer to you.

Holding up a pointer finger, she puckers her lips.

"Who's that man, Mommy?"

Reality slams into my chest like a wrecking ball. She doesn't even know me.

I don't even care if she recognizes me or not, but does she know she HAS a father? Does she know who he is?

Will she hate me?

You whisper to her, in her ear, and her eyes light up.

She walks toward me, between your legs and the table. Her hand reaches for my face, her soft fingers rubbing against my stubble.

"I know you," she says, smiling wide.

"Oh yeah?" I ask, challenging. She's so confident, but does she really?

"Yep, Daddy. I have a picture, you wanna see?" she says, turning and darting back into your bedroom.

I look at you. "Do you share a room with her?" I ask.

You look down, a bit sad. Embarrassed maybe. There's no reason to be.

"Yeah. That's what I could afford at first, and I just liked it here. We stayed. There's room for both our beds, so it works."

I think about my three bedroom apartment, how much space there is for a family.

Maybe our family, someday?

I can't see myself living here. We'd all be on top of each other constantly. That would never work.

You inch closer to the corner of the couch. I think I'm losing you. No need thinking about my apartment, we're no where near that. Yet.

"See?" she says, running in with a little wooden frame. Star stickers surround it.

The same picture I have in my drawer at home stares back at me. I smile.

I looked at this same picture just this afternoon. If I'd known...if I'd known I would be looking at the only other copy that exists in the world, with you and her, I never would have believed it.

But here I am. With both of you. And this picture, the picture I've stared at for years, is brand new. Brought to life all over again.

Memories flood my mind. I don't ever want it them to stop.

"That's you, huh, Daddy?" she says, pointing to me.

I nod, unable to speak.

She points to you. "And that's Mommy. But not Daddy's Mommy, she's my Mommy."

She's sweet, perfect, healthy, smart...everything I've been missing over the past six years.

I just never knew it until now.

And I realize...everything I will ever need in my life is in this room with me.

Now to convince you of that...

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: There she is... I know the cutest little girl named Claire. She's one of my favorite girls at church, she's so cute. And spunky! :D Gotta love that. :D**

**Sandy at Southern FanFiction Review wrote an incredible review for this story. It made me cry... :) Go check it out and leave her some love. She is always so supportive of me and other authors and stories. I love that. :) I'll get it linked on my profile here so that you can see it. Easy access and all. :)**

**Reviews are better than soft fingers rubbing against stubble.**

**Leave one.**


	37. Chapter 37 Prince

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would have slept in today with me. The man likes to snuggle, who I am to deny him? :)**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I'm still sleepy. Sorry. :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She posted a TON of chapters yesterday on the little story she's writing for me, **_**Might Have Been**_**. Have you read it? If not, you're missing out... :)**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. ****"You are my fire, the one desire, believe when I say, I want it that way..." Gotta love boy bands. :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. It's getting sweet and pretty up in here. :D**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Thirty Seven - Prince … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

Seeing you with her, I feel like the Grinch. Claire watches that movie, no matter the time of year.

Like him, my heart grows three sizes at once.

I sit back, finally relaxing a bit. The night has been long, strange. But the two of you together, her showing you the picture that's been my saving grace more often than I'd like to admit, comforts me.

She talks, so much.

You just listen and listen, like you're soaking up every word. Every syllable. Every eyebrow raise, smiling lip, crazy hand gesture. Every random insect fact. Every Barbie playtime story. Every wound or scrape in the last few months.

You can't get enough. And I know the feeling. So well.

I often do the same thing.

She reminds me so much of you, not just in looks, but in mannerisms. In expressions. In interests.

Sometimes I watch her, remembering you the same way. It calms me, soothes me.

I need it.

I've lived off of it.

It's like air, water, and joy all rolled into one.

She is undeniably your daughter, and I'm so grateful to have her.

After what seems to be hours, and her unending chatter and giggles, I touch her arm.

"Claire Bear, sweetie, it's time for bed. Let's get your drink and go back to bed, okay?"

She looks at me hesitant.

"But Daddy, will Daddy be here when I wake up?"

Her eyes go back to you, as do mine.

"Yeah, I'll be here." You swallow, reach out to touch her hand. "I'm gonna go home and sleep, but then I'll come back and see you, okay? Maybe I can bring you lunch or something. Would you like that?"

"Can we go to the park and get hot dogs from the hot dog man?"

You smile, glancing at me. I can see it in your eyes, wondering if that's something we do. If it's okay to say yes to her.

"Sure, honey, I'll bet Daddy would love that," I say.

You nod, agreeing.

"Okay then. Mommy, can Daddy tuck me in, too?" she asks.

Of course she would. She's asked at least once a week, for years, when her Daddy would be able to tuck her into bed. Her friend at school has a daddy that tucks her in, reads to her. Claire wants that, too.

You shift forward, standing and reaching for her hand. "I would love to."

Claire pulls you along, uncertainty on your face. I smile, following behind you.

I notice you glancing around our small bedroom, taking in my twin sized mattress, the lack of open floor space. I know you think it's too small, not enough for us. You're right, but it's what fits us. What we can manage without any problem.

She pulls back her Princess sheets, jumping into her bed with a smile.

"Daddy, can you read to me?"

Why am I not surprised she asked? She wants this. So much.

She places our picture back on our nightstand, turning it so she can see it from her pillow. I see you notice, smile.

She grabs a book, The Three Little Pigs, and pushes it into your hands. With a cautious look, our eyes meet. I smile, hoping to encourage you.

She wants this so much. Please, don't let her down.

And of course, because you're who you are, you don't. You open the book and read, with funny voices and everything.

It melts my heart, and I sit on my bed, watching. Loving the bond I can see forming between you. Wishing I'd been strong enough six years ago to have encouraged it. Wishing things had been different, and it had been possible.

After the story, you kiss her cheek, pulling up her blanket around her neck. She giggles, snuggles in. As we turn to leave, she calls to me.

"Mommy, you too."

I smile, going to kiss her, hug her tight.

"I love you, Mommy. Daddy's so handsome," she whispers. "He's like a prince, huh Mommy?"

I nod. "He is, he's a prince for sure."

"And you're like a princess, so pretty." She fingers my hair, a curl left in it from earlier in the night.

"I love you, Claire. Good night, bug."

In the living room, you move toward the door. My heart screams in protest. Don't go. Not yet.

"I should go, but can I come back tomorrow?"

"Alright," I say, not meaning it. I want you back tomorrow, I just don't want you to leave in between. So many things need to be said, still, and I can't find a way to do that. To say them.

"Bella, I know this is fucked up, and I know there are a lot of things we need to talk about, but if there's any way possible that I could ever be in your life again, please tell me what to do so I can do it. I want you and Claire, so much. I don't want to miss you anymore, and I don't want to miss any more time with her. Please, think about it."

My eyes water. So much crying I've done tonight. "I want you, too. I never stopped. And Claire, she wants you. More than you could ever know. We want you with us, if you can."

Your hand raises to my cheek, lifting my face to see yours as you step closer.

"I can, if you let me. I don't care what anyone says. You're my heart, my soul. I've gone without for too long, denied what I knew was true. Right. I won't do it again."

We stare for seconds, minutes, hours. Whatever it is, it feels right and good. Like a flickering flame that draws in the moth, you draw me in, and I move to you. Letting you know, in one of the few ways I can, that I need you.

Pushing onto my tiptoes, my hand goes around your neck, pulling you down to meet me halfway. And you do.

Your lips are as soft as I remember them. So sweet and tender, moving with mine in the most delicious ways. I feel your tongue, so gentle, tasting me, and I open to you.

My waist is encircled by your arms, my body melting into yours. There's no sound, no movement, nothing in the world but us. And for a few moments, I take all that you'll give me. Letting greed consume me.

You seem to be the same, and we kiss. And kiss. And kiss. Until finally, from across the room, we hear it. A giggle.

"See Mommy, Daddy's a prince, isn't he?"

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: I love kids...they're always so honest and straight to the point about things. :)**

**Reviews are better than bedtime stories read by Edward.**

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	38. Chapter 38 Smooth

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be rubbing my feet. I used to always think that was weird when I watched **_**The Cosby Show**_** and Dr. Huxtable rubbed his wife's feet, but now I get it. It's like heaven... :) Oh, and funny...Mrs. Huxtable's name was Claire, just like Rpattz's mom's name. :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I ate yogurt for breakfast/lunch. I might need to eat something else. My tummy ain't happy right now... :(**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She's getting a migraine. I hate when that happens to her. It usually means it's about to happen to me, too. :(**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. ****They'll be getting lemony things from me today. I'm sure they're excited...and you will be soon, too. :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. Taboo, but with a side of sweet. Enjoy it, you all seem to know (according to your reviews) that happy doesn't last forever. :D Don't worry, I'm thinking about 60 chapters for this, so how much trouble could these two get into? :D**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Thirty Eight - Smooth … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

I smile when I hear Claire call me a prince. I smile at your laugh, too.

She isn't the only one who believes it. I can see it in your eyes.

"Claire Elizabeth, get back in your bed this instant!" you say, trying to be tough

She smiles before turning. She's gone. We are alone again. I want to kiss you more.

"Thanks for tonight, Edward. I've wondered about this moment, how this would be if we ever found each other again. Never in my wildest dreams did it turn out this good. Perfect."

Your eyes meet mine. I can see that you mean it.

"I know we didn't talk about a lot of things we need to, but that's okay. There's time." Your teeth sink into your lower lip, gnawing it a bit before you look back up at me. "Are you really coming back tomorrow?" you whisper.

What can I do to convince you? To prove that I'm being true?

I put my finger on your lip, tracing it and smoothing it with my touch.

"Yes, I promise. And we'll go to the park, and I'll buy us lunch from the hot dog man, and we'll watch our daughter play on the toys, and I'll buy ice cream if she wants it, and we'll talk, and I'll hold your hand, and I'll love you in public for the first time ever."

Your eyes tear up, your forehead wrinkling.

"Yeah?" you ask. It's nearly unhearable, but I see your lips move. See your eyes ask it, too.

"Yes. Nothing will keep me away. Not ever again. If you want me, I'm here."

"I want you. You have no idea how much I want you." Tears slide down your cheeks and I wipe them away with my thumbs. Kissing your forehead, your nose, your lips.

"I'll see you soon," I say. I won't say goodbye. Not ever again.

Tonight, my apartment doesn't feel like home anymore. It's too empty, too quiet, too big and cold. I want to go back to yours, but it's four in the morning. You're probably sleeping. Mrs. Cope may call the police on me if she hears me lurking around.

Not to mention, it's really not to safe around there. We'll need to discuss that.

And the walking home after work.

Now that I have you back, I won't lose you to some random thug who's looking for a cheap thrill or an easy fuck. No one is taking you away from me. Not ever again.

I have your phone number, but I don't know. Is it a cell or your house? If I knew it was a cell, I'd text you. Tell you I miss you. Tell you that even though I struggled through six years without you by my side, I can't sleep without you anymore. My body knows you're a possibility. It's fighting me.

I take a chance. I have to.

_You awake? I miss you._

I send it off, not knowing if I'll hear anything tonight.

Within a minute, my phone buzzes.

_Yes. I miss you, too. It's like now that you're back, I can't sleep without you. Though I never really got to sleep with you before. Strange, huh?_

I laugh. I was just thinking the same thing.

I really do know you.

_Is it too late for me to come back over? Is that crazy?_

I wait, hoping you'll not think I'm completely insane. Hoping you'll see how head over heals I am for you. I'm crazy in love. It's pretty obvious, I think.

_You want to come back? My bed's small, but I have my couch._

I smile. I'm not sleeping anywhere but next to you.

_You're bed's big enough, we'll fit._

I grab clothes as I wait for your reply. Pull out my duffle bag and fill it with all the things I'll need for the morning.

_I'm waiting, hurry up._

The drive over can't go by fast enough, and before I know it, I'm at your door, buzzing your apartment. I fly up the stairs, smiling when I see you standing in your open doorway, wearing a long shirt and nothing else.

Your legs are so smooth, creamy, and I can't stop looking.

I know I just saw them, all shining and otherworldly at the club, but this...this is heaven. The natural you, the real you. This is the Bella I love.

"You got here awfully fast."

I smile. "It felt like forever."

You pull me inside, closing the door behind us. My bag is forgotten on the floor, shoes kicked off, light switches flipped.

"Shhhh," you say, pulling me along behind you to your room, your bed.

It's against the wall, and you get in first. That's fine with me, I won't let you fall. Laying on my back, you pull the covers over us as my arm slides around you. I feel you curl into my side, and I shift, move, until you're on my chest.

"Good night, baby," I whisper, kissing your forehead before I bury my nose in your hair.

Sleep consumes me, and I've never slept so good before.

And I'm right, there is plenty of room for the two of us in your little bed.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: I don't have a cell phone. It's a good thing Edward doesn't try to text me...it wouldn't work. :D**

**Reviews are better than tiny beds.**

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	39. Chapter 39 Family

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be eating the brownies I just made, 'cause he likes to make me happy. :)**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. That **_**Sister Wives**_** show is on. It's distracting. :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She and I were wondering...have any other authors done what we're doing? Written stories for their wifey and then posted them at the same time? We were curious... :D We like our little love letters we're doing for each other. :D**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. ****If I had to be a sister wife, I'd want these two with me and **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. They'd be fun to hang out with. :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. This chapter is sweet. Some of you are worried about what's to come. You know me... :D**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Thirty Nine - Family … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

Light seeps through the curtains. I know it's morning.

Was it a dream? Seeing you, finding you again, was it all a figment of my imagination?

I stir, bending to stretch and feel something, someone. My eyes flutter open, and I breathe a sigh of relief. It was real, you're here.

I can't stop the smile spreading across my face, nor can I hide the giddy look and laugh that threaten to break free in the early morning quiet.

Claire's bed is empty, and I wonder where she's gone. When I move my head, open my eyes a bit more, I see her.

Her copper curls tucked in next to you, on the other side of you from me. Your arm is around her, holding her close to you, and it dawns on me.

We're a family.

A real family.

Finally, Claire has what she's been dreaming of.

"This bed is plenty big for two, but I'm not sure about three," you whisper, your eyes still shut tight.

Reaching across, I stroke her hair, her face, and she wakes. Happy, joyous, bubbling.

"Hi Mommy. Look, Daddy came back to have a sleep over. We gotta get another bed, Mommy. A bed for Daddy."

She stretches, nearly falling off the bed, but you catch her. Hold her up. She yawns, her eyes still heavy with sleep.

"I gotta go potty," she says, rolling out of the bed and disappearing into the hall.

I look up at you, finding your eyes on me. "Good morning," you say softly.

I smile. "Good morning to you." We stare, our bodies laying pressed together, my leg over your thigh, your hand on the small of my back.

We're so close to being what we once were, physically. But so far away.

I move my leg a bit and feel you, growing, hardening, firm and heavy. I want you like this, but not with Claire coming right back. And I know she will. She's wanted this for too long, she can't stay away.

You sense my worry, reaching under the sheet, adjusting. "Sorry, I can't help it. It's morning, plus I'm laying with you. It's instinctive."

Smiles seem to be my only expression today, and I grin from ear to ear at hearing how you react to me.

"I know the feeling. My body's the same, you just can't tell."

Your eyes challenge me. "I could...if I tried."

The thrill that shoots through me is electric, instant, exciting. It's something I haven't felt in so long.

I like it.

Claire runs back into the room. "Daddy, can we go to the park now? I'm hungry."

Sitting up, I push my hand through my hair. "Honey, why don't we have some breakfast first, okay? And then we'll get dressed. Then we can go play."

"Okay. I'm having cereal," she yells as she runs for the kitchen.

I drag you from bed, wanting to kiss you, but hesitant. Morning breath. It's never a pretty picture.

You smile, reading my mind.

"Go brush your teeth. I have things I want to do with that mouth of yours today," you say, lightly swatting my ass as I head toward the bathroom.

Entering the kitchen I find you both there, side by side, pouring cereal, milk, juice.

We sit at the table, eating and talking and loving each other. Breakfast is my favorite time of day. Claire is always so chatty, and today is no different.

You shower first while I clean up the dishes. I smile the whole time, knowing you're only feet away from me. I've waited and wanted this for so long. I thought today would never come.

After I'm dressed and Claire is bathed and ready, we walk to the park. The day is beautiful, and we look like a family. Each of us holds one of Claire's hands, and the smile on her face is nearly as bright as the sun.

She's happy. I'm happy. You look happy.

It's perfect.

We play, talk, eat, play again, and laugh. It's wonderful. The whole day you hold my hand, have an arm around me, place kisses on my temple. We're happy together. I want this forever and ever and ever.

In my mind I know that tomorrow brings reality. You work, Claire has school, I have school. I wonder if you'll mind me working now, if you'll freak out over it. Some of the girls at the club have lost boyfriends due to the jealousy. I hope that's not us.

By afternoon, Claire is tired and we head back. I cook dinner for us, letting the two of you talk and visit and bond. I like it. So do you, and so does she.

You tuck Claire into bed when it's time, kissing her cheeks and reading another story. She loves it, I can tell. And I'm sure she'll be bursting with stories of you to all of her friends at school. That's how she is.

We settle into my couch, both knowing what's coming. Both knowing the real world is banging down our door, trying to settle back in.

"So, we're together, right?" you ask, hesitant. Hopeful. Afraid.

"Yes, I hope so."

Your eyes look into mine. "Me too."

We sit for minutes, just looking at each other. No words, none are needed. We're both on the same page, and we know it. We always have been.

"Can I come over tomorrow?" you ask.

I laugh. "Of course, every day, all day, any time you want."

You say we should take it slow, take our time, get to know each other again.

I agree. We need that.

But when we get to know each other, then what?

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: You ever had a hot dog from a hot dog vendor on the street? I have. It wasn't bad. :D**

**Reviews are better than sleep overs.**

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	40. Chapter 40 Text

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be dusting my living room. It's so dusty living here in the desert. :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. It's Monday morning. Need I say more?**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She posted a pretty chapter today. It made me teary. :)**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. ****"And when I tell you to go, you gotta go. You gotta paddle your little heart out. You can't hesitate, you can't pull back, you can't hold back. No fear. Alright?" You probably don't even know what movie that's from. It's one of my very favorites... :) **

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. Not a full on lemon...but we're getting there. :)**

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… **Chapter Forty - Text … Edward …**

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It's hard to leave. I want to ask you to come home with me, but Claire's sleeping. She has school in the morning. It's not feasible.

I kiss you, hold you, touch you. I want to touch more of you, but we're going slow. We're doing this right. It's too important to mess up.

The drive home is torture. Being away from you is the worst kind of misery. Not being able to see you until tomorrow afternoon is a nightmare.

Not sleeping next to you is a living hell.

I text you as soon as I'm in bed, hoping you're still awake. You reply quickly.

_Yeah, I'm awake. Glad you got home okay._

I smile. You're as concerned about me as I am about you. You're invested in this, too. I like that.

_I did. I miss you already. What are you wearing?_

I ask it as a joke, but secretly, I hope you'll tell me.

_I miss you, too. And wearing? You know what I'm wearing. I wore it last night. Why, what are you wearing._

Screw slow. I'm hard for you.

_It's different from last night. Tonight I'm wearing nothing but a smile and a hard on._

Your response takes a few more seconds than usual. I think I surprised you.

_Really? Nothing, huh? What happened to slow? Not that I mind you flirting with me. Though I may need to lose an article of clothing or two..._

Right where I want you. Let's see if my old Bella is in there somewhere.

_Screw slow. Can you lock your door? Go in the living room or something?_

I wait, aching for your words.

_Yeah, I'm there. Claire's sleeping. I had to take off my panties. They're wet. Dripping._

Oh fuck, baby. There's my dirty girl.

_Wet, huh? I could take care of that for you. With my tongue. Would you let me, if I was there?_

It's hard to rub my cock and text at the same time, so while I wait, I stroke.

_I'd want your tongue and your fingers. Would you give them both to me? Let me feel them both inside of me?_

Damn it, I wish I'd stayed at your apartment again. This living apart thing needs to end. Like, now.

_Whatever you want, baby. My cock is so hard right now, my hand can barely wrap around it, it's so big. What do you want to do to my cock, baby?_

I don't even need lotion tonight. I'm seeping for you, spreading the beads of cum all over myself as I tug and pull, reading your words over and over again.

_I want your cock in my mouth, where I can lick it and suck it and hear you moan from how hot and wet my mouth is. Would you cum down my throat, baby? Or would you cum all over my tits?_

Holy fuck, this is killing me. I want you so bad, I can't stand it anymore. If I thought I could jerk off and drive at the same time, I'd already be pounding down your door, before I pounded into you.

_I'd fuck your mouth so good, and I'd fuck your tits, but I'd save my cum for when I'm inside you. I wanna be buried deep in your pussy before I let go. Feel you clamp down on me. I want that so much._

I'm pulling, tugging, jerking like I haven't done in ages. Each time I did this in the past six years, it was to images, memories of you. Now, I have something real, tangible. It might just be your words, but I know you're on the other end with your phone, feeling all the same pleasure I'm feeling. And I love it.

_Would you let me ride you, baby? Watch my tits bounce up and down while I screamed out your name? Do you remember how that was, baby?_

I remember. I remember all of it. Every second.

_Oh yeah, Bella. I remember how fuckin gorgeous you were. I can't wait to see you like that again. Will you let me see you like that?_

I'm stroking so hard, I can feel my stomach muscles beginning to tense.

_I wish you could see me now. My fingers pushed inside me, pumping like I wish your cock was doing. If you were here, Edward, ohhhhhh...I want you so much._

The image of your words pushes me over the edge, and I'm barely coherent enough to type with one hand.

_Bella...oh fuck baby...I can't...ooooooooooo_

I cum so hard, picturing you in my head. Thick spurts of milky white liquid cover my stomach, and I sit. Gasping for air. Waiting for you to write back.

After a few minutes, you do.

_Sorry, I haven't cum that hard in a really long time. So much for taking things slow. Just so you know, next time I see you, I won't be able to stop. I have to have you. If you kiss me, beware._

I laugh, knowing it will be the same for me.

_Well, looks like I need to take a long lunch tomorrow. What time does Claire get home from school?_

Grabbing some tissues, I clean up my mess, put on some sleep pants.

_She's home at three. I'm home all day, whenever you want to come over. I'm here, if you want._

Oh baby, I want. No doubt about that.

_I usually take lunch at noon. I'll be over then. And Bella, don't forget...I love you._

It's late, you need to sleep. After the evening we've had, I think we're both exhausted.

_I'll be ready. I love you, too. I'll see you soon._

I smile, anxious for tomorrow and when I'll see you again. I can hardly wait.

I text one more thing. A heart.

Hopefully you know what it means.

You have my heart. Then, now, always.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Wooooooo, it's a little hot in here, right? Is it just me? Oh golly...**

**Reviews are better than going slow.**

**Leave one.**


	41. Chapter 41 Fire

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would have watched me trim my bangs this afternoon. He likes seeing me be all useful and stuff. It turns him on... :)**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I'm in a rush, gotta get to the store before dinner time! :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. We're making practically the same thing for dinner...thousands of miles apart...with no planning. We're so of the same brain half the time. :D**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. ****The are both in possession of all chapters up to 54, and **_**EBT**_** has stated publicly on the FB secret group that she's accepting bribes for secrets. That girl... :D The things she won't do for good RobPorn. :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. Okay, this chapter ends in a VERY harsh place. I don't think I'll be able to get another one up tonight, SOOOOOOO, if you do NOT want to be sexually frustrated all night, DON'T read this until tomorrow, when the next chapter is posted. If, on the other hand, you like to feel the burn...the longing...the want and desire, read it. Then wait until tomorrow morning for the satisfaction you're craving. Really, I didn't want to post these on separate days, but that's how it's turning out. :) Don't say I didn't warn you... :)**

**(Aren't you glad you weren't reading this when it was posting? :D I was gonna take this warning out, but it's cute...I like it, so I left it in. :D )  
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… **Chapter Forty One - Fire … Bella …**

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Sleep doesn't come easy, though I'm exhausted and completely euphoric.

I had heard about phone sex and on-line sex, but text sex...I never dreamed it could be as hot as it was. Maybe that's just because it was with you.

I had sex once after the divorce. A man I worked with, James, he was nice.

It had been so long. His attention felt good, kind.

He flirted, I laughed, he touched me. It didn't feel like it did when your fingers were on me.

It was quick, sweaty. I didn't want to remember much more. He flirted again afterward, trying for another round, but I refused.

He wasn't who I wanted.

Not who I needed.

I decided after him that unless I met someone that made me feel like you did, I would be alone.

I was okay with that. I had Claire.

Now my body is alive again, on fire.

Some people think that because I dance around practically naked, I have sex a lot, with anyone. That isn't true.

I turn off that part of my brain. I feel sexy when men are ogling me, as I dance, but otherwise, I'm a mom. Unseen. Invisible. Unwanted.

I'm okay with that. Unless it's you looking.

Claire is happy before school, bouncing with anticipation. Rehearsing stories of you all through breakfast.

She can't wait.

I try to study once she's gone, but it's hopeless. All I think about is you.

I shower, dress, make sure I smell pretty and nice. For you. I want this to be perfect, if you really do show up.

I want to make it worth the wait, live up to all the memories we've both been living on for the past six years.

I wonder about you, if you've slept with lots of other women. Will I be able to tell? Will you have tricks and techniques and positions I've never heard of? Will it break my heart to know you must have learned them somewhere? From someone?

It's a little after nine in the morning and I sit down, trying to think of something to do to pass the time.

My buzzer goes off, and I hit the speaker button, wondering who is looking for me.

"Bella?" you say, uncertain and lustful.

"Come up."

Just like the last time, I wait for you, door open, arms aching.

And then you're here, smiling bashfully as you walk toward me.

"They sent me home. I suddenly wasn't feeling well."

I see the blush on your cheeks, your neck. I want to lick it off of you.

Once you're inside, the door closed, I help you take off your suit jacket, hanging it by the door. You grab your tie, starting to loosen it, but I stop you.

Oh no, that's mine.

I realize what I'm wearing, and that it's not what I'd planned. Leaving you alone, telling you to wait, I hurry to my room. The blue satin and lace nightie I picked out is laying across my bed, and I pull off my shirt, letting the cool, smooth fabric of the lingerie take it's place.

My jeans fall to the floor, baby pink cotton boy shorts inside of them. There's no need for panties, though I have them. In every color imaginable.

They're just one less thing for you to take off.

I know I could dress up, be a sex kitten if I wanted to, but none of that feels real. That's for work, where I'm someone else. This...this is real. True.

I want it to feel that way for us.

I've waited for so long to love you like this again, to have you in my hands. I want it to be right.

When I turn around, coming back to you, I see you. Standing in the door way, your chest heaving as you breathe in and out. Your eyes are on me, raking up and down my body. I can see the desire radiating off your body. Your hands clenched in fists as you try to hold back.

It's useless. I want you with the same fierceness. The same ache. The same yearning.

And instantly it's eight years ago, the first time I saw you. Instantly, I'm a 16 year old girl again, longing for her first crush. Instantly, I forget every moment I've spent away from you, every night I've cried for you.

You're here, with me. And you want me like I want you. We have all day, and I have no idea where to start.

Aside from the fact that I need to have my lips on you.

Now.

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**A/N: See you tomorrow! :)**

**See, now you're wishing you'd read that disclaimer at the beginning of the chapter, huh? The warning about sexual frustration and not getting any relief until tomorrow. :) I didn't write it for my own amusement. :D**

**Reviews are better than pulling on ties.**

**Leave one.**


	42. Chapter 42 Weight

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be fuming over the idiot girl working the cell phone place yesterday. Bullying my 16 year old son into buying a $150 phone and a $100 a month service when he JUST bought his first phone a month ago? Really? Not too bright, deary. I think she saw me fuming in the car... Oh well, he reminded her he's underage and she quickly changed her tune. We won't be going back there. :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. This is one big, long lemon. I always get flustered writing lemons. Not my favorite part of this job. :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. With my hubs are work ALL day, I'm hoping to get a little time with her today... :)**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. "Do I make you horny? Randy? Do I make you horny, baby, yeah, do I?" :D **

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. For those of you who read these, here's 2000+ words of lemony goodness for you. Now, in the words of Marvin Gaye... "Let's get it on." :D**

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… **Chapter Forty Two - Weight … Edward …**

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The way you look...in that blue shiny thing...your hard nipples making the fabric raise up...it's intoxicating. I could get drunk off just the way you look. I can't even imagine how I'll feel when I touch you...kiss you...taste you.

Your eyes lure me in, telling me it's okay that I want you this way.

Like a chain pulling us together, you step as I step. Again and again until my hands are on your hips, holding you against me.

My cock is so hard. I thought last night was bad. This is agony.

Just before I start, I need to be sure.

"Is this okay? Really? I won't do anything you don't want me to do."

Your smile is glorious, wanting.

"Please, take me, Edward. I'm yours already, and I've waited so long."

My lips are on yours, pushing, sucking, nibbling before our mouths fall open and our tongues begin to swirl. Dance together, just as our bodies are.

I feel you under my hands, the slippery material of your gown revealing the shape of what's underneath. You're just as perfect as I remember. My fingers bunch up the fabric, stretching it tight across your ass.

The need to taste your skin overwhelms me, and my mouth moves, trails hot kisses across your jaw, down your neck, to your shoulder. The bones there are so delicate, so strong. They've held so much weight on them in the past. I want to take that away for you. To make you feel light and unburdened.

The thin strap of your nightie lies across your shoulder, it's easily moved aside by my tongue. As it slips down your arm, the material moves and I can see the swell of your breast. Your nipple still hidden from me.

I know what it looks like, what it feels and tastes like. I saw it just the other night, but this...this is so much better. This is you, showing yourself to me, and just me.

When I watched you dance, it was you, but I could see a mask on your face. You kept the real you separate, hidden. I can imagine you do that every night while you work. The Bella with me now, there's nothing hidden. I see every emotion you're experiencing on your face, in your eyes, through your fingers. I love it.

Your hands hold my neck, my head. Your fingers twist and turn in my hair as you hum, moan. The sounds you make, alone, are enough to get me off. But I won't let that happen. Not when there's so much more of you for me to experience. For me to have.

"Baby, lay me down," you whisper, and I do. Pushing you back to your bed, watching you lie down before me. Your leg lifts up, placing one foot flat on the bed, while the other remains on the floor.

No panties.

Your pussy is glistening, bare, ready.

And I can't keep from diving in. Your hand holds my tie, pulling me toward you. The other hand touches my face, tracing my jaw, before sliding behind my neck. I'm both shocked and not surprised by your next action, as you spread your legs wider and push my waiting lips to your core.

You always loved that. And so did I.

The moan that pours from your mouth is my undoing, and I lick, suck, bite every piece of you. Your taste is exactly as I remember, but so much better.

You push against me, lifting your hips to meet my tongue, my fingers. I can feel you tightening, getting closer. I don't know how long it's been since you had this, but if it's been as long for you as for me, then I won't stop until I hear you screaming my name. Feel you dripping on my tongue.

Your body thrashes, twists and turns on the bed, and I place my hand flat across your stomach, holding you down as my tongue beings to flick your clit, holding it securely in my teeth and humming as I go.

It makes you wild, and your fingers tighten in my hair as your chest rises off the bed.

I'm thankful that the strap I lowered has fallen enough that your tit popped out, is standing where I can see it. The sight of your hardened peak makes me crazy, and I double my efforts, hearing you call my name over and over again.

My fingers feel you tighten ever so slightly as your juices increase. Your back's completely off the bed, and you're grasping at me, trying to find something to hold on to.

After a moment, you let out a deep breath, falling back onto the bed, and I crawl up your body, placing sloppy kisses all over your skin as I push up the nightie with my nose. It's pretty, but not nearly as pretty as your skin.

And I want to see it. Every bare inch of it.

When I lift you up, pulling the fabric from you, you look up at me. Your eyes wide open and overwhelmed.

"Oh Edward, I've missed you so much, baby."

A smirk plays across my face. "Show me."

I stand up next to the bed, slowly unbuttoning my shirt as you sit up, your hands moving to my tie. Loosening it, pulling it from my neck before you reach for my slacks. The belt is soon undone, followed by the button and zipper. My shirt falls to the floor as my pants pool around my feet. Your eyes are instantly drawn to my boxer briefs and the rather large bulge inside of them.

I feel your finger tips, tracing up and down the sides of my cock, outlining the shape, stopping at the tip where the material is now moist, wet from me wanting you.

Your pretty fingernails sneak between my skin and the elastic waistband, pulling down as your eyes glance up to meet mine.

I nod, running my hand over your head and assuring you. I want this.

Once my underwear is gone, down around my ankles, I kick them off to join my shirt and pants. I watch you, your fingers feeling me, sending sparks through my body. Your tongue peeks out to wet your lips, then farther as you take one long, slow lick up my hardness. In the space from base to tip, you completely consume me, leaving not one inch of me that could ever say no to you.

Warmth engulfs me as you take me into your mouth, your tongue swirling around me. Each vein, each ridge, each bump of my dick rejoices in the contact and the wetness. I watch you, bobbing up and down on me, making me feel things I haven't felt in years. Not since the last time we were together, if I'm being honest.

You move up and down, along my length, sucking and licking and humming. A few times I hit the back of your throat, almost losing it. But I hold back, I want more.

When you let go with a pop, licking your lips as you look up at me, I know it's time.

I bend to kiss you. Both of us taste ourselves on the other. A kiss has never tasted so good.

Not since the last time we were like this.

I gently lay you back, laying on top of you. I don't want to crush you, so I move to the side.

Your hands pull me back, grunting as you push me over you.

"What?" I breathlessly ask, only able to pause for a few milliseconds between kisses.

"I want you on me, I want to feel your weight pushing me into the bed, holding me down."

"I don't wanna hurt you, baby."

"You won't. Pin me down, Edward, or else I think I'll fly away."

The look in your eyes is my undoing, and I kiss you with all I have, with every piece of me. My hands are everywhere, touching every part, as your claw at my back, my sides, my arms.

Before long your legs shift, widen, and I feel your thighs wrap around my hips, your feet on my back.

My cock is so hard, so close, and with a push from you, my tip slides in. It's everything, feeling you around me like that, and I push forward, until I'm completely enveloped by you.

Once I'm in, I still, stop. We breathe, staring at each other with crazy, lust filled eyes. Just then, I see a tear slip down your face, and I stretch to kiss it away.

"Move in me," you whisper into my ear, and I do.

Slowly.

Lovingly.

Effortlessly.

My body knows you. Wants you. Needs you. It does this on it's own.

There's no thinking, no trying, no struggling. It just is. And it's perfect.

We move, together, and it's as though we were never apart. As though we've been doing this for years and years.

And oh, how I've missed it.

It was never like this with Leah. It was nothing near this with the other couple of girls I tried to date. Each of those were nervous, fumbling, awkward. But this...this is perfection and love personified.

It's everything.

I hear your breathes get faster, your chest heaving more as your voice begins to make more sounds. You're close, that much I remember about you.

My hand is on your breast, pulling and pinching your nipple between my fingers. I'm getting closer, I can feel it. My mouth stays glued to yours, kissing and nibbling your lips and tongue.

Letting go of your tit, my fingers gently slither down your stomach, feeling your skin pebble as they get closer and closer to where we're joined. My thumb knows the way, pushing deeper and finding your clit. With a few well placed circles, I feel you come undone again, melting under me and playing into my hands like the greatest symphony known to man.

My name falls from your lips, like a prayer, over and over again. I can't stop, and I feel myself tighten, coil, finally exploding inside of you. I push so deep, deeper than I have been in years, and your body welcomes me, stretches and moves for me.

I fill you with my cum, my love, my everything I have.

My life.

And you take it all, without question. Accepting me, wanting me, loving me.

As we lay on your bed, each of us breathing roughly, still unwilling to stop the kissing that seems so natural, I look into your eyes, seeing a flood of tears as they quietly stream down your face.

It startles me, scares me. Did I do something wrong? Was this not as perfect for you as it was for me?

"Bella?" I softly say, placing one more kiss on the corner of your mouth, then pushing the little hairs away from your face. The baby fine hairs that have been caught in the sweat we've worked up.

You shake your head, unable to speak.

"Bella, did I... Was it..."

Doubt suddenly darkens my soul, making me wonder if I did something wrong. If this wasn't to you all the things that it was to me.

Please, don't think this was a mistake.

"No, Edward...I just...I've missed you so much. And I've prayed for this day, so many times. And now that it's here, and you're here, and this is happening... I'm overwhelmed with the perfection of you. How can you possibly want me?"

Silly girl, I think, then say. "Don't you know what you do to me? How long I've dreamed of this moment? How much I want you, forever?"

Your eyes are questioning, scared. "Really?" you whisper.

"Really. You're my Bella, my love. Now and always."

You sigh, wrapping your arms around me, pulling me down onto you.

We fall asleep, me still inside of you, and never wanting to leave.

I'm finally home again, and I suddenly realize that this is the most perfect moment of my life.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: So? :D**

**Reviews are better than fingers slithering across pebbled skin. (Well, maybe not quite THAT good. :D )**

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	43. Chapter 43 Long Haul

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be laughing over my giddiness that a storm is coming! It might rain, people. I hardly ever does that here. :D Am I right, **_**djsmommy, Want2nach, TWIce as nice**_**, and **_**PlzFngMe**_**? :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. Seriously, it's windy. And cloudy. Just one of those could knock out our power for days! Taking with it my internet connection. Oh no...gotta post this quick. :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She went to the zoo today with **_**ttharman**_**. I hope they had fun... :)**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. **_**EBT**_** tells me when I curse too much, which honestly, if you knew us, you'd be dying laughing at that statement. :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. So, last chapter...I said it was Barry White that sang "Let's Get it On" and really it was Marvin Gaye. Sorry, I'm a dorky nerd. This is old news. :D I can't tell the different between Barry White and Marvin Gaye and Smokey Robinson and Stevie Wonder...oh wait, I know who Stevie Wonder is. :D I grew up on rock music, to the likes of Journey, Fleetwood Mac, Pat Benatar, Van Halen, Jimi Hendrix, those peoples. My dad's a rocker...it was kinda awesome. And I honestly can't even speculate the number of hours I spent as a child singing along to each and ever Journey cassette tape we had, which was all of them. It was a HUGE deal when they came out with a new album. Seriously, huge. I think the best gift I ever bought my dad was their greatest hits cd. He still listens to it, all the time. When not watching their concert video. And don't even get me started on their new singer. Please. If it ain't Steve Perry, it ain't right. Anyway, how about another lemon? Yes? Okie dokie...**

**(Yeah, I left this one too. It made me laugh at how big a dork I am. :D And I do know of Stevie Wonder. He sings "I Just Called To Say I Love You." I usually think that chorus in my head at least once a day. Weird... :D )  
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… **Chapter Forty Three - Long Haul … Bella …**

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My eyes open and I see that it's nearly noon. We've been sleeping for two hours. And I could easily fall back to sleep here in your arms.

Your hand is softly gliding up and down my side, my hip. I know you're awake.

I wonder for how long.

My eyes open and I see you, staring at me. Smiling.

"Hi."

I smile, and blink. "Hi," I say back. It doesn't sound like nearly enough, not for what we just did a few hours ago.

"You hungry? I thought I'd order in something. I don't want to get out of bed yet, and I don't want you out of bed, either."

I laugh, you're so sweet.

"Okay, I have a few take out menus in the kitchen, if you want. Unless you have something in mind."

We decide on Chinese food. I love it, the place nearby is amazing. I remember what good Chicken Lo Mein does to you, and I can't pass up the chance to hear you moaning like that.

Lucky for us, I have the number in my phone, on the nightstand, so we can stay in bed a little longer.

Someone will have to get the door when the food arrives, but we'll deal with that then.

"I wanted to talk to you," you say.

I should be worried. Most good conversations don't start out that way. But I'll wait, see what you say.

"I want to be together, for the long haul. Are you on board with that?"

I'm quiet, knowing I am, but not wanting to seem over eager about it. The whole play-hard-to-get thing coming through.

"Think about it, because once you give me an answer, we're moving forward with it. Whatever it is."

Your eyes watch me, carefully.

I smile. "Yes, I'm on board. I want you forever and ever, too."

Your smile mimics mine, and I'm happy.

"Okay, now as far as this whole living situation goes... Hear me out before you say anything, please?"

I nod. I'll listen. Doesn't mean I have to agree. I like where I live, though I know already that you have concerns. You wouldn't be you if you didn't.

"I live about five miles from here, not too far. And I have a three bedroom apartment. I was thinking, if you want, maybe you and Claire can come over to my place tonight. You can check it out, see what you think. There's more than enough room for all of us there, Bella."

I nod, letting your know I'm hearing you, considering this.

"I don't know if you have a lease or anything here, but we can figure that out. But, I want us to be together, like a real family. Claire could have her own room, and you and I can have our room. And there's an extra, for an office if you need to study, or toys if Claire needs it, or a baby or whatever."

Whoa, a baby? Did you just say what I think you said?

"Edward, you know how old I am, right? You want another baby with me?" I ask, honestly curious about your response. It's not out of the question. Not like I've gone through "the change" or anything yet. I guess it could happen.

"Well, I missed Claire when she was small, and I always thought I'd have children, not just a child. I want her to have siblings, baby. I want us to get to share our lives with lots of little ones. As many as we can have, or as you're willing to have. I promise to help the whole way through."

Your eyes are so hopeful, lit up with the possibilities of a large family.

You really don't see how old I am. How our age difference makes this kind of talk hard for me.

"And if we can't have them, maybe we could adopt or something, you know? I just want babies with you, Bella. I want children with you. I want us to have that experience together. I don't need an answer today, I just need to know that you'll think about it. That it's not completely out of the question."

I smile. "I'm thinking about it. Although, with as old as I am, we might have to have them soon, and close together in age. I hope you're okay with that."

The thousand watt smile on your face assures me that you are. And I'm happy.

"Now, your job."

I knew this was coming.

"Baby, you can't walk home from work anymore. No way, no how. It's not happening."

Huh, that's not quite what I was expecting, but okay. You're concerned about my safety, I get it. But you don't mind me working there?

"So, you're not gonna demand that I quit tomorrow?" I ask, needing to know.

If you ask me to, I will. If you tell me to, we've got a fight on our hands.

After living with him so long, being told what to do, I can't take it anymore. I won't live like that.

"Well, you said you have a plan, right? You're only working until the end of the year?"

"Yes," I say, wondering what you'll say next.

You keep surprising me over and over again.

"So, how about this. There's what, eight more months in the year? What if we half that. You work four more months and save every penny you make, put it toward school. I'm already paying for my apartment and utilities and everything, so if we live there together, that's all covered. And I make enough to take care of you, I'm not worried. But I know you want your own things, your own money, so you work through...August, then that's it. Sound okay? It's half, I'm trying to give us both what we want."

I smile. I can live with compromise. Nodding, I push my body against yours, showing you how much your words mean to me. You laugh, nuzzling my neck with your nose.

"Okay, I can do that."

Your sigh of relief makes me glad, peaceful.

"Oh, and please, if you care anything at all about my sanity and keeping me out of prison, no more private dances. At all. Because baby, if I knew you were alone in a room, naked, with some man watching you, or even clothed, but with some man touching you, I'd lose my mind. I'd end up killing someone, I think. And I really don't want to spend the rest of my life in prison."

I laugh. "You're too pretty for prison, baby. You'd end up someones bitch, and if you're gonna be that, I'd prefer you be mine...and service me whenever I want you to."

You nod, groaning as my hand wraps around your quickly hardening cock.

"Oh yeah, I'd much prefer that, too. I don't ever want to intimately know a big man named Bubba."

I laugh, giggle is more like it. You do this to me.

I haven't giggled so much in years. Not since I was last with you.

"Okay, no private dances, except when you come in. Then I'll get Felix to turn off the camera's and we can have some fun."

"Oh yeah?" you purr to me, your voice low and filled with sex and want. Greed.

"Mmm hmmm. Although, you may have a problem with Tanya. She wanted you the other night, told me if you chose the touch option, I was supposed to come get her so that she could join us. She was dying to get on your dick."

"Well, if Tanya wants to play, then she can watch, cause the only girl I'm fucking ever again is you. You got that?"

I sigh as you push me onto my back and bury yourself inside of me once again.

This time is faster, more desperate and needy, which I like. I love how reckless you are, how wild and out of control you become.

It's incredible. And knowing that I cause you to do that...amazing.

We both finish just as the door buzzer rings. With a smile and a quick kiss, you're off me, pulling on pants and running for the door.

I lay there wondering.

When should I tell you that I'm not on any birth control?

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: You knew that was coming. :D If you know me at all, you know I like babies. :) Also, at the beginning of the story, Bella was not on birth control because her hubs was fixed, it would have raised suspicions if she's suddenly gone on the pill. Now, she's not on anything because why? She wasn't having sex, no need for it. Could Edward use a condom? Sure, but neither of them have any (again, no sex in the past few years) and I don't think that's what was on Edward's mind at the moment. :)**

**Reviews are better than chicken chow mein. **

**Leave one.**


	44. Chapter 44 Growls

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be taking my son to the store. He needs to buy a shirt so he can ask some girl to Homecoming at school. I'm sure she's not a hussy... :(**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. After the lemons in the past two chapters...yeah, my brain's still a bit fried. :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. I'm hoping for zoo pictures tomorrow. We'll see...**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. "There's a port, on a Western bay and it serves, a hundred ships a day, lonely sailors, pass the time away, and talk about their homes..." I hope you know that one...**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. Though not this chapter. Well, not ALL of it. :D**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Forty Four - Growls … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

We're waiting for Claire, for the bus to drop her off. Down the street is a man with an ice cream cart. It's nice outside, I ask you what you want, then hurry to get your treat, and hers.

By the time I come back, the bus has gone, you're standing with another mom, Claire with another girl. She looks like she's upset, frustrated.

"I do so have a daddy," she growls.

You stand nearby, watching her, keeping things under control.

The little girl snarls back. "Well I don't see one. You're just lying, Claire. I've never seen your mommy with a daddy. You don't even have one."

"I do so!"

"Claire," your hand goes on her back, comforting our trembling little girl.

"Mom, Claire's lying. I never seen her with a daddy here," the girl says to her mother, who looks at you.

"You really shouldn't let your daughter say these things, Bella. Imagination is one thing, but encouraging her to spread outright lies is another."

"Lauren, you don't know what's going on. How do you know my daughter's lying?" you ask.

I see your shoulders push back. You're ready for this fight.

"Oh please, Bella. You think I don't know where you work? How you make a living? Everyone around here knows. My guess is that little Claire here is from a slip up on the job. Makes sense, why there's never any men around you."

That comment makes me feel good. The no other men part. No other suitors to fight off.

I've had enough, I'm done with this vile bitch and her demon spawn offspring.

"Claire Bear," I call, using the name you used for her. "I got you and Mommy some ice cream."

All eyes turn to me. I love it, walking over to you and kissing you hard on the mouth.

"You wanted the sundae cone, right, baby?" I ask, offering it to you. "And Powerpuff Girls for you, Claire?"

You both stare at me in awe. So do the horrible wenches you're standing near.

"Daddy!" she yells, dropping her bag and rushing into my waiting arms.

I hold her, swinging her back and forth. "Hi sweetheart, did you have a good day at school?"

"Lauren, this is Claire's father, Edward Cullen. If you'll excuse us, we're going to look at our new house today."

You grab Claire's bag and my hand, kissing me on the cheek, then the neck.

"Come on baby, let's go. We're done here," you say.

Walking back to your apartment, I catch one more glimpse of the troublesome two. Their mouths agape, shock all over their faces. They can't believe it.

I kiss your head, smiling down at you as I hold Claire close to me.

"Did you really mean that? You'd be okay moving in with me?" I ask. Were your words just for show? Or did you mean them?

"Yeah, I'm okay with it. Of course that means I'll have to quit my job that much sooner. Price of gas for commuting and all."

I smile, knowing the club is between our apartments. It's not that much farther.

But I'll take it.

I'll take anything you'll give me.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Do you have an ice cream truck that drives in your neighborhood? You buy stuff from it?**

**Reviews are better than a Drumstick cone from an ice cream truck.**

**Leave one.**


	45. Chapter 45 Happy

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be watching **_**Reba**_** with me and laughing at the silly boxing women. :D Barbara Jean was so funny on that show. :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I need more sleep. 4 hours is not enough.**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She says things like "Y'all" just to tease me. She knows how much I love that...**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. "Pretty woman, walking down the street, Pretty woman, the kind I like to meet, Pretty woman...I don't believe you, you're not the truth, No one could look as good as you...Mercy..." :D **

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. Moving on...**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Forty Five - Happy … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

_Nearly one month later..._

Mrs. Cope is sad to see us go, but we've promised to visit. She's the only grandma Claire's ever known.

She's coming for dinner tomorrow night.

Your apartment is huge, like three times the size of the one Claire and I have been in. She runs and runs, from room to room, up and down the hall.

She loves it.

She also loves the small patio and yard in the back, with grass and a tree, even.

You've promised her a swing, and she talks about it non stop.

A bike, too. She never had one before, it just wasn't feasible to carry up and down two flights of stairs.

I giggle when she starts talking about puppies.

You're so wrapped around her finger, I worry. She'll be spoiled soon enough.

But you love it.

Things aren't perfect between us, I know that. But you and I, we've both promised to try. And that this is it. There's no backing out.

Not ever.

As I unpack more of my books into the office, I can't believe it's been almost a month since you came back to me. Since you found me.

I agreed to work one more month, until Marcus can train the new girl. Heidi is sweet, but she's young. Naïve. She'll do fine, there are good people working there.

Mrs. Cope has babysat a few times, while you've taken me to work. Funny, it was always on my night off. And the only "work" I did was for you in a private room.

Felix laughed, he's never seen me so happy. He likes it, encourages it.

I threaten him that if he's secretly recording our "sessions" I'll give him up to Kate. He likes her. A lot. Too bad he doesn't realize she feels the same way.

We're getting to know each other again.

You and I.

You and Claire are like two peas in a pod. It warms my heart, seeing you together. You're perfectly matched. And she loves you.

I know you adore her, and I wonder how serious you were about other children. We talked about it before, but I'm starting to worry.

I'm six days late.

I mentioned the no birth control thing to you. I hadn't needed it, so why would I be on it?

You said to leave it in fate's hands. You'd be happy, content either way.

So I am.

And I'm late.

I think next week I'll buy a pregnancy test.

I haven't bought one of those since Claire...so long ago.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: For those of you worried, women have babies well into their 40's now days. Also, you can go to school while pregnant, with a baby, or with small children at home. There are options, things like night classes, online courses, weekend classes. Trust me, I did it, and so did lots of other girls that I went to school with. Several of my friends got married, pregnant, had babies, and then got pregnant again within the 3 or 4 years we were in school together. It's doable. Plus, with Edward there helping her, I don't think Bella's gonna have any problem. :)**

**The chapters from here on out are getting a bit longer, I think. Plus we're nearing the end. There's a very faint, dim light at the end of this dark and angsty tunnel. :)**

**Reviews are better than a new puppy.**

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	46. Chapter 46 Moments

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be enjoying the Ham and Swiss Cheese sandwiches that I make almost every day for lunch. I don't know why I love them so much, but dang, they're good. :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I had a nap, now I'm doing laundry. Always a million things going on around here. :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She's a hick. I like hicks... I need to play that song "Ticks" for her, too. It rhymes. :)**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. Someday we all need to go hang out in a strip club for a few hours, see if what we write about is really true. :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. And naughty, as shown in this chapter. :D**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Forty Six - Moments … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

The way you and Claire have blended into my life is amazing. It's like you were always here.

It's been a month since you moved in. Two months since I found you that night. We have our moments, our spats, tiffs, full blown fights. Every couple does.

It feels good to say that...couple. We're together, forever. No matter how angry you get, or frustrated I get, neither of us is going anywhere.

Plus the make up sex is out of this world. You bring me to my knees every time, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Claire loves us being together, a real family, she calls it. She has pictures hanging all over the house. Her, Mommy, Daddy, and the puppy she's almost talked me into buying her.

It'll be small, so it can't be that much trouble, can it?

Your last night of work is tonight, and the girls at the club have something special planned.

So do I.

Mrs. Cope is babysitting.

I drive you to work, insisting on the cheer leader outfit again. It's a favorite of mine. I want to see you strip it off just one more time.

For me.

After I drop off Claire, I go back to the club, finding your going away party in full swing, in the smaller VIP room. There's a great view of the stage, and every dance is dedicated to you.

The girls dance routines you danced.

You laugh and cry a little. I know you'll miss them, your friends here.

When you see me, you squeal, throwing your arms around me.

We dance, we touch, we drink. Well, I drink. You're working, you say. No alcohol while on the job.

You're such a stickler for rules. I wonder when that started. Or if you just broke them before because of me. I hope it's that, that it was because of me. That I was worth it.

It's wonderful, the time we spend here, and I'm the first to admit. I'll miss this place, too.

Like always, Tanya rubs against me. Mews and sighs each time she passes by.

I laugh it off, until finally, she whispers that once you two put on a show for some business men. In the private room. And she whispers things she did to you, you to her.

I'm curious. I'm hard. I wanna know if it's true.

Grabbing you by the waist, I pull you out, grumbling to Felix. He laughs, knows where we're going.

Room five, the farthest one from the party.

Music is on when we get there, and I pull you to me.

"Tanya said some things...that you two did in here for some business men? Is it true?"

My tongue licks up your neck as I wait for your answer.

You moan, hands grasping at my shirt.

"Maybe. Would you be mad if it was?" you ask, your voice breathy and low.

"No, not necessarily. When?"

You laugh a soft laugh. "A couple years ago. They paid us extra, I'd never done it before. Ahhhh, Edward," you sigh.

My mouth moves down your chest, fingers pull open your top. My teeth find your nipple.

"I wanted to see what it was like, a girl. What you felt when you were with me."

"And," I ask. "What did you think?"

Sucking your nipple deep into my mouth, savoring your taste.

"I liked it," you whisper.

I kiss back up your neck, to your lips. "Tanya wants to do it again, with you and me. What do you think?"

I know your answer. I'm not a fool. I just want to see you worked up.

Anger flashes in your eyes. You start to pull back, away from me.

"Tanya isn't getting anywhere near you. If you want to fuck her, Edward Cullen, you can just walk right out-"

I kiss you, stopping your tirade. You fight, but give in when my hands grasp your thigh, pull it high on my hip, opening you up to me.

"I'm only interested in fucking you. I wondered if maybe you wanted to play, if you enjoyed it, would miss it. I'm okay with watching you and her, as long as I'm the only one inside of you. And you're the only one touching me."

I see the glimmer in your eyes.

"Can we watch her dance while we fuck in this chair?" you ask.

"You want her to watch?"

Your mouth turns up in a smile.

"Let her see what she'll never have. I'm game, if you are."

I get Tanya. She's excited, thinking she's finally going to get me.

Instead, I tell her I want to watch, and I see her face fall.

"I'll pay you, don't worry. Now dance, my girl and I want some entertainment."

She starts to dance, removing clothing as she shimmies and bends, working the pole over.

She pales in comparison to you. It's not even a contest.

You writhe on my lap, both of us hot as she spreads her legs, her fingers teasing her wet lips.

You whisper dirty, naughty things in my ear. Things you would do to her if you were closer.

You're getting better at lying, I know you wouldn't touch her. Maybe someone else, but not Tanya.

Soon enough you're naked, straddling my bare hips. My cock is buried deep inside of you, and you're thrusting, moving over me.

I suck your tits into my mouth, taking turns, one and then the other.

I can't get enough of them.

Tanya keeps dancing, and we keep grinding, groaning. I know she can hear us, though she can only see shadows. The look on her face clearly says she's jealous.

You're so turned on, I can barely keep you contained.

As the song nears it's end, you start to move faster, erratic. Your thrusts are jerks and swirls.

You bounce harder, I push higher. Over your shoulder I see Tanya in the chair, her fingers thrusting in and out, keeping pace with us.

Just as the last lines of the song play, you start to call my name. It falls from you lips with such passion, such devotion. Anyone who can hear us knows this is more than sex.

This is love.

We've waited so long for this, and it's everything now.

To both of us.

We come down from our high, seeing that Tanya's left. As you re-dress, I pull you back to my lap.

There's something in my pocket that has your name on it.

Literally. Etched into it, next to mine.

I want to give it to you, to ask the question that goes with it, but I wait.

This isn't the right place. I need something better. Special.

Instead, I kiss you, soft and slow. Tender. Sacred.

You look at me, your eyes searching mine.

"Edward," you say quietly.

"Yeah?" I say, a smile growing quickly on my face. I'm so in love with you.

"I'm pregnant."

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE all of your stories about older women giving birth, moms going back to school, moms working while they have little ones at home. It's so inspiring, seeing how so many women have conquered not only having a family, but gaining an education and building a career, too. Girls kinda rock. :D**

**Men are great too, just saying. I mean, Rpattz is a man, so that fact alone... :D**

**Reviews are better than make up sex. (I know, that's insane to even think, 'cause make up sex is awesome! Especially angry make up sex. :D )**

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	47. Chapter 47 Everything

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be going with me tonight to watch teenage girls paint. Oh boy, that would be interesting. And for some reason I don't think they'd get a lot of painting done with him around... :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. Lucky for me I have **_**mnp968**_** to help me. She has eagle eyes, I'm telling you. :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. Did you see all the **_**Might Have Been**_** chapters she's posting today? Holy crap, she puts me to shame. Though she did point out, her chapters are shorter than my a/n's, so... :D**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. They're pretty. I like them lots and lots. :)**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. This chapter isn't. It's kinda sweet. :)**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Forty Seven - Everything … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

Just when I think your smile can't possibly get any bigger, it does.

By about five times.

"Really? You're sure?" you ask, your hand instinctively moving to my stomach.

"Yeah. I took a test and I saw a doctor last week. I'm most definitely pregnant."

"Baby, are you okay with this?" you ask, concern clear on your face.

Nodding, I assure you. "I'm perfect with this. It's you and me and it's just...it's everything. We both want this, right? You want this?"

"Oh yeah, so much." Your smile fades and your eyes get tears, like mine already are.

You kiss me, your mouth warm and soft and so, so sure. About everything.

I love that about you.

It's four days later and we haven't told Claire yet. I'm superstitious, I want to wait.

You're excited. I never knew you were genetically incapable of keeping a secret.

But maybe it's just this secret. I seem to remember a pretty big one a long time ago... You never broke that one.

We plan a lunch at the park, special time with Claire and the hot dog cart she loves so much. You bought her a necklace. It says "Big Sister" on it.

She's gonna flip.

The day is warm and you hold my hand through the park. Claire's running ahead, waving to a few children she knows.

The hot dog man is where he always is, and after you settle me at a picnic table, you're off buying our lunch.

You're caring, nervous, concerned about me all the time. It's so cute. And sweet. The smile from four days ago has yet to fade.

I think it will once I start puking.

It's nearly time to go home and you go get Claire, saying instead that you want to sit in the grass for a bit, watch the clouds in the sky.

I laugh at the shapes you and Claire can see. I don't see one of them. Except the giant bunny that she spots. Though it looks more like a bumble bee to me.

"You know what, Claire?" you say.

Here we go.

"What Daddy?"

"Your mommy and me wanted to tell you something."

"Is it that thing we talked about yesterday?"

Yesterday? I look at you, see blush creeping up your cheeks. No, you didn't... You promised you wouldn't... If you told her...

"No, honey, not that. It's something else." Your eyes meet mine. Panic.

What did you two talk about?

"Your mommy and me, we wanted to ask you something. What do you think about babies?"

She's thoughtful, pondering. "I like them. Max at school has a baby brother. He cries a lot, and he poops. It's gross."

"Well, babies do that," I say, laughing at her disgust.

"I think I like dollies better because they don't cry or poop. And you don't feed them."

You laugh. If only you knew...

"That's true. Well, today is a special day because me and mommy got a present for you."

You hold out the box, letting her take it, open it.

Her eyes light up. She touches the golden heart, noticing the flowers and vines etched into it. Then she sees the letters.

"Big si-sis-sis-ter."

It's a hard word and she's still learning.

"Yeah, big sister. What do you think that means?" you ask, smiling up at me.

Claire watches you, watches me. Her eyes grow big, then focus on my stomach.

"Am I gonna be a big sister?" she asks.

We both nod, smiling. Joyful.

"Is that okay? You think that sounds like fun?"

She looks to you. Nods her head furiously. "Yeah! Can I have a sister, 'cause I've always wanted a sister."

Her words cut through me, opening up old wounds that I've tried and tried to bandage. It never works.

She has a sister. She has three of them. Half sisters, but sisters just the same. She doesn't even know them, remember them. She's seen pictures, but she doesn't know who they are. I could never bring myself to tell her, answer the questions I knew she would have.

You look at me. You're thinking the same thing I am.

Claire's excitement stalls our thoughts, turns us back to her. Our world.

"Yeah, Claire Bear, I'm gonna have a baby and I'm gonna need your help all the time. You think that's okay?" I ask, hoping she'll be excited and realize how important her role is.

I remember telling Leah before Becca was born. She was so much younger, but had the same look in her eyes. The same questions. Concerns.

"Yeah, I like it," she says, then turns to you. "Daddy, can we show Mommy that thing from yesterday now? You said today."

The two of you share a look. I'm confused. This was all we had planned for today.

You smile, nodding to her as she squeals and giggles, clapping.

I watch as you stand up, clearing your throat.

Your hand is in your pocket, fishing, reaching. It appears with a small golden band, a sparkly diamond on it.

Holding it up, I watch your eyes crinkle, begin to gloss over with tears.

What are you doing, baby?

"Bella, I've been waiting over eight years to do this. And I never thought I'd get the chance. Now that I have it, I won't pass it up."

You're kneeling in front of me, Claire at your side. The two smiles I love most in front of me.

"You're everything to me. You and Claire are my life, and I love you more than I ever thought I could. Baby, will you marry me?"

I smile, shocked, nodding slightly before grabbing you, hugging you to me.

"Yes, I will. Of course I will."

Claire claps, jumps up and down as you push the ring on my finger. A perfect fit, like it was always meant to be there.

"See, I told you Mommy, Daddy's a prince, huh?"

Claire smiles, and I can't help but agree. You are a prince. You're my prince. And I've waited forever for you.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: And don't worry, Bella doesn't think Edward is just asking because she's pregnant. She knows it's because he wants her. She's a smart girl. :)**

**I have 2 gifts for you, in the next two chapters. How about a little Carlisle time? And then...maybe...a name. You know the one. You've been waiting for it. :)**

**Reviews are better than watching clouds.**

**Leave one.**


	48. Chapter 48 Questions

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be taking out my trash. Something does not smell good in there... :(**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. It's been a long day so far...I'm ready for bed. :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She's busy...kids home all week. It's okay...I'll wait. :)**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. ****Have you seen the commercials for this Shake Weight bar bell thingie? Seriously? You KNOW it was men that came up with this. You know they were sitting around saying, "My woman just can't pump me long enough, her muscles always give out. If only there was some way I could get her to strengthen her arm muscles so that she could shake her fist up and down for six minutes at a time..." :D Hello! The Shake Weight was born! :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. Welcome back to Daddy Carlisle! :D**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Forty Eight - Questions … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

"Let's get married soon, alright. I don't wanna wait anymore."

"Okay," you whisper.

Claire's excited about being in a wedding. We don't have the heart to tell her it's not like the fairy tale ones, even though it's our very own fairy tale coming true.

"Babe, you wanna do the justice of the peace thing? Or a minister, or what?" I ask.

I think I'm more excited for this wedding than you are. And that's hard to believe because you seem elated.

But here lies our newest conflict. You've done the wedding thing before. I haven't. You want it to be a big deal for me.

I just want it official, so I can call you mine forever. No questions asked.

You told me about your first wedding. It was small, just you, him, a preacher, and a few witnesses. His dad the only relative. Your parents didn't come.

I want more than that for you. This time. I want everything.

"Edward," you say, scratching your fingers through my hair, my eyelids drifting shut.

"Hmmm?"

"Let's do something special, for Claire. Let's go to a church and stuff, with our family." I look at you. "Do you think your parents would come?"

We haven't talked much about our families. We're focused on us. But it's got to come up sooner or later.

"I don't know, I could ask them. We'll have to tell them some time. I think it should be in person, you know? Maybe we could go there this weekend, talk to them. And maybe you could go see him, see your kids."

My heart stutters. You haven't seen them in so long, will it change your mind about me? About us?

Leah and Becca and Seth are old enough to be gone, away to college or on their own. But Kim and Alex, they're still young. They should still be home. Would they see you? Would he let them?

"Okay," you say, your voice shaking. "Edward? I need to see Leah, talk to her. She needs to know about us before we do this. It's only right."

"I know, I was thinking about that."

And I was. Trying to come up with a way to fix this. Well, to at least make it bearable. For all of us.

"What if I see her, talk to her. Maybe you could write her a letter, explain your side a bit. Maybe then she'll see you, if I smooth things over, explain what I did and why I did it. It wasn't your fault."

"It was my fault. All of it. But I wanna try that. And my parents." I rub my hand over your arm, your stomach. "I wanna see my parents. I want my parents at our wedding. They didn't come to the first one, but this one...I want them. Can we? Will you help me?" you ask. I can see the hope, prayer in your eyes.

I smile, trying to tell you everything you need to know. "Absolutely."

It's a long drive to our hometown. I haven't been back in months, you in years. Six years, to be exact.

My parents know I'm coming, they don't know about you. Just that I have news. I need to see my dad first, then my mom. Then you come in. And Claire.

I drop you and Claire at Alice's house. I don't want you there if things go badly. And with my mother, I have no idea what will happen.

Claire is excited to practice her big sister skills on Alice's two year old son. You and I are, too. He's quite a bit more sturdy than a newborn.

My parents are home, waiting for me.

My mother comes rushing out, arms open wide. Her eyes are on my car, obviously looking for someone. In her mind, there's only one reason I need to see them, to give them news.

"So?" she immediately says. No hello, I missed you, are you eating, you're hair's too long. Just "So?"

"Hi, Mom. You look good. And I'm fine, in case you're interested."

"Oh Edward, of course I am. I'm just so excited. It's not every day my son drives all the way home just to give me news."

"I know. Hey, is Dad here? I need to talk to him first, if you don't mind."

I'm talking to him first whether she minds or not, I'm just being nice.

"Sure he's in his study. You go chat while I finish lunch. Oh Edward, this is so exciting, I'm so happy to see you!"

She rushes off, leaving me with my thoughts.

I don't know what to say to him.

My time has run out, and I enter the office, closing the door behind me.

"Dad."

"Edward! I'm so glad to see you, come in, come in."

He smiles. I don't. He can tell something's not right.

"Edward? What is it?"

I swallow, willing back the vomit that's rising in my stomach.

"Did you really sleep with Bella? The reverend's wife?"

My question stuns him, I can tell by his reaction.

"Oh, um...why are you asking me that?"

"Just tell me, did you? Did you father her child?"

He shifts uncomfortably in his chair. He doesn't want to talk about this. We have to.

"Edward, I'm not sure where this is-"

"Did you sleep with her?" I demand, my voice loud and full of rage. "Yes or no?"

His eyes close, his head drops. He knows I know.

"No, I didn't."

"Why did you tell me you did? Why did you tell me you fathered her baby?"

He looks up, his eyes full of fire, determination.

"I was protecting you. What did you think you were doing, son? You can't just go around sleeping with middle aged women. Mother's at that! Didn't you have any idea what was going to happen? You could have gotten both her and Leah pregnant, did you ever stop to think of that?"

Protecting me? He told me that lie to protect me? From what?

"Why? What were you protecting me from, Dad? I loved her. I felt bad for what I did to Leah, but I loved Bella. I don't care about the age difference. There's almost ten years difference between you and mom, and you don't care."

It's true. My father taught me that age didn't matter, what mattered was the person, their soul, spirit. That was the most important thing.

"You were so young, Edward. I just didn't want to see you throw your life away for a mistake."

I know he feels bad, but I don't care.

"She wasn't a mistake, Dad. My only mistake was not being open about my feelings, trying to hide them and make everyone else happy."

We sit, staring, fuming, attempting to understand.

Finally.

"Do you love her still? Is that what this visit is about?" he asks.

I nod. "I do, I love her. And Claire. They're my whole life now. I want you to be a part of that, if you can."

"Edward, I just don't know. I don't know if I can ever be okay with you being with a woman so much older than you. I just... All the rumors back then, what people will say now... You've chosen a hard road, if she's who you want."

"I didn't choose this, Dad. It chose me. And it chose her. We can't help it, I love her. And I love my daughter. And we're getting married soon. We'd like you and Mom to be there."

He nods, trying to come to terms with this. For me. My sake. He knows, can see in my eyes, if I have to choose, it won't be him.

He's a father, in love with a woman. He understands.

"Dad, Bella's pregnant. We're having another baby."

From behind I hear the sound of metal and glass crashing to the floor, followed by the shrieking of my mother.

"What did you say?" she screams "Bella? The reverend's wife, Bella? And that illegitimate child of hers?"

Oh fuck, I didn't mean for her to find out like this. I should have known. Old bitties.

"Yes, mother. That's my news. Bella's child is my child, and I love her. We're getting married. And we're having another baby. What do you think of that, Grandma?"

I know it will set her off, but I say it anyway. The red she's turning kind of makes me laugh, until it turns to purple, and then blue.

She falls to the floor, passed out.

Obviously this isn't going to be as easy as I'd hoped.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Random question. Foster the People...have you seen this band? Dang, that drummer is a hottie! :D And I love how MTV edits out "gun" and "bullet" yet they let the Jersey Shore kids say every curse word in the book. Really? Hello screwed up society. :D**

**So, next you're finally gonna find out who the Reverend is. :D A lot of you've been speculating all along. I hope you're not too let down... :D **

**Reviews are better than mom's asking if you're eating enough.**

**Leave one.**


	49. Chapter 49 Invitation

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be cuddled up under a blanket with me on my couch, watching the clouds outside, the palm trees swaying in the wind, listening to the kids cry that it's so cold outside, they need jackets. (It's 70 degrees, which is 35 degrees cooler than it was the other day. :D ) He's a cuddler, that man. :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I'm trying to get comfortable enough to proof read this one more time. My hip is still killing me and after standing all afternoon, it's angry... :(**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She fangirls over me, just to make me feel good. And I do. :) See how much she loves me? :)**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. ****"All I can say is that my life is pretty plain, I like watching the puddles gather rain. And all I can do is just pour some tea for two, and speak my point of view, but it's not sane. It's not sane. I just want someone to say to me, I'll always be there when you wake. You know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today, so stay with me and I'll have it made. And I don't understand why I sleep all day, and I start to complain that there's no rain. And all I can do is read a book to stay awake, and it rips my life away but it's a great escape...escape...escape...escape..." Holy crap, this song is SO my life, and not just the video, which features the original Bee Girl. :D I love it. Oh, and I played it at my wedding reception. :D Random fact for the win! :D **

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. Little clarification, since not everyone seems to remember. :) Carlisle told EDWARD that he slept with Bella. He told ESME that the rumors were a lie, which they were. Esme knows NOTHING about Edward being with Bella. Carlisle never told her. The first she heard of it was last chapter. She is NOT as bad as the old bitties (yes, I know the spelling is not normal, it's on purpose, we discussed this previously) and she does know who Bella is. She knows what she heard, that Bella slept around and had a child with another man. She had NO idea who that man was. We all good now? Okay, Heeeeeeeeere's Alice! :D**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Forty Nine - Invitation … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

The visit with Alice is good, fun. Just as we really start to get into town gossip, you call.

"Baby, my mom passed out. She overheard me and my dad talking and she knows about us, but she passed out. She hit her head, so we're taking her to the emergency room. I just didn't want you to worry."

Oh wonderful, am I going to get blamed for this, too? I'm sure in her mind, I'm the devil, and I can't say I would argue with her about that. I did corrupt and take advantage of her teenage son, though he as all too willing and aggressive at the time.

"Alright, call me when you're done?" I ask.

"I will. I love you, have fun with Alice."

We talk, make cookies, watch the kids play. Finally she pulls out an envelope.

"I'm supposed to send this to you, but I knew you were coming today, so I kept it. I don't know what it says, but I'm pretty sure what it's about."

I look at the large, creamy colored envelope, a design embossed into the stiff paper.

There is no name, no address. Nothing to hint who it's for.

But I know.

I open it, pulling out an invitation and a photograph. The picture is my Leah, and a very handsome man. She looks so beautiful, happy. My eyes start to water. I look at the paper.

_Rev. and Mrs. Jacob and Emily Black are pleased to announce the marriage of their daughter,_

_Leah Renee _

_to_

_Mr. Paul Wolverton_

_on Saturday, June 25__th__, 2011 at 5:00 pm _

_South Central Church of Mother Mary_

_Your presence is requested at a reception to be held in their honor at the _

_Blustery Pines Resort Ballroom that evening from 7:00-10:00 pm_

My Leah is getting married, and I have no part in it.

The air in my lungs rushes out, and I can't move. Can't breath. The day I'd dreamed of for her was near, and I have nothing to do with it. Not even a mention on her announcement. She has a new mother now, one only a few years older than her.

My anger flares. How dare Jacob do this to me. I'm her mother, regardless of what has happened in the past. And out of a sense of duty to her and her siblings, I left them in the hands of a father who convinced them I didn't want them.

I knew there was never any way I could have fought for them, but I didn't even try. I just rolled over and gave Jacob what he wanted. Again. Just like I'd done my whole life, since the first day he smiled at me.

Looking at Alice, she can see the resolve in my face.

"Here are my car keys. I think Leah's home this weekend, I saw her yesterday, when she dropped this off. I'll keep Claire, you go see her."

Hugging Alice, I run out the door

I don't know what I'm going to say to her. You and I, we're planning to talk to her next week, but this is now, and she's here, and she needs to know my side of the story.

Whether she wants to or not.

Whether he wants her to or not.

The house looks different, but the same. It belongs to the church, so he can't change it too much, but still, the color is different. My flower gardens are gone, just dry patches of dirt now.

There are cars in the driveway, I don't know whose they are.

I don't care.

I want to see my family, and I'm not going to hold back anymore.

I walk to the door, determined, strong. Pounding on the wood, hearing it echo inside through the house.

It's so familiar, it takes me back to all the years I spent answering this door. All the pain, loneliness, anger that went with that.

A man answers, the man from the picture.

"Can I help you?" he asks, looking at me like he recognizes me, but can't tell from where.

"Is Leah here?"

"Yeah, can I tell her who's asking?"

He's nice. I don't want to be angry with him, but my feelings, emotions. I almost can't help the growl that comes from my throat.

"Her mother."

His eyes widen. He's frozen for a moment, then steps out onto the porch with me. The screen door closes.

"She's been hoping to speak to you. Thank you for coming. She's napping, let me wake her up, okay? Please don't leave, she really does want to see you."

He's so sincere, truthful. I almost believe him. But it's hard.

"Okay."

I sit on the swing, he goes back inside. I hear him treading up the stairs, toward the bedrooms.

I know this house. It was mine for so long.

The door opens sooner than I'm ready and before me stands a younger woman, heavily pregnant, in stained clothes and a tired face.

"Who are you?" she asks, rudeness in her tone.

"Bella. I'm here to see Leah."

"Bella?" Her eyes grow three sizes bigger. "What are you doing here? You can't be here, there's a court order. You need to leave."

I'm not an idiot. There's no court order, there was never a need for one. She just wants me gone.

"I'm not here to see you, though if your life is anything like mine was, I'm sure you could use someone coming to visit just you for a change. I'm here to see my daughter, and until I do, I'm not going anywhere."

I stay seated on the swing, my arms folded across my chest.

The woman, who I'm assuming is Emily, the new Mrs. Reverend Black, storms back into the house. I wonder about the pregnant part. Interesting, since my ex-husband had a vasectomy after our last child.

Just as I start to smile at myself, the screen door squeaks open again. My eyes glance up.

My Leah.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Most of you thought it was Jacob, but there were some other really great ideas. Early on, several people thought the Reverend might be Carlisle. That was an amusing idea. I almost wanted to change my mind. :D The reason that his name has not been stated before it to show how little significance he had on Bella's life. He was her husband, but that was it. More about their relationship will come out as we go along, so you'll get a better idea of their relationship and what led Bella to commit adultery with Edward. I intentionally had Bella and Edward always think of Jacob as He, Him, or His to show that he really meant nothing to them. And for Edward, it was more about the fact that Edward hates him and thinks he's scum. He thinks so little of him that he doesn't even grant him the courtesy of acknowledging his name. :)**

**Reviews are better than seeing the girl your ex replaced you with, and realizing how much hotter and over all better you are than she is. That is a pretty great feeling... :D**

**Leave one.**


	50. Chapter 50 Round

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be eating Pina Colada Yoplait yogurt with me for breakfast. I love that stuff...all the pineapple and coconut. :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. Everything is my fault, according to my kids & hubs, so why should fan fic be any different? :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She likes frozen Kit Kat bars. Well, I guess we all need to have at least one fault. I'm just glad I finally found one for her. :D It could be worse, she could like peanut butter cookies... Ewwww. :D**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. I'm a lucky, lucky girl. :)**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. You've heard me say it 49 other times so far. I think you'll heard it about 10 more. :)**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Fifty - Round … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

I'm sitting next to my father, both of us silent. Hospitals are funny places. No one ever truly feels comfortable in them.

Not even my father, a retired Army surgeon of over 25 years.

He was older when he met my mom, his early 30's. He was a lifer, a career Army doctor. He never even considered another lifestyle until my mother walked into his operating room.

His unit was helping out in local hospitals. She was a nurse. They were instant, from their first breaths in the same room.

They were together.

I only hope that he will understand it was like that for me, the first time I saw you all those years ago.

"Mr. Cullen, your wife is going to be fine. She's awake, asking for you. We're going to keep her over night for observation."

The portly man walks back toward the triage area, leaving us alone.

Neither of us seem anxious to see her, answer the questions she will surely have.

"We can't put this off forever, Dad. And besides, I was really hoping that you would want to meet Claire today, even if you can't get past me and Bella."

He sighs, rubs his hand over is face. Just like I always do.

"I would like that. I think it will just take a little time, son. This seems to be coming out of the blue, so forgive your mother and I if we don't welcome Bella back with open arms. Remember, she's the woman who, in our eyes, defiled our teenage son."

I huff, "Dad, it wasn't like that. Not at all. I pursued her, not the other way around."

"Yes, but she was an adult, she knew better. She was a married woman, Edward. You were dating her daughter, for heaven sake. What were you thinking?"

Round and round, I know it will be this way for a long time. Not until they truly understand us, until they can see us with their own eyes, will they ever get it.

"Dad, I love her. From the moment I saw her, just like it was with you and mom. I've heard the story a thousand times."

"The difference is that we were both adults, and single, Edward. I think you and Bella's story is missing those key factors."

"True," I admit. "But neither of us is married now. And we're both adults. Regardless of what happened seven or eight years ago, can you just take us for what we are today? And please...can you please accept my daughter? She didn't do anything wrong and she doesn't deserve to pay for me and Bella's choices. Please, Dad."

He's silent, thinking. I know he'll give in. As soon as he meets her, if not before.

"Of course, of course we will. Listen, I'm gonna go in with your mother, explain things. I assume Bella and Claire are here with you?"

"Yeah, they're at her friend's house. I dropped them off before I came to see you."

He sighs. "Go pick them up. Bring them to the house tonight, I'll order dinner. I think it's good that your mother will be here overnight, she can adjust to your news. I'll tell her what's going on. Will you still be in town tomorrow?"

I nod. We're staying the weekend. Claire's rather excited about the indoor pool at the hotel.

"Bring them over tomorrow around lunch. I'll make sure your mother's home. And civil, at the least."

"Thank you, Dad."

I leave him, anxious to get back to you. Curious how your day's gone.

I notice Alice's car missing when I pull up. But then to find her in the house, I'm suddenly nervous.

"Where's Bella?" I ask, seeing Claire on the living room floor, watching cartoons.

Alice fidgets, looks everywhere but at me.

"Alice?"

"I, uh, I gave her Leah's wedding announcement. She kinda freaked a little bit, but then she was like, totally calm and she left."

Panic. Where are you?

"Where?"

"She went to see Leah."

Shit! You were supposed to wait, we're going there next week. We have a plan.

"Watch Claire?" I say as I'm rushing out the door.

I only hope everything isn't completely ruined yet.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Oh golly...we get the Bella & Leah conversation next. Hope you're ready. :)**

**Reviews are better than portly doctors.**

**Leave one.**


	51. Chapter 51 Confirmation

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be excited about tonight 'cause both my boys will be gone on camp outs. :D My house will be so quiet, and girlie. Poor hubs... :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. My headache is in full effect, let's just hope the medicine I took makes it go away. :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She makes me feel better when RL gets crappy. I love her for that, among a million other reasons. :)**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. ****Someday... :)**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. You're not reading this part anyway, are you? You're too excited to see what's gonna happen between Bella and Leah, huh? So if I said that I was moving to Hawaii with Rpattz and that I was pregnant with triplets and that I really was Kristen Stewart, you wouldn't even notice, would you? :D I didn't think so... :D**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Fifty One - Confirmation … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

"Mom?" Leah says, stepping out onto the porch. She's so pretty. Prettier than she was back then.

I don't know why you chose me when you could have had her. She's the best parts of me, and so much less complicated for you.

But you've chosen, and I know you're happy. I am, too. I won't ever question you, I'll just be grateful.

"Hi Leah," I say. I hear the nervousness in my voice. I wonder if she does.

"It's really you, you're really here. Mom, I didn't think..."

She steps closer, like if she moves too fast she'll startle me, scare me away.

"I got your announcement from Alice, she said you were here."

"I just dropped that off yesterday. She said she'd mail it for me. I didn't know where you were, so..."

I smile, hoping to ease her discomfort. She's nervous, hesitant. I pat the bench next to me, hoping she'll sit. Come closer.

"Well, she knew I was coming here this weekend, so she saved it. It's beautiful, you and Paul look very happy."

She relaxes, walks to me, sitting down. "We are. He's wonderful, the most amazing man I've ever met. I really feel like he's my soul mate, you know? My other half that I just hadn't found yet."

I hope she really believes that. I wonder sometimes how she thinks of you. If she remembers you as her first love, her first heart break, just some guy, her friend. I don't know. It haunts me.

That's something a mother should know.

Smiling, I nod. "I know that feeling."

"Do you?" she asks. She's curious, I can tell, glancing down at my hand. Seeing your ring.

"Yes, I do. You'd be surprised."

We smile, sit in silence, discomfort from not knowing each other anymore. I hate it. I deserve it.

"I'm sorry I never looked you up, Mom. I wanted to, but...I really didn't like you for a long time."

I sigh. "I know, honey. It's okay, I don't blame you."

She huffs. "I was just so angry, you know? You just left. I mean, how could do that to Daddy? How could you be with other men and then just leave us all here? You never even called or checked on us. Why not? Was he right? Did you just not love us anymore?"

I take her face in my hands, my heart breaking over her trembling lips and watery eyes.

"No, baby, no. That's not it at all. Leah, believe me, I've thought about you so much. I had to make myself stop because if I let myself think about you and your brothers and sisters, all I would do was sit in my bed and cry. I ached for you, Leah. I wanted to be here, to come and take you all away with me, but I couldn't. Your father...I knew he was a good dad, he'd be good to you, but he would have fought me. And I didn't have a good job or money for a lawyer. I barely got by as it was. I never would have won, and when my divorce lawyer asked about visitation, your dad said he'd want child support from me. I couldn't pay that, and he knew it. He said if the court ordered it and I couldn't pay it, I'd go to prison, and then what would happen to Claire? He didn't want her, he said he'd turn her over to the state. I didn't have a choice, Leah. I'm so sorry."

Tears run down both our faces. Our lives are so messed up, our pasts completely sad and tortured.

"He said that?" she asks.

I nod, not knowing if she'll believe me. But it's true. You know it is, I told you.

"I wondered. I mean, other kids parents were divorced, they did child support and alimony, stuff like that. But I knew Daddy didn't. I paid the bills, I saw the books and the money. He never sent anything to you."

"It's okay, I didn't ask for anything. I just wanted you kids to be okay, and I didn't want to hurt you anymore. What I did...it was wrong and horrible. I can't..."

I'm crying, my hands in my lap. Head bowed as tears stream down, dropping on my shirt.

"Mom, it's okay. I don't care about that anymore. I just want you back, I want you to come to my wedding. I always dreamed of having you there. It should be you, not Emily. I don't care what Dad says. She's not my mother."

I grin, happy that she wants me. Knowing that she won't after I tell her what I have to tell her.

It's bittersweet.

"That was her?" I ask, motioning toward the house.

"Yeah."

"So, she's pregnant?" I ask. I have to know. "How did that happen?"

"Oh, Daddy got the vasectomy reversed after they got married. It's taken this long for her to finally get pregnant. She wanted her own kids, not just Daddy's ready made family that she walked into."

I frown, hoping that she was at least good to my children,

"She was nice, we just weren't all she wanted. She thinks having a baby of her own will make her life complete," she says. Air quotes and all.

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"It's fine. Dad's happy, that's what matters."

I straighten my back, gathering my strength.

"Leah, I need to tell you some things. And after I do, you probably won't want to see me anymore. If you tell me to leave, I'll go away and I'll never bother you again. I promise. But please, hear me out. Give me the chance to plead my case, to explain things. That's all I ask."

She nods. She has no idea what I'm about to do to her.

I feel sick, my stomach knotting. But I have to do this.

"I was 16 when I met your dad. He was handsome and funny and smart. He was so sweet to me, all the girls were just gaa-gaa over him, but he picked me. I felt special, loved. I thought I loved him, I was so young. He was in college, doing an internship at the church here, studying, learning about it. He seemed wonderful, and I was happy. Around Christmas time, he asked me to sleep with him. He wanted to, I'd done it a couple times before, but he said he loved me and that he'd always take care of me. He wanted to marry me, so I figured why not?"

I pause, looking down at my lap. How was I so foolish? Careless? I could never regret Leah, but why had I given in to him so easily? I just let him take control, make the decisions.

"By Valentine's Day I knew I was pregnant with you. I told my mother and she wanted to send me to Texas, to live with an aunt there. She and my dad wanted me to give you away and never see your dad again. I couldn't do that, I wanted you so much. Your dad said he'd marry me and we could be happy. He did, in a little service, with only his dad there to witness it. My parents didn't talk to me again, they wanted more for me. I haven't seen or heard from them since, and they only live a few miles away."

Leah is watching me, concern clear on her face. She's never heard the real story before, just edited versions of it. Today, I can't hold back. She needs to know.

All of it.

"By the time you were a year old, I was pregnant with Becca, then a year after her, Seth. Your dad was busy, always working. A different convention, or speaking engagement, a training meeting. Something always happening. He traveled a lot. Was rarely home. Soon, he didn't even pay attention to me. It was like I worked for him or something. I tried everything I could think of. Cooking his favorite meals, fixing my hair, pretty lingerie, booking nights away at local bed and breakfast's. Nothing worked, he just seemed to not notice me at all. After a few years, I gave up. I just took what I could get, which was a weekly fuck and a peck on the cheek every now and then. I busied myself with you kids and charity things for the church. I was known as the Reverend's Wife, but I can't even tell you if anyone knew my first name. I had no friends, no family, not even a husband to talk to. By the time you were 16, I'd just accepted that that's what my life would be. I never knew there was more than that. But there was."

"Mom, I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

I smile. "I know you didn't. I tried to hide it, as best I could. You were just children, it wasn't anything to concern you with."

"But Mom, when I was a teenager, you could have told me."

"Leah, you were involved in your own life. You didn't need to worry about mine."

I let out a deep breath, not wanting to tell her what comes next. Knowing I have no choice.

I did this, I made this decision. I have to suffer the consequences.

"I met someone. I wasn't looking, or trying, but out of no where, there he was. And he was perfect and inspired and everything I never knew I was missing. But it was wrong and I couldn't let myself see him. Eventually, I just got so tired of who I'd become, so sad at the idea of never being anything more than what I was. The feeling he gave me was too good, too much. I couldn't stop. I craved it, I needed it like a drug. With him, my life seemed brighter, like it was a possibility. Like I might actually have a chance to live. He understood me, he listened to me, he made me laugh, he loved me. I didn't know what I'd done to deserve him, but he was there, and no matter how much I tried to fight it, it's like we were drawn together."

I'm wiping tears away from my cheeks, sniffling as I talk about you. You were too good for me, then and now. I'm still in awe of you.

"He was the one person I couldn't have. I fought it so hard because I knew being with him would lead to so much pain, heartache. But I couldn't stop."

"Mom, you deserve to be happy. Daddy didn't leave you much choice."

"But at what cost, Leah? What sacrifice is worth love? You and your brothers and sisters? Are you worth it? Because that's what I lost, and I still didn't get to keep him."

Leah's crying, almost as hard as I am. Her hands hold mine. I wonder for how much longer. How fast will she retract her caring, her concern, once she knows the whole truth?

"I'm sorry about Mr. Cullen, Mom. I'm sorry he wasn't willing to give everything up for you."

Our eyes meet, stare. I have to tell her.

"It wasn't Mr. Cullen, Leah."

Confusion crosses her face. "But Edward said it was his dad. His dad told him, that's why Claire looked so much like him."

"It wasn't Edward's dad." My words are soft, quiet, deadly.

"But Claire, she looked so much like him, like Edward. If not Mr. Cullen, then who? I know all those rumors, other men, weren't true, so who?"

I can't say it. I've come all this way, said all these things, and the one thing that's most important... I can't say it.

I can't tell my daughter what I did.

I can't tell her that every time she suspected you of being with someone else, she was right.

I can't tell her that the boy she wanted to spend her life with was dreaming about spending his with me.

I can't tell her that I wasn't sad over her pulling away, I was sad over losing you.

I can't tell her all the things we did together.

I can't. And that leaves us here, in this silence. In this stalemate. In this sentence, this death sentence.

She'll hate me. So much. I'll lose her all over again.

But I'll still have you, right? Please?

"Mom? Who?"

My eyes close. "Leah, I'm so sorry." It's a whisper, nothing more

"Mom?"

There's a sound in the distance, a car coming closer. I can't look up, I can't open my eyes, but I know it's you. I know your car's engine. I wait for it every afternoon, anxious to hear it, for it to bring you home to me.

You stop on the side of the street, the door slamming shut as you run to us. My eyes open, searching for you, seeing Leah still looking at me.

"Bella?" you yell, running toward me, us.

I can tell instantly when Leah realizes it's your voice. Her hands tighten on mine. Her head turns. I can almost hear her heartbeat increase.

"Bella." Relief as your eyes find mine, then panic as you take in the scene before you.

"Edward?" Leah asks. Still confused, even more so now. "What are you..."

She turns back to me.

"Mom? Why is Edward here?"

I can see the wheels turning in her mind, her eyes an open window to her thoughts, her soul.

She looks back at you, back at me, her mouth falling open. Back at you.

"Edward? Mom, you're not...oh please, it's not...Mom..."

"Leah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

She's up, off the swing and away from me.

"Edward? Did you...you and..."

Her hands point, then cover her mouth, her throat, her stomach.

"Mom, you and Edward? He's the one...the one that you..."

Words won't come out, my sobs taking over.

I only nod. Confirmation.

She'll hate me now. It's done, over. I've ruined everything.

Looking up I see you looking at me, only me.

Was this worth it?

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Kinda feel sad for Leah and Bella both, right?**

**Reviews are better than failed attempts with lingerie.**

**Leave one.**


	52. Chapter 52 Worth

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be very impressed with me. I got free bathsoap at the store with my coupons. Yay!**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. Plus this is long...again. I mean, you can't expect me to get ALL of them, right? :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. I saw an Edward Halloween card at the store, it made me think of her. :D**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. ****I'm sure they have exciting weekend's planned. Mine includes grocery shopping and yelling at kids. Yay! :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. Alright, so a lot of you figured out, I'm not Kstew. Because the world isn't fair like that. :D**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Fifty Two - Worth … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

"Edward's Claire's father?" she asks you, sadness, anger, shock, hurt all clear in her voice.

You nod, again. Still crying. I want to put my arms around you, tell you things will be okay.

I don't know if they will.

I don't think they will.

The look in your eyes, I feel like you've finally realized I'm not worth this. All this pain, hurt, sadness.

I'm not worth losing your family.

"Edward?" Leah screams at me. "How could you do this? My mother? You slept with my mother?"

She's walking toward me, wildness in her eyes. I think she may hit me. I wouldn't blame her.

"I'm gonna be sick," she says, rushing past me to the yard.

She bends over, vomiting into the grass. She's beyond consoling at this point, but I'm not drawn to her, anyway. I'm drawn to you.

The screen door opens and Paul is out, down the steps, across the yard to Leah.

"Leah? Honey, what's wrong? What's going on?"

He looks at you, then me.

"Edward? What are you doing here?" he asks.

We've met. He's a good guy.

He'll hate me for what I did to Leah. I don't blame him. He loves her enough to hate anyone that hurts her.

"I'm sorry, I..."

"I don't believe this. You came here to tell me this now?" Leah's screaming again, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "After all this time, weeks before my wedding, you tell me this? What is wrong with you? What kind of mother are you? And you," she looks to me. "You were my best friend, my boyfriend. How could you do this to me? To us? I can't even..."

She turns, sobbing, walking toward the road and starting down the sidewalk.

Paul looks at me. "What's going on here? Tell me."

I look back at you, wondering what to do, what to say.

Slowly, you stand, leaving the porch and coming to my side. "Go talk to her, explain. Help her, Edward. She won't listen to me, I don't blame her. But you, you know her. Please, help her."

I love that about you, that even though you're hurting, breaking apart inside, you want me to help Leah.

You're worth every ounce of sadness and hurt I go through. I just hope you feel the same way.

I kiss your forehead, tell Paul that I'll talk to Leah, then leave you two standing in the yard, a puzzled look on his face.

He's a good guy. He doesn't deserve to be taking on something this fucked up.

It's surprising how far down the street a crying, frantic woman can get in so short a time.

I run, flat out sprint, to catch her.

"Leah!" I yell. She runs faster.

I know there's a park ahead. If I can catch her, take her there, I can sit her down. Make her listen.

Try to explain.

Try to block out the memories of moments we spent together in that park...

"Edward, stay away from me!" she screams, shrieks. Her hands pull at her hair, tears flowing down her face.

My hand wraps around her arm, pulling her to a stop.

"Leah, listen to me. Give me a chance, please. Just hear me out and then I'll leave you alone. I won't bother you again, I swear."

She struggles, pulls away, but I hold firm. Tight. I owe her an explanation.

I owe her so much more than that.

She crumbles, her eyes sad and piercing into mine. "Why?" she whispers.

Taking her in my arms, she cries into my chest, her knees not doing the best job of holding her up.

After a few minutes I guide her toward a bench, hoping she'll sit with me. Listen. Hear me out.

"There's a lot to say, and it's not easy. I just want to tell you what happened, all of it. Every bit, from start to finish. I don't want to lie to you anymore. And I promise to leave you alone forever when I'm done, if that's what you want."

She's too weak, too broken to put up a fight. She just mumbles, keeps crying.

I really screwed things up.

"When my family moved here, I was 17. You remember that. I met you at school that spring. I really liked you. There was just something about you, it caught my attention. You were so good, Leah. You really were. Are. And then a few weeks later, my family went to church for the first time in years. My mom decided we needed to be more involved, so we went to church. You were there, sitting up in the front by your dad. When I looked over, I saw this woman. She was sitting alone, no one around her, and it's like this beam of light shown down from Heaven. Right there in the chapel of the church building. All of the sudden I knew, she was it for me."

She's still crying, her shoulders shaking. I put my arm around her but she pulls away just the slightest bit. She doesn't want me to touch her. I can't say I blame her.

"I didn't know who she was or anything about her, but every week she sat alone or with your brothers and sisters. I thought maybe she was a nanny or something. Your father's nanny. I didn't know she was your mom until it was too late. I was obsessed with her. She consumed my thoughts, my dreams. I'd never felt that way about anyone before. Once I realized she was your mother, I tried to stop. I tried to ignore her. I tried to push away the feelings I had for her. But I couldn't."

I'm so ashamed of the way I did things, how I pursued you. How I used her, even if I didn't mean to. It was wrong, so wrong. Yet I couldn't stop, even when I tried to.

"I thought maybe if I had you, I could be satisfied. You had so much of her in you, I could see it. I wanted it, all the things about you. I tried so hard, Leah. I tried to do right by you, to love you. And I did, I did love you. It just wasn't enough. I wasn't sure until after she and I were together. By then, there was nothing I could do to stop it. I loved her. I needed her. I was willing to risk everything for her. And it was so wrong."

"You used me because I was like my mother? Are you serious right now?" she asks, her words shaking, filled with hurt. Betrayal.

"I'm not proud of what I did, Leah. And I did love you. I swear to you, I did. I tried so hard. I wanted things with you to work, it would have been so much easier. But soon enough I realized I couldn't get her out of my head. She was the one, whether I liked it or not. After that, after wrapping my head around that, I didn't care anymore. I stalked her, hunted her. I found any excuse I could to talk to her, to smile at her, to touch her."

She cringes. I'm sure the thought of me touching you isn't a pleasant one. Not for her, anyway.

"She was like air to me, Leah. I had to see her. I had to be around her, I didn't want to hurt you and tried over and over again to make myself break things off with you, but that would mean I wouldn't see her anymore. I was selfish and mean, I didn't consider what it would do to you. I pushed her into this, Leah. She didn't come after me. I was old enough, I knew what I wanted. We didn't want to hurt you, or anyone else. But the feelings we had...they were so strong, Leah. I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you."

My eyes are blurry with tears. I just want her to know how sorry I am for everything. How much I didn't want this to ever happen. I never would have willingly chosen this road for my life, but I fell in love with you and it was everything for me.

"You used me, Edward. You lied to me for years. At least with my mom, I knew she messed up. I knew she betrayed me and my family. I hated her for so long. But you...you knew the whole time, and you never told me. You sat and listened to me cry and scream over her, and you never said one word. How could someone do that? How could you do that to someone you claim to love? You never loved me. You don't do things like that to people you love, Edward. I don't know what kind of fucked up game you two were playing, but I hate it. Do you know how you've made me feel? Like a cheap, no good whore. Like a hooker that you use and then just throw away. That's how I feel. You used me, both of you did, but especially you. You were my friend, Edward, above all. And this is what you did to me?"

Her words cut me, tear at my flesh. My soul. Leaving raw, open wounds that may never heal. Not all the way, not the right way. I will always be scarred and ugly because of this. What I've done. What I made you do.

I can't make her forgive me or you or us. It's her choice, her right. I just need to make sure she knows how sorry I am. How guilty I feel. How ashamed I am.

But also, she needs to know that if me taking away her pain meant I wouldn't have you, I would go through all of it again. No questions asked. I would never give up the chance to have you.

Ever.

Leah stands, walks a few steps away from me before turning around.

"You disgust me. I loved you, I gave you my heart and my soul. You've made a mockery of me, of my feelings for you. I will never trust you again, ever. Every time I see my baby sister, I'll see what you did to me, to my family. We were having sex all that time. What would you have done if I'd gotten pregnant? Would you have left me for my mom? Raised my sister and left me to fend for myself?"

My eyelids close. I knew it was a risk, being intimate with both of you at the same time. But I was 18, I didn't care.

"I don't know what I would have done, but I never would have left you alone like that. Not ever. I would've made sure you were okay, that I helped you and did my part. I did love you, Leah, whether you choose to believe it or not. I cared about you, I still do. And I'm sorry. I can't change anything, but I am sorry."

Her face is sad, yet angry. Stone. "I don't want to hear it. Not now, maybe not ever. I don't know if we can move on from this. This is bad, Edward. So bad. You hurt me. Over and over through the years, you hurt me, but this? This is the kind of thing that people don't get past, Edward. This is life changing. This destroys people, families, relationships. My heart is broken, Edward. I don't know how you could have done this to me. Either of you."

I wipe the tears from my cheeks as they start to fall. Regret. So much regret is coursing through my body.

"She's my mother, and I miss her. But this... It'll be a long time before I'm able to see you again, if ever. Don't call me, don't come see me, don't email me. Nothing. And don't come to my wedding. I want that to be a happy day, and if you're there, all I'll be thinking about is what you did. Paul doesn't deserve that. He deserves to have a happy bride, who is excited to be marrying him. I won't let you ruin our day."

Leah turns to leave, walking back to the house. I follow her, a few steps behind, giving her space.

You're still standing in the yard, Paul near you. I don't know if you've talked to him or not.

Is he going to punch me? I deserve it. I'll let him, if he wants to.

"Leah?" you say to her as she walks by you. There's no life in your voice.

She stops, and I watch her turn to you.

"You're my mother. I've spent a lot of my life hating you. I can't live that way anymore. I'm sorry that your life was so messed up, but that didn't give you the right to do what you did. Not to me, not my dad. Not to Edward. If you loved him, you should have told me. You should have left my father. You should have done it the right way, not sneaking around behinds our backs."

She's crying again, and so are you. Paul's arms goes around her, protecting her.

"I love you, Mom. I don't want to see you for a while. I can't. I'm sorry, I just need time to deal with this. I don't know what to do, but please, just let me come to you, okay?"

You nod. There's a glimmer of hope in your eyes. She's given you something to hold on to. For now.

As she walks away, she pauses. "Mom, you can come to the wedding, but I don't want to see you. I want to be happy that day, and I won't be if I'm reminded of all this. But I want you there, somewhere. I want my mom again."

With one last sob, she's gone. Inside the house. Leaving us to the mess we made.

The destruction we caused.

The devastation we're responsible for.

And as I'm looking at you, and you're looking at me, I realize.

No matter how sick and twisted this whole thing is, it's okay. It's worth it.

It's us. We're worth it.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: So what do you think? Is Leah justified to be more angry with Edward than Bella? I'm curious... :D**

**Reviews are better than telling off someone that's wronged you.**

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	53. Chapter 53 All Right

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be sitting in bed with me while my hubs is outside cleaning the back yard. :) We'd have to steal away any spare moments possible. Hubs can kind of hinder the "quiet time" if you know what I mean... :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. After all those reviews for last chapter, I'm still in a review reading daze. I love it... :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. I wonder what her favorite flavor of ice cream is? That's something a wifey should know off hand, right? I'm slacking...**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. ****Wonder on their ice cream choices, too. Interesting. And **_**mnp968**_**...you know. :)**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. And it sounds like everyone is pretty well divided on who Leah should be MORE upset with, though most of you think she SHOULD be upset. I like that. :)**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Fifty Three - All Right … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

The drive back to Alice's house is quiet, I follow you.

I wonder if Leah meant what she said, if she really does want me.

If there's a chance she could someday forgive me.

I don't deserve it, but I'll take it. I want it. If she offers, I'll never turn her down.

Now that I've seen her, seen my old house, I want my family back. I know Leah is angry, and her brother Seth is angry too. Becca told me in her last letter. They are both away at school, Becca 23 now, and Seth 20. I'm sure he looks like his father. He always did.

My younger two, Kim and Alex, still live with their dad. I wonder if they were there today, if they saw me. They're old enough to remember me, but they don't hate me. Hate what I did.

Becca told me. Kim is 16, Alex 14. I could file for custody of them, petition the court. I should ask you about that, about helping me. Maybe a judge would take me seriously now.

Alice apologizes over and over to us, but nothing is her fault. She didn't do anything wrong. Claire knows something happened, but you distract her thoughts with mention of the hotel swimming pool.

We're in the car and on our way in no time.

"My dad wants us to come over tonight, he wants to talk to us. He wants to meet Claire."

I ask about your mom, if she'll be there. I know she hates me. I don't want a scene in front of Claire.

My only hope is that Claire's middle name, Elizabeth, will calm her anger. It was her mother's name, you told me.

You tell me she won't be home, not until tomorrow. I breathe a little easier. For now.

Tomorrow is another day.

Claire is bouncing around in her seat. The pool did nothing to wear down her excitement. Lap after lap she swam, still bursting with energy.

I'm sure the fact you told her she was meeting her grandfather has nothing to do with it.

She's never had one before. Mrs. Cope has been her substitute grandmother, but no grandfather. I think she'll like him.

I want to speak to him. Alone. Ask questions, find out why. He risked a lot for me, and I have no idea why.

I put aside my thoughts about Leah, the afternoon. It's out of my control, and I can only handle one problem at a time. I'll think about it later, tomorrow. Like Scarlett O'Hara did.

Lot of good that did her.

The house is big, just as I remember. It's not the biggest in the neighborhood, but it's nearly twice the size of the house I grew up in. Larger than the house I raised my children in. My one bedroom apartment could fit in the living room.

It's large. Spacious. Warmer than I remember.

Your mother must have painted, redecorated, changed things. Maybe that's what she did in her spare time, while she missed you and dreamt up girls for you to marry.

I whisper at Claire to not touch anything. Just my luck, she'll break the ten thousand dollar vase your mother imported from Italy a month ago, or something along those lines.

I need as many things as possible to go right for me tonight. I have enough to live up to.

"Edward," you father says, gesturing for you to enter the house. His eyes move to me, his expression remaining the same. I'm sure it's hard for him to do that, not give any emotion when he wants to so badly.

I move, step inside, then his eyes move down.

His breath catches in his throat.

"Oh my..."

"Dad, this is Claire. My daughter," you say, stepping between them, holding out your hand to Claire. "Claire, this is your grandpa."

"Hello," she says, her voice sweet as honey, her hair and skin smelling strongly of chlorine.

The smile on your father's lips tells me everything I need to know.

He loves her. Already.

He might have sacrificed a lot to protect you, but I can see that he was doing it for her, too.

What I don't expect are his next words.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for leaving you alone, for not letting Edward be with you. I'm sorry for not insisting on giving you money. I'm sorry for so many things, but mostly I'm sorry we missed out on so much of your life, of Claire's life."

He's sincere, I want so badly to believe him. I want the fairy tale, the prodigal son returning to open arms, the happy and joyous reunion.

I want it all, so I smile. Grateful for what he's given me and Claire so far. Your smile is assuring, helpful. I relax a bit, let my guard down.

Finally, after nearly eight years, I can let my walls down, trust someone else.

I can try to, anyway.

With your hand on the small of my back, Claire's hand held tight by your father, we walk deeper into the house.

I know at least this much will be all right for us.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Carlisle's a good man. He's trying.**

**Reviews are better than $10,000 Italian imported vases.**

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	54. Chapter 54 Hot Tub

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be going to church with me today. My hubs won't go, at least this way I'd have someone cute to sit next to instead of the old guys who are there alone, too. :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. This chapter's kinda hot. I got a little sidetracked...so sue me. :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She's so pretty... :)**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. They rock. You already know that. ****And **_**mnp968**_**...you know. :)**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. This chapter touches on another taboo subject that I kinda love. I don't know if the story will get around to exploring that issue...haven't decided. I know **_**EBT**_** would love it. Can we say "Outtake"? :D**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Fifty Four - Hot Tub … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

We eat, finishing off the meal my mother made for lunch. My father wanted to order, but you said no. Said you'd heat things up. No sense wasting good food.

I sit up a little taller when you suggest ordering in tomorrow, saving my mom from cooking then.

My dad smiles. He's coming around.

"Grandpa, can I have a cookie?" Claire asks, pointing to a tray of them on the kitchen counter.

"Oh, I think those are for the hospital's bake sale, I'm not sure," my father says.

"Please? I like that kind."

Claire bats her eyelashes. Smart girl.

My father starts to give in.

"Claire, you're fine, you don't need one," you say. "You had plenty to eat."

"Okay, Mommy."

Her face is sad, lips turned down.

"Claire," I whisper. All eyes turn to me. "Go ahead, you can have one. It won't hurt anything."

You look at me, questioning. I know you don't want to upset the balance, cause problems. I don't care. It's just a fucking cookie. Who cares what my mom thinks.

"Claire, you can have two," I say, our gaze never breaking. I see the smile in your eyes before I see it in your cheeks, on your mouth.

"Okay," you say.

I look over, our daughter carefully lifting the cellophane wrap on the tray. "Hey Claire?"

She turns, looks at me. "Huh?"

"Bring Daddy one, too."

I smile as you laugh, my father chuckling.

Things will be fine, I can feel it.

Claire doesn't last long. By the time we pull out of the driveway, she's already falling asleep. Luckily, the hotel had a suite available. It's nothing fancy, but it gives us a small bedroom where Claire can sleep while we watch television, talk.

It's been a long day, hard, draining. I want to be here for you if you need to talk, but you don't. You just smile and sigh. Easy. So Bella.

Lucky for me that you don't need to talk. That's not what I want. Not really, anyway.

I sneak into the bedroom, to our bags, pulling out the bathing suits I packed for us. This room has a hot tub, and I fully intend to use it.

"You wanna take a dip with me?" I ask, trying to find my most seductive voice as I hold up our suits.

"Edward," you smile. "Is it okay for me to go into the hot tub, with the baby and all?"

I don't know, but I don't really care. Except that I do.

Grabbing my laptop, I thank the heavens for free wifi in our room and quickly research hot tubs, their effects on pregnant women. I check our hot tub, happy to see a thermostat on the side.

"It says to set the temperature a little lower, otherwise no longer than ten minutes. So I'll set it for 100 and we should be fine. We won't be in too long, anyway. And you can sit on the side for a bit, it you like."

Your eyes get a bit hazy, you look over to the hot tub, sitting on our balcony. We're only one floor up, easy to see from the ground. Easy to see from other rooms.

You smile, a little bit of shy mixed with sex.

There's my Bella, the girl that likes a little voyeurism.

"Okay." You grab your suit from me, hurry to change.

I shut off the lights, strip down right there. Once the thermostat is set, I climb in, letting the bubbles soothe me. The door slides open, I look over to see you.

Your tiny green bikini fits you like a glove, the long strings dangling on your hips, behind your neck, down your back. Your belly is starting to show, a little bump there. I love it.

Holding my hand, you climb in, sitting next to me and sighing. Moaning.

"Are there other people around here?" you ask. I know you're nervous. As much as you like people seeing you, us, you like being in control of who it is. My sweet, dirty, nervous girl.

"Yeah, there are some around, but no one can see us unless they're looking right at this balcony. I turned off the lights, we're good."

You grin, moving in the water, straddling my lap. Your tits are in my face, and I can't help grab one, gently biting it through the cloth of your swim suit.

Your head lulls back, a low moan floating on the air. Your hands go to the back of my head, holding me against you.

"Yes, baby, oh yeah."

I take turns, biting one breast and then the other, my hands dancing along your hips, tugging at the stings there.

My nose pushes over the fabric of your top, my teeth pulling it down until your nipple pops out. I taste it, suck it deep into my mouth.

Your hips begin to rock, a chorus of, "Oh fuck, yeah baby, so good," repeating over and over again.

My fingers pull, untying the tiny bows on your hips, and I feel the fabric fall away from you. My hands slide around your ass cheeks, grasping them hard and pulling you against me. You can feel how rock solid I am for you, and I can tell how badly you want me.

"Ten minutes," I whisper, licking and sucking at your tits. "Time for you to get out for a bit. Why don't you sit on this corner here, right next to me."

You move to stand, your suit bottoms gone, floating in the water. As you move, my fingers slide up your back, pulling at the stings there. The suit top soon joins the bottoms in the white bubbling water, and once again you're bare, naked for me.

Sitting up on the edge, your legs are together, your eyes playful.

"Uh, uh, uh," I say, my hands gripping your knees and pushing them apart, opening you up to me. In the dull light, I see what I want, my Promised Land. Our eyes meet and as I move forward, I watch you lean back just a bit, pushing your pelvis toward me. My waiting mouth.

As soon as my tongue tastes you, I remember how much I've missed this. Our sex life is incredible, and you never leave me wanting. But this...this is something new. I've never had sex in a hot tub before, and all the different possible ways that I could have you are running through my head.

I lick, bite, suck for all I'm worth. Your voice whispers, strained. "Edward, there's someone coming." Looking up, I can see your eyes glued on what I imagine is the sidewalk that leads past our room.

"Shhhhh, be quiet baby. Let me tongue fuck you while they walk by."

"Oh yeah," you groan and my tongue goes back to work. They probably can't see us, or hear us, but we can hear them, hear the man saying all kinds of dirty things to the woman, and I can feel it turning you on. You're so wet, your skin pebbling as a breeze blows by us.

My lips suck your clit into my mouth, my tongue flicking over it, over and over again. Your body quivering in response. I watch your chest heave, up and down, heavy motions. Your nipples are so hard in the cool night air, my tongue remembers the feel of them, but works on the clit that's occupying it right now.

I can never get enough of you. If I could live like this, my tongue buried inside you while you twist and grind against me, I would. It's my favorite place, even better than when my cock is fully engulfed in you. Being able to watch you lose control, taste you, suck you, almost makes me lose my mind.

Every. Fucking. Time.

I stand up, knowing the couple has stopped along the path, not far from our room. Did they see us? Are they doing some fooling around of their own?

My swim trunks push down my hips, my legs, gone. I grab your hips, pull you forward even more before lining myself up and pushing in. You're so warm, so soft, so good. I plunge in, over and over again, my hips slapping against yours.

I take a nipple in my mouth, sucking it hard as your fingers dig into my back, holding on for dear life.

"You like people watching us, baby?" I whisper on your skin, my tongue licking up your chest.

"Oh yes, so much." Your voice is shaking, like your body.

I pull out, then push back in, harder with each push. My lips meet your ear, pulling it into my mouth. The taste of your skin, it's like nothing I've ever had before. I missed it for so long, I'll never take it for granted again.

"Wait," you breath, pushing me back. As soon as I'm out of you, you're flipping over, backing into me. "Behind, I want you from behind."

My cock knows right where to go, and I slide in. In the excitement of the moment, the two of us pushing and pulling over and over again, I slide out. My thrusting already in progress, I push forward as you push back, and the tip of me hits something else. Another hole. A place we haven't ever gone to yet.

I hear you suck in a breath, as the head of my dick plunges into you. So tight. Not where I'm supposed to be, but the feeling...it's so smooth, slick. I want more.

This is definitely something we're going to have to try again. Looking down, seeing the head of my cock in your ass makes my balls tighten. I pull out, stroking a few times, then noticing your hand beneath you, your fingers rubbing furiously over your clit. Your back arches, I know you're close.

I push into you again, my hand grabbing your hips as I slide in again. And again. And again.

Just when I think I can't take it anymore, I hear you start to pant, mew, and your walls tighten around me. You squeeze me as you still, making me work harder for you. And I do, just before my stomach clenches and I feel myself falling. Falling into ecstasy. Just like every other time I'm with you.

My cum shoots into you. Warm, hot. And we freeze, pause. Both caught up in the moment. The perfection of us.

In the distance we can hear moaning, flesh slapping. Someone else nearby is fucking. When our eyes meet, I know we both wonder the same thing. Did they hear us like we hear them?

I hope so, and as I slide out of you, sitting down in the tub and pulling you back into my lap, I kiss you.

You're mine, and while I might not mind other people hearing or seeing us sometimes, I only want it when I want it. And right now, I'm not sharing you.

You're my Bella. Always.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Yes, hotel hot tubs are gross. I've seen them talked about in the movie **_**Blue Crush**_**. But still, kinda hard to resist, right? :D And before you yell at me about pregnant women and hot tubs, I did my research. It's possible. :)**

**Reviews are better than swiping cookies.**

**Leave one.**


	55. Chapter 55 Stunned

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be boiling water for the egg noodles I should be cooking. The Chicken Stroganoff is almost done in the crock pot. I love when that happens... :)**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. My house smells good and I'm hungry. I don't think my brain is working quite right... :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. Today's her hub's birthday. She told him about us. :) Happy Birthday to him! :D Although, like most fanfic hubs', he didn't get it. :D**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. I wish I could give you candy bars, because you're an Almond Joy to be around and Mounds of fun. I feel like a Nerd when we're Skor-ing fanfic stories to read. Your jokes make me Snicker and your moans over pics of our Big Hunk Rpattz make me giddy. I love you to the Milky Way and back! ****And **_**mnp968**_**...you know. Oh, you... :)**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. I can't believe it's almost over. My heart is beating too hard, this isn't good for my old age...**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Fifty Five - Stunned … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

Every morning that I wake up next to you, it's like a dream. I pinch myself to see if it's real.

Every time you see me do it, you laugh. Then you kiss me.

I think morning breath is what reminds you. In a fantasy, no one ever has bad breath. Nor do they have morning sickness.

I see your worried eyes as I hurry out of bed, toward the bathroom. You know the drill. It's been a few days now, you're getting used to it.

Lucky for me, you brought crackers and juice. They always help.

We leave for your parent's house, and I'm grateful that I've kept down some eggs this morning. Blessed room service. I just hope they stay down. The last thing I need it for me to lose it in your mother's house. Nice impression, especially when I already have so much shit from the past to make up for.

Your father was sweet, kind as we left last night. Hugging me, kissing Claire. I can see he is fond of her, his granddaughter. Just as I hoped he would be.

Your mother, on the other hand... I don't know what to expect. You can tell I'm nervous, worried. I feel your hand on mine, soothing, calming.

You know exactly what I need.

My eyes watch the door as we pull up. It's no real shock when your father opens it wide, smiling. I see so much of you in him, your kindness. I love that.

We walk inside, both of us hesitant, nervous. Your mother sits in the living room, snuggled deep into a wing back chair. Like a queen on her throne. Her eyes soft as she looks at you, hardening to ice as she looks at me.

"Mom, you look better today." You go to her, trying to make peace.

You always talk big, like you don't care what they think, and I know you don't. But part of you does. It's only natural. You want their approval. You don't need it, but you still want it.

"Edward, thank you for coming back to see me. I see you've brought other guests with you as well."

"Mother," you say. Your tone rather condescending. "You know Bella. And this..." You reach for her hand, pulling her to your side. "...is Claire. Claire Elizabeth."

Her eyes widen at that. Hopefully she's okay with it, Claire having her mother's name.

"Hello Claire," she says. The two of them stare at each other, neither willing to be the first to look away.

"I had some of your cookies yesterday, Daddy said it was okay. They were good, but I like the kind from Mommy's work better."

You smile, your father smiles.

Your mother smiles.

"Well, I made those for a bake sale. I didn't use my secret recipe. Maybe once I make those for you, you'll change your mind," she says, reaching out and touching Claire's hair. "My, you're such a pretty thing. You look like your daddy, do you know that?"

Claire nods. "Yep, Mommy telled me that I do. I look like you, huh Daddy?" She looks up, her green eyes sparkling.

We're all smiling. It's a miracle the way a child's love can bridge even the deepest canyons between people.

Lunch goes better than I thought, your mother even speaking to me a few times. When I offer to clear away the dishes, your father insists that you and Claire do it, that he has something he wants to speak to me about.

Your eyes tell me nothing. You don't know what's going on, either.

I follow him to his office, not surprised when he closes the door behind me. His face is serious, and I wonder if this is it. If this is when he tells me that he can never accept me. If this is when he tells me that I ruined your life. If this is when he tells me that he wants me to go away, leave you and Claire alone forever.

I won't do it. Not again.

I'll die first.

"Bella, I know the things I told Edward kept him from finding you. He and I haven't been close these past few years, and I know it's because of what I did, the lies I told him. He knows the truth now, and I hope that he and I can rebuild our relationship."

I nod, remembering what you told me as we lay in bed last night, falling asleep. How you talked to him, how you're hopeful for a future with him in it.

"I know that you struggled with raising Claire. I don't know the exact situation, but I heard things about your ex-husband, him bragging about leaving you high and dry, making you suffer for your sins. It wasn't right what he did to you. I didn't know where you were, though I did look. I wasn't sure of your last name, since you'd changed it, and I couldn't ever find a Bella Black anywhere. I wanted to help you, support you. Edward is Claire's father and he should have been helping to support her."

I have no idea what he's getting at. I sit in the chair next to him, watching his eyes dart around, nervous and unable to look at me.

"It's fine, Carlisle. I managed just fine, and I made my own life. With no one's help. Well, no one but my neighbor Mrs. Cope. It was just what I needed, so that I could find out who I was. I'd never had that, I'd always been someone's daughter, or someone's wife, or someone's mother. Never just me, Bella. Being on my own taught me so much, made me stronger. Claire and I were happy, we never wanted for anything. Please don't feel bad, I don't."

It's true, all the things I tell him. I did need that time alone, to figure out life for myself. I never went to bed hungry, and neither did Claire. We were fine. We made it on our own just fine.

I wasn't happy, but he didn't ask that.

"Bella, I didn't mean anything negative, I was just trying to say... Well, I felt badly about things, and I wanted to do something. I talked to a few colleagues of mine about child support, rates and types and all that. Anyway, I settled on $500 a month and then extra for holidays and birthdays, for school clothes and daycare. Anyway, I've been stashing it away for the last six years or so, and it came to about $65,000, so I rounded up. Here's a check," he says, leaning over to his desk and sliding a paper out from under a book. "It's $75,000 for you and Claire. I'm so sorry I couldn't get it to you sooner, but I hope you'll put it to good use now."

I'm stunned. My mouth hangs open, I'm sure your father thinks I've lost my mind.

"What?" I ask, my voice quiet. Shocked.

"$75,000, for you. I hope you'll take it. It's what I want, for you to have it. For your time, your work and effort. You deserve much more, but this...please take it."

"Carlisle, I can't take your money. I don't want it. If anything, put it in savings for Claire's college some day. I won't take it."

I stand, turning for the door. I can't take your dad's money, it's not right.

"Bella, please, just take the money. Edward never has to know. I won't ever tell him, it's just between you and me. Just take the money and go."

I open the door, your father right behind me.

You're standing there, anger all over your face.

"What did you say to her?"

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: So Carlisle did good, right? We love him even more now? :) And Esme...not too horrible. :) See, I have a plan. :) The money thing, I knew it was coming.**

**Kids are home for Fall Break all week. What screwed up school system developed THIS crap? And Hubs is home tomorrow, too. Ugh, he's gonna try and make me DO stuff around my house. Save me... :D**

**Reviews are better than savings accounts.**

**Leave one.**


	56. Chapter 56 Flustered

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be stealing me away for the day, to some romantic spa where they serve chocolate and soda all day long, with back rubs and foot rubs and **_**ALIAS**_** playing non stop on a giant TV. Oh, and we'd be making out all day too, of course. :D That's kind of a requirement. I mean, have you SEEN the man? :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. My house is full of children and my hubs. My head hurts already...but at least I got to sleep in. :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. I adore her, she's kinda special. :)**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. I gotta come up with something truly epic to say to you two, this story's winding down. Oh, I did add some stuff to this chapter. Wonder if you can spot it... :D ****And **_**mnp968**_**...you know. You're wonderful, too. :)**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. Man, you guys just don't trust Carlisle, do you? Poor guy...**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Fifty Six - Flustered … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

You're gone for a while with my father. My mother is happily entertaining Claire. I gotta admit, I'm shocked.

I didn't think she would be so accepting, but she is. The way she is with Claire, I didn't think it was possible. Never have I seen her smile, laugh, giggle so much in my life. My mother, giggling like a school girl. It's like she has no concerns anymore. Like nothing bad or hard is in her line of sight.

I just wonder what the precious bitties at church would say if they knew. If she would be different to them, around them. I hope not, our Claire deserves better.

When I walk into the kitchen, I find myself glancing around at the counter tops. Are there any medications here that could explain her sudden change in demeanor? This all just seems too good to be true.

Maybe she hit her head harder than I thought.

I hear Claire's laughter from the other room and it assures me, there's nothing to worry about. My mother's a good person. A little misguided at times, but in her heart? All good.

I decide to find you, see what you and my dad are doing. When I get to the office, the door is closed, but I hear your voice on the other side. You don't sound happy, and I pause, listening.

Just as you open the door, I hear my father telling you to take the money and go. He stands behind you, holding out a check.

"What did you say to her?" I ask, rage quickly building. Is this what it looks like? He's trying to buy you off? Is that why my mother is so content and peaceful today?

"Edward, no," you say, putting your hands on my chest, trying to catch my eyes.

"Son, it's not what you think. Let me explain." I can see he's anxious, flustered. I pull you to me, shielding you from the shit that I think might soon be hitting the fan.

"What?" I ask, my voice showing my anger.

"I've been putting money aside each month for Bella and Claire, ever since I found out you were her father. Like child support. I didn't know where Bella was, so I couldn't send it to her. Now she's here and I want her to have it. She won't take it, I was just trying to get her to accept it, that's all. This is all my fault, son. Please, let me do my best to try and mend things."

My mind wanders. "You put money aside for them?" I ask. My eyes showing the shock of what I'm hearing.

Have I stepped into the Twilight Zone? Because seriously, these are not my parents.

He pleads his case, professing his sincere apologies. Sad that his lies kept us apart. Angry that things weren't really possible for us at the time. Broken that we've missed so many days, minutes, years together. He just wants to make it right, to help you, us. He was nervous, he says. Nervous about how I'd react to his offering, to what he's been doing all along. While I was missing you, yearning for you, he was setting aside assistance for you. Never telling me, or anyone.

My mother doesn't know. He promises to tell her, he knows she'll ask soon. He's just afraid. And for one of the few times in my life, I see it... Fear. He truly is afraid. Afraid of losing everything he's just gained.

As I look at you, see Claire in you, I understand that. I would be terrified to lose this. What we have.

Your eyes meet mine. You plead your case as well, insisting that you don't want the money. Don't need the money. That we're fine without it, though you appreciate the gesture. You don't want to be seen as a money whore, as someone just looking to cash in on my family's kindness, graciousness.

You're not that, I know you're not. And I don't care what anyone else says. I know what we have, I know it's real. True. Forever. Money or no money, we're it. For now and for always.

I don't know what to think about this situation, though. Not that I want my father's money, but it's not for me to decide. It's yours. Yours and Claire's. You're the ones who suffered, made due without so many things.

I tell you, it's not up to me, not my choice. Just as you're about to say no for the fiftieth time, I stop you. A thought crosses my mind.

"Baby, just think, that's school for you, and for her. No more worries about money. Not ever, if we're careful. Plus, with that as a down payment, we could buy a house."

Your eyes light up, your teeth bite into your lower lip. If we were alone, I'd be pawing at you by now for that.

"A house? Like in a neighborhood with grass and everything?" you ask.

"Yeah, everything."

You look down at the floor for a moment before looking back up at me. "Can it have a few extra bedrooms?"

I smile. "Of course, we need someplace for this little one," I say, my hand on your belly.

"What about a couple others that aren't so little?"

We stare, quietly watching each other. Your brow is furrowed, creased. I see worry in your eyes, desperation. I've never seen you look this way before. Others that aren't so little? What do you mean?

Then it hits me.

Your other children. Kim and Alex. Even the older ones, they might want to stay sometimes.

I smile. "Absolutely."

You let out a breath, the corners of your mouth bending up into a little smile, relief. Turning to my father, you nod. "I'll take it." Your arm tightens around my waist. "We'll take it."

And as we leave, I know our life together will never be the same.

And I realize, we need an amazing attorney.

And a preacher.

And for our good luck to hold out just one more day.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Everyone okay again? We cool? You happy with Carlisle again? He's good, see? He didn't mean anything bad by his offer. :)**

**I think it's time we meet Jake the Snake, don't you? :)**

**Reviews are better than houses in a neighborhood with grass and everything.**

**Leave one.**


	57. Chapter 57 Sinner

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would have helped hubs change the thermostat on our car today. The weather's just nice enough for him to have worked up a little bit of a sweat while getting all covered in grease and car crap. Ugh, hubs is kinda hot when he looks like that. I can't imagine what Rpattz would look like... But I'd be happy to clean him off afterward. :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I must find a way to rid my house of children. Must. Find. A. Way.**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She likes pineapple pop. I call it soda, she calls it pop. Maybe I'll start calling to soda pop... **

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. "You're it, you're the ultimate. It's automatic, I'm sure of it. No lie, so don't even try, to tell me that you're not the guy (girl, whatever). 'Cause I've been waiting all my life, for someone just like you. You're it, you're the ultimate, you." I won't admit to having that song memorized, or to who sings it. Let's just say Hot Mess and move on. :D ****And **_**mnp968**_**...you know. She's speedy, alright. :)**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. Jake the Snake. Oh boy...**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Fifty Seven - Sinner … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

Your mother hugs me as we leave. She doesn't speak, but her arms hold me tight. Tighter than you hold an acquaintance. Not as tight as you hold someone you'd genuinely like to choke. Just tight, meaningful.

There's hope here, I guess. I think it's because of Claire.

I know it is.

As we drive back to the hotel, my phone rings. Odd, I'm not expecting anyone.

"Bella, it's Alice. Jake was here, he's looking for you. I didn't give him your number. I said it was new, I didn't know it. Tell him you came back by, that Claire forgot something. But you need to call him, talk to him. He was mad."

"Of course he was," I tell her. I figured he would be, I'm not surprised.

He used to get mad over things all the time. They were always about me, never the kids. If something ever went wrong, it was always my fault, for one reason or another. I got used to it.

I'm not used to it anymore.

I won't put up with it, either. Not now.

I tell you, you're angry, too. I don't blame you.

After we drop Claire back at Alice's house, we drive toward my old home. My old life. My old husband.

You want the kids with us, if we can. If they want. I don't know what they want, but I'd like to find out. I intend to find out.

He is standing in the yard as we pull up. His eyes glaring before I even get out of the car.

"What do you think you're doing? You can't just show up here unannounced," he yells.

I see you fuming, steaming already. I meet your eyes.

"Let me, stay here please. Let me," I beg.

Your head shakes. You don't want me to do this alone.

I need to do this alone. I need to stand up to him myself, for once. I need this.

I tell you and you understand. You still don't like it. But you get it.

"There's no reason I can't be here. I didn't do anything wrong, and I came to see my daughter, though by the look of her wedding announcement, she's not mine anymore. How dare you, Jake. How dare you deny me that right. You took a lot of things from me, but this it, the last straw. I won't let you do this anymore."

"You chose your road, Bella. You chose to leave, to sleep with any man that would have you. You chose to bring some bastard child into the world. I can only be so charitable before I break. I have limits, too, Bella."

He fumes, his nostrils flaring as he speaks. I don't care, I'm not scared. Especially not when I see my children in the doorway. My Kim and Alex, watching us, listening to our words.

"I made wrong choices, a lot of them. I don't regret my feelings or what I did. I don't regret that I left, that I fell in love with someone else. Those are the only things I don't regret. I do regret choosing you when I was too young to know any better. I regret letting you control my life, letting you cast me aside. I regret leaving my children, not fighting harder for them. I regret hurting everyone I loved by following my heart. I regret staying away for so long. That's all. That's all I regret."

"You're a sinner, Bella! Evil and wayward. You shouldn't be around my children, they're better off without you. They have a new mother now, it's better that way."

"Better? Does it look like it's better, Jake? It's better for you this way, better because you can play the victim here. Do you really want to get into all that happened before I finally messed up? Do you want to discuss all of the trips you went on, and how the only other person to accompany you was your secretary, Jessica? How I called trying to find you on a few of those trips, only to discover that the convention was the _next_ weekend?"

I try not to scream, not to yell at him. I don't want my children hearing this, but I'm comforted by the fact that if they do, at least it's all true. I'm not filling them with lies the way he did.

"Do you want to talk about how your office door was always locked when I'd come to see you, and it always took you so long to answer it, and your clothes were always disheveled when you did? And what about the fact that Jessica was always in there with you, taking notes? Did it ever cross either of your minds that maybe your little lie would have been more convincing if she'd actually written something on that notepad in her hands? I'm no fool, Jacob. I knew what was going on. I just didn't care enough about you, or us, to confront you."

His face turns red, his hands clench into fists. He stalks toward me, and I feel you. I feel you behind me, guarding me, protecting me.

"Is this who you've moved on to?" he asks, his eyes looking at you, pausing, thinking.

Recognizing.

"You were so desperate that you had to pick up your daughter's old boyfriend? How sick are you?" He huffs. "You think you're going to be a mother to MY children again? With this hanging around you?"

He points. Accusing.

After a few moments, he figures it out.

"Him? He's the one? You were fornicating with your daughter's boyfriend?" He laughs, a heartless, soulless, evil sounding laugh. "You are so pitiful, Bella. I can't believe you, you had to turn to some high school kid to make you feel better about yourself. I knew I was right about you, all along. You were never good enough. You were, and are, a disgrace to me, to my life. I'm glad you're gone, that my children don't have to be subjected to your sinfulness. You heathen, you'll rot in Hell, for what you've done, Bella."

He's angry, and hurt, I can tell. I spent enough years hearing him speak to me this way, I can hear it. Behind me, I feel your fury, your rage as you get closer to me. Closer to him. To unleashing eight years of anger, hatred, resentment at him. I know it's because of me, of my children, that your hands aren't pounding into him by this point.

I'm done. My children are on the porch now, watching us. I can even see Leah in an upstairs window, her face still twisted in sadness, heartbreak.

I step closer to him, my voice lowering. Deadly. Calm.

"You ruled my life long enough, Jacob Black. I won't put up with it ever again. You won't control me, not anymore. I want my children. I want what's mine. I've let you have your way long enough. It's over."

He laughs. "And just what do you think you're going to do?"

"I'm calling a lawyer, I want my children back."

"Oh Bella, you'll never learn, will you? As if any judge in this county would let you have MY children. It will never happen, I assure you."

The look on his face is one of certainty, he thinks he's unable to be beaten. Defeated.

I'll show him.

"Well, it's just a good thing I don't live in this county, isn't it?"

His eyes flash with some emotion, different. I see something other than superiority for just one split moment.

"Maybe the judges where I live, where I'll be filing, won't be so easily swayed. So easily bought off with a game of golf or a go-round with your secretary. Is that how you convinced them? Made them think you were a worthy man of God? I know you, Jacob Black. I may never have stood up to you before, but I was here long enough, I lived in this house long enough to know what you're really like. It's taken me six long years to admit it to myself. You didn't love me, not like you should have. You took advantage of me, you used me. And the sad thing is that I let you. But I don't need to anymore. I found someone who loves me, who wants me. And he was a better man at the age of 18 than you are standing here today. You might only see him as your daughter's cast off, but he's everything you could only ever dream of being. And you know that God you say you worship? That you follow? I thank him every day for letting me finally see the light. For letting me find someone that loves me, that wants me, that cares for me. So you do what you want, I don't care. But I promise you this. I will see you in court, and I have a hard time believing any judge would feel sorry for you, especially after hearing how you threatened me when we divorced."

He's angry again, and I know it's time to leave. Before something bad happens.

"Mom?" Kim yells, running off the porch toward me.

"Kim, get back in the house!" he tells her, reaching out to stop her.

"Mom, wait!" she calls, running around him, out of his reach. She crashes into me, throwing her arms around me. "I want you, Mom. I'll go with you, so fight for me. Please."

I nod, knowing I'll never again give up. "I will, baby. I promise. I'll see you soon."

She's such a pretty girl, so grown up. It's shocking how much she looks like me. It must annoy him, infuriate him to see her everyday, to be reminded of me.

"Kim, get in the house this instant, young lady!"

"Go, it's okay. I'll see you soon, I love you," I whisper to her.

"Mommy!" Alex calls out, too afraid of his father to leave the safety of the porch.

"I love you, Alex, and I'll see you soon, I promise."

"Bella," you're saying, pulling me away, back to the car. He follows the children into the house, clearly angry that they want to see me. I don't care, except that I don't want him to hurt them. I don't think he would. The man I knew once would never have hurt his children.

I was another story. I can tell from the way Emily stands on the porch, she's another story, too. I feel sad for her, as she watches me get into the car, Edward closing the door behind me.

Leah stands still in the window, looking down at me. I can see in her eyes, understanding. She knows that what I said is true, right. Honest. I never lied about loving her. I didn't lie about her father.

She knows.

The knowledge of that gives me hope. Maybe someday things will be okay, work out. Maybe she can forgive me. Maybe I can be a part of her life. I'll take any part she'll offer, no matter how small.

You hold my hand, your thumb rubbing over mine.

"You okay?" you ask, and I nod. Not really having the words to say much.

"Thank you, Bella."

"For what?" I ask, looking at you with shock all over my face.

"For loving me enough."

And I do. I always have.

I always will.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: It's summer where they are. Let's assume the upstairs window was open, Leah heard the whole thing. :)**

**Three more chapters and an epi. Start thinking of outtakes you might wanna see. I may ask...**

**Reviews are better than telling off your ex.**

**Leave one.**


	58. Chapter 58 A Word

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be rubbing my head and lulling me back to sleep. My head's killing me, I'm going back to bed. :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. It's early, head hurts, not focused. Ehhhhh.**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She gets headaches like I do. Usually at the same time. Freaky... **

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. So good...oh yeah. :) ****And **_**mnp968**_**...you know, you rock. :)**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. So a lot of you wondered what happened to Bella's parents. Well, wonder no more! :D**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Fifty Eight - A Word … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

I don't like the way he talks to you. I never did. But now that you're mine, I really hate it.

It was all I could do to not hit him, not tell him exactly what I think of him and how he treated you. He should know, someone should tell him.

The only reason I didn't was because I could see it was important to you. And your kids were there, watching. It wasn't my place, not in front of them.

And I want to give you everything you want. Everything you need. And you needed to stand up to him. He needed to know that he can't control you anymore. He needed to see what he missed out on, what he let go, what he threw away.

What is mine now.

We pick up Claire and go back to the hotel. You're quiet and I know you're thinking, you need time to process everything that happened. You saw them, you finally saw Kim and Alex, and now you know for sure that they want you.

I take Claire with me to the restaurant next door, order some food for dinner. While we wait, I call my dad. Ask if he knows any good attorneys, can refer us to someone.

After I fill him in on what happened, he worries, wonders if it's what's best for us. I know he only means well, but you need this. And if you need it, then I need it. We need it.

He understands. He's gonna ask around, see what he can find out. Maybe we'll use some of that "child support" money for an attorney, as well as for a house.

We eat dinner, the only one talking is Claire. I think she knows something isn't right, but you smile when she smiles, laugh when she laughs. You aren't your usual happy self to her, but close enough. She goes to bed without any struggle.

We sit up, talk. You want to see your parents on the way home tomorrow. I'm okay with that. We may as well get all the heavy stuff out of the way now, the weekend's already been shot all to hell.

I take Claire for an early morning swim, trying to tire her out for the ride home. She thinks it's just so that we can enjoy the pool one more time. It's also to give you some time alone. I can see in your eyes, you're almost there. Almost back to normal. Almost ready for what's coming.

As we drive in the neighborhood where they live, the address you found for them, I start to get nervous. I'm sure you feel the same way.

Soon, the numbers on the paper in your hand match then numbers on the front of a green house. There's a small fishing boat in the side yard. You laugh, telling me it must be the right place. Your dad always loved to fish. The flowers along the front walk are the work of your mother, you say. They remind me of the flowers you always planted when you lived in his house, so long ago.

I hope you plant flowers at our house.

You ask me to wait in the car, that you haven't seen them in almost 25 years. You don't know what they'll say, if they'll know you. You're afraid, I can tell, but like yesterday I know.

You need this.

Claire is asleep in the back seat. My wearing out strategy worked. For now, anyway. The car windows are rolled down. I want to hear what happens, if you need me.

The street is quiet, lots of nicer homes, but no one out this early on a Sunday morning. It's not too early, not early enough for breakfast, but not late enough for lunch. I watch you knock, wait for the door to open. When it does, I see her. I see you see her, and her see you.

Her face is a mask of shock, her hand shaking over her mouth as she says your name, questioning if it's really you. She hugs you, and I hear her cry as your arms wrap around her.

She's missed you. She's looked for you. She's so sorry, she never meant it. She was so ashamed, what she did, she didn't know what to do. Can you please forgive her?

It's reminiscent of the conversation you just had with Leah. I know you know it, too.

Before long a man with dark hair enters the door way. His mustache is thick, his eyes hard. I hear him say your name, but there's no emotion there. Your hand gestures toward the door, as if you're asking to go inside. I watch him pull the door closed behind him, saying loudly that you can say whatever it is you need to say outside. You're not welcome.

Your mother cries, pulls away from you a little. I feel sad for her, and for you. Mostly I feel sad for your father, for what he's missing out on.

I hear you talking to them, telling them how sorry you are, that they were wrong to kick you out, that you hated them for a long time. You tell them that you miss them, want them back. That you're happy now and you want them near, involved again.

Your mother looks hopeful, happy. Your father...I can't tell. He's stern, hard. Not giving a bit to your words.

When you tell your mother about the wedding, that you'd like them to be there, for us and for Claire, I see your father tense. "Who's Claire?" he demands. You point to the car, to me and her, saying my name and hers. The look on your mother's face, I know she wants to see Claire, maybe even me. But your father, he's resistant, cold.

After several minutes of talking, you come back to the car, they go inside. Your mother sad and crying again.

"Let's go," you say, your voice soft and barely holding in your sobs.

"What did he say?"

"He said no, they won't come. He said I never learn my lessons. That he can't be okay with my life, not then and not now."

Tears slide down your cheeks, and I've had it.

I'm done.

I'm out of the car before you can stop me, knocking, almost pounding on the front door. When he answers, he's startled to see me. I stand a few inches taller than him, and I straighten up, using every centimeter to my advantage.

"Mr. Swan, my name is Edward Cullen. Would you mind terribly if I had a word with you?"

"If this is about Bella and that farce of a wedding she mentioned, then you can-"

"Mr. Swan, I mean no disrespect, sir. I'd just like to say one thing and then I'll leave you alone. The woman in that car, your daughter. I love her. I love her more than I've ever loved anyone in my life. More than I ever will love anyone in my life. And our daughter, she's an angel, not even joking. She's the most perfect thing ever to grace the earth, and you're missing out on that. On them. Sir, I've asked Bella to marry me, and I know you don't think much of it, but casting that opinion aside, I'd like your blessing."

His eyes widen at my words. Clearly he's shocked that I'm doing this. I'm shocked, too. But then I see you in the car, crying and not even able to look at this house. You're worth it, and I'm doing it for you.

"I'd like your blessing on our marriage. I know it means nothing to you, but it means everything to that woman over there," I say, pointing to you, "and because of that, I'm begging for it. Please, will you please give us your blessing?"

He stares at me blankly, his eyes blinking a few times before he finally huffs and lets out a long, deep breath.

"Yes, fine. I give you my blessing."

A small smile plays on my lips. Just one more thing to do, and then we can go home, back to our lives. Back to me and you. Back to our family.

"Sir, thank you for that. I can't leave without asking you one more thing. I know, like I said, that this means nothing to you, but please, if you ever loved her, in your whole life, if you ever truly cared for your daughter, please come to the wedding. It won't be big, just us and my parents and a few friends, maybe some of your grandchildren. Bella needs you there. She needs your support. She needs your love. She's lived without it for most of her life, and you can see what that did to her. Don't let it continue. She's a good person, she's amazing. She just wants to be happy, and I want her to be happy. Please consider it."

He nods his head, looking at you. Your face is in your hands, your shoulders shaking, and I can hear your cries clear from here. Claire is awake, out of her seatbelt and leaning forward, trying to comfort you.

"Is that Claire?" your father asks.

"Yes, that's her."

He's quiet for a moment, pondering. "My mother's name was Claire."

We stand silently, still.

"Thank you, Mr. Swan. I appreciate you hearing me out."

I turn to walk back to you, to leave him to his day, to your mother who is crying inside the house somewhere.

"I'll think about it," he says, stopping me, making me turn around.

"Thank you. You won't be sorry."

With Claire back in her seat,, we're off, headed home. So much done over the past few days. Progress toward healing our lives, fixing the wrongs from our past, creating hope for our future.

With your hand held tightly in mine, I smile.

No matter what else happens, I have you, and I have Claire, and I have our new baby.

I don't ever need anything else to exist or be happy. And I know that.

Your wide brown eyes gaze at me.

"You're so wonderful," you whisper, tears filling your eyes again.

"If I am, it's only because you make me that way." I kiss the back of your hand, winking at you.

There's the smile I love most, your lips turning up at my words, my gesture.

Our daughter chatters happily to herself in the back seat, oblivious to the perfect moment we're having.

Which is kind of perfect, all in itself.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: It's not perfect, I doubt it ever will be, but it's better. :)**

**So, you heard of **_**kitkat681**_**? You read her stories? She wanted to trade me last night, this chapter early for an outtake from her story **_**From My Window**_**. I failed, so instead, I'm gonna write her any outtake she wants. Anything. Like, if she wants some threesome action between Bella, Edward, and Tanya in the club...done. Or if she wants Edward and Bella's first "date" way back when...okay. Or if she wants Edward and Bella at home with their grandchildren someday in the future...ahhhhh, and totally cool. Even if she wants some crazy fantasy that Edward has of him being with Bella and Leah at the same time...uh...oh geez, okay. I'll need to bleach my brain afterward, but I'll do it. Or maybe she wants to hear about one of the times after Leah when Edward tried to date other women, and maybe when he had sex with this lovely, sweet girl named Kate...I could write that. :D**

**Two more chapters and an epi. The epi's already killing me.**

**Reviews are better than perfect moment's where he's kissing your hand and winking at you and smiling that certain smile that's just for you.**

**Leave one.**


	59. Chapter 59 Beaming

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be doing very naughty and delicious things to me with his fingers. What? I only have a couple more times with him...this story's almost over. :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I'm lazing around today, not even bothering to get out of bed yet. But in all fairness, I slept off my headache, so there was that. :)**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She sends me amazing videos on YouTube because she loves me. They make me swoon... :)**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. The best. Ever. Hands down. No comparison. I love them... :) ****And **_**mnp968**_**...you awesome girlie. :)**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. All the really hard stuff's behind them. We're almost done...**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Fifty Nine - Beaming … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

Life returns to normal. Except for the appointments with the attorney we've hired. And the appointments with the therapist we've hired. And the appointments with the real estate agent we've hired. And the appointments with the minister who's going to marry us. And the appointments with Claire's new school.

And the doctor visits.

Apparently I'm "high risk" since I had problems at the end of my pregnancy with Claire. Apparently I'm over the safe birthing age. Whatever.

You love it, though, and take off work for every appointment.

The look in your eyes when we hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time is priceless, and that night as we lay in bed, you press your lips to my stomach, whispering words into my skin that are only meant for our child.

I know this is risky, more risky than you choose to believe. Part of me hopes that the baby will be a boy, so that you'll have a son. That way if things go bad, wrong, I won't have to live my life feeling like I failed you, like I didn't give you a little boy to share all the things you shared with your father.

You tell me every day how happy you are with Claire, how much you'd love another daughter. I hope it's true. I know you'll be happy no matter what, as long as we're both healthy.

The attorney says we have a great chance of getting visitation, especially after I tell him what Jacob did to me, said to me when we divorced. It's all in the papers, how things were his idea. How me not paying child support in exchange for me not asking for visitation, it was all his doing, his suggestion.

My life is in a good place now, better than it was, and we'll be married by the time we finally go before a judge. The wedding is getting closer and closer. Claire is excited, modeling her pink dress every chance she gets. There won't be many people there, just some of your co workers, a college friend or two, a few people from the club, Alice and Jasper, Mrs. Cope, your parents, and maybe mine.

And Becca. My daughter, she wants to come. She might even bring Kim and Alex, if they want to. There's been no word from Leah or Seth. I'm not surprised.

Leah's wedding was beautiful, like I knew it would be. I sat alone in the back row, watched her walk down the aisle to Paul, both of them beaming so bright. So happy. So much love there.

Jacob glared when he saw me. Seth ignored me, even when I said hello. That he looked handsome. That his date was lovely. I gave up after that. He may never come around, give me a chance. And that's okay, that's his choice.

Kim talked to me for a long time, told me about her life, how she misses me. Alex, too, though Seth kept pulling him away. Kim wants to live with us, so does Alex. I told her about us buying a house, going before the judge soon, about the new baby. She's excited, so are Alex and Becca.

It hurt to leave them, to go back to Alice's for the night. It was nice to have her there, a sounding board. It was good having her with me the next day when I met my mother for lunch, too.

I missed you and Claire, home on your Daddy/Daughter weekend. Playing dress up, tea party, and Polly Pocket. You're such a good father to her. You amaze me every day.

We're trying, I'm trying. So many relationships in my life that I'd given up on. I know they won't all be okay, and most won't be perfect, but I'm trying. So hard. At least things with you and me are perfect, amazing.

Even though we still fight.

Like last week, when you left your dishes on the dining table. I didn't understand why, didn't want to feel like your maid. We hadn't argued like that before. Luckily we held it in until after Claire was asleep.

So many other things came out in the fight, I knew it wasn't just about dishes. Emotions boiling over, stress weighing on each of us, frustrations stretching us thin.

When we finally got into our bedroom, your kisses where hard, determined. Your fingers were everywhere on my body, and within seconds my clothes were in a pile on the floor, you buried in me. I glimpsed your fingers digging into my hips, and cried out as you came, I came. We came together in a sweaty, lustful, breathless mound.

It was incredible, and so us.

You apologized afterward, sorry for yelling, being angry, hurting me. I apologized, too, for picking, nagging, exploding at you. It wasn't fair, right, and you kissed away my tears as you promised never again to let things build up so much. Promised to talk to me, to tell me when you're upset, hurt, angry.

Sometimes I panic, wondering when this bubble of perfection and fairy tale will burst. Wonder when you'll see me for the mess that I am and get out while you're still able to. I have to ignore those thoughts, ideas. I know you won't leave, you won't betray me. That you love me, want me, need me.

It's just my baggage making me question things. My fucked up past. And you know that, love me anyway. It'll get better. I hope.

I'm nervous the night before our wedding, but you calm me, soothe me. You tell me how good it will all be, our life together. I cry over the woman having to let out my dress just a little more, making room for my ever expanding belly. You love it, your hands glued to it any time you're within five feet of me.

I love it, too, seeing you so attached already. I remember you holding Claire the day she was born, and wishing so much that I could tell you. That I could make you understand that she was yours.

That was a different time, I was a different person. The woman you're marrying, she's better, stronger, healthier.

She's ready for a life with you. For now and always.

As I close my eyes, drifting off to sleep, you pull me closer, tighter. The baby squirms, kicks. I feel it, and by the quick breath you take, I know you feel it, too.

You sigh. I can hear the laugh in your breathing, sense the smile on your face.

"Garrett," I hear you whisper. I like it. It fits.

I succumb to the dreams pulling me under, darkening my world.

Another kick settles it for me.

We'll name him Garrett.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: **sniffle** I can't believe how hard this is for me... :D I'm such a wuss. :D**

**So, yesterday I offered up an outtake of what EVER she wants to **_**kitkat681**_**. She put up a poll on the secret Facebook Group for this. She was being sweet, letting you guys have a say. Edward and Bella's first "date" won! :D**

**One more chapter and the epi. So far, everyone that's read the epi has cried or teared up a little, at least. I think that's a good sign... :D**

**See you tomorrow...**

**Reviews are better than fingers digging into bare hips...**

**Leave one.**


	60. Chapter 60 Always

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be telling me I'm pretty and that he never wants to leave. He's a little clingy, he's nervous that this whole thing is about over. Gotta say...I'll miss that man... :(**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I own it, okay? I suck sometimes. Well...yeah. :D**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. She's the Wilma to my Betty. She's the Lucy to my Ethel. She's the Thelma to my Louise. No wait, I wanna be Thelma 'cause she TOTALLY gets to bang Brad Pitt in that movie. Either way, she's my one, my only, my truth. I luvs her... :)**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. ****"Now I've had the time of my life, no I never felt like this before, and I swear, it's the truth, and I owe it all to you..." Love you girls. So, so much... :) And **_**mnp968**_**...you're pretty wonderful too. :)**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. This part is sweet. I cried. Shocker...I know. :D**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Chapter Sixty - Always … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

The day I never thought would come, the day I'd dreamed of. It's finally here. My fingers never shook as much as they did when I buttoned my shirt. My stomach never rolled as much as it did when my mother pinned the little flower on my suit lapel. My smile never felt so huge as it did when I saw you at the end of the aisle, Alex at your side and already taller than you.

And in that moment, every nervous feeling I had melted away. You were it for me. Are it for me. There will never be another that I want more, love more. You've always been my one.

Our vows are simple, easy. Just like us. The church is big, but our group is small. Small enough to fit in the frame of a picture, but almost everyone we love most.

I've never been so happy, signing my name next to yours on the marriage certificate. Of all the amazing moments in my life, this will always be right at the top of my list. Along with Claire's birth, and finding you again, making love to you for the first time, and for the second first time.

You cry when you see your parents there, sitting in the pews of the chapel. Your mother is excited, happy. Your father doesn't say much, but he hugs you. He shakes my hand. He almost smiles when he meets Claire, and then Becca, Kim, and Alex. Your mother weeps, laughing through her tears.

There's a dinner we planned, for everyone at a restaurant down the street. Mrs. Cope is there, with a date. Claire laughs when she introduces him as her boyfriend, Liam. You smile at her, giving her a knowing grin and happy. Happy that she's not alone anymore. Happy that love can find someone even when they're in their later years. Happy that your family is growing larger and bigger, when not so long ago it was just you and our daughter. Alone.

You watch your children, and I can see it in your eyes. You miss Leah and Seth. I know you sent a letter to Leah, telling her about the wedding. Inviting her, but letting her know that you understood if she couldn't come. We've talked to our therapist about it. I know it hurts you still, so much. It always will. But you hold my hand, kiss me, assure me that you're happy. That you love me.

And I know you do.

My parents stay with Claire for the night, giving us time alone. They'll be at our new house. So will your other children. We just moved in. You've already asked you mother to help with the flower beds you'd like to plant.

She's excited.

And your dad's excited about teaching Claire to fish. I think it might be fun, maybe I'll go, too.

The hotel is nice, nicer than we've been to before. I wanted that, for this to be special. The baby's kicking so much now, I want you to be able to relax, take it easy.

Your doctor worries about your age, that you've had so many children, but you never had a problem until Claire. You say you'll be fine.

I can see in your eyes that you fear otherwise.

Laying on the bed, I wait for you. You're changing your clothes, freshening up for me. As if I care. As if any clothes you put on are going to stay on. I want you bare for me, naked and in nothing except the ring I put on your finger.

When you walk around the corner, my eyes nearly bulge from my head. The green thing you're wearing is skimpy, see through in certain spots. Your tits look huge, all pushed up and creamy white over the emerald smooth fabric they're wrapped in.

Your dark hair swirls around your shoulders and I'm mesmerized. Captivated.

Just like always.

There's music playing, soft and quiet. I stand up, go to you, pull you into my arms and begin to sway. We dance at home sometimes. It makes Claire laugh to see us, but we love it. I love it. Holding you against me, it calms me, centers me. I need it. And I know you love it, too. Though our son is making it harder for me to get close enough to you.

We know he's a boy. We're naming him Garrett, we both like it. The middle name is undecided, but we have a few more months to worry about it, figure it out.

My lips find yours, wet and soft and warm. As I kiss you, one hand bunching up the fabric on your back, one gently gliding over your neck, your jaw, your cheek, into your hair, I'm overwhelmed with love for you.

"Thank you," I whisper, in between hungry, loving, desperate, tender kisses.

You smile. "For what?"

"For loving me. For wanting me. For being Mrs. Cullen."

You half laugh, half sob as your eyes fill with tears.

"Always," you mouth, your voice so soft I can't hear it.

I kiss you again, pulling you to the bed, where I intend to show you just how much I love you. Adore you. With your clothes on the floor, I cover you with kisses, every inch of your body. You bend and twist, moan and sigh with every touch. You voice calling my name like a prayer, over and over again.

As I sink into you, connecting us, making us one, I stop. My eyes on yours. Drinking in the moment, the perfection of us. I tell you I love you. I always will.

You're my Bella. The one I've always wanted. Always dreamed of. The one person I'll always come home to, always wait for. The one I'll wake up to each morning, and go to sleep with each night. For the rest of my life, and hopefully even after. Eternity isn't long enough for all the things I want to do with you, the time I want to spend with you.

But one thing I can promise you is this. For as long as I'm breathing, as my heart beats, as my spirit exists, I'll love you.

I'll want you.

I'll worship you.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Pass the tissues. My freakin' kids used all mine up! Dang them...**

**Outtakes. There will be outtakes. I'm thinking 7 will be directed at specific people, whatever they want, because I love them. So if your name starts with **_**Mrs. Robward, Luxure, EdwardsBloodType, **__**mnp968, KennedyNicoleCullen, ssherrill115**_**, or **_**kitkat681**_**...be thinking. Anything you want. :) And other than that, I think I'll do like 6 more? So if you got something you want to see, let me know! Write it in a review, leave it at the FB group, email it to me, twitter me, whatever! I'm making a list and we'll see what we come up with. :) Please don't make me say goodbye to these characters just yet. I'm not ready... :(**

**Only the epi to go. I'm so gonna sob this afternoon. Good thing I have to make a pie for hubs. That'll distract me a little bit. :D**

**Reviews are better than being worshiped by Edward. Well, maybe not quite. :)**

**Leave one.**


	61. Epilogue  Forever and Ever and Ever

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be bangin' me. Straight up. No more stalling. It'd be awesome...**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. By this point you know that. I think you're okay with it.**

**I'm gonna get my thanks out now, so as not to clog up the ending a/n.**

**This is for my wifey, **_**Mrs. Robward**_**. I wrote this for you, just you. I'm happy you let me share this with everyone. You'll never know what you mean to me. Not really. But, since this is how we do it... ****http:/www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=o8EamHKpdrM**

**Thanks to **_**Luxure **_**&**_** EdwardsBloodType **_**for prereading this. I don't really know what I'd do without you two. You're two of the very best parts of this fandom for me, meeting you...getting to know you... I'll forever be grateful for that. I love you both. :)**

**And **_**mnp968**_** thanks for the help. You were wonderful to me. :)**

**Thanks to everyone who has pimped this, rec'd it, talked about it, voted for this, freaked out on Twitter or Facebook over this... The past few weeks have meant so much to me. You'll never know...**

**Big, Huge, MEGA thanks to **_**KennedyNicoleCullen**_** for getting this whole thing started. This was just a naughty little story until you found it. I'm eternally in your debt...**

**And to **_**ssherrill115 **_**for recing this on her site. You're always so good to me...I don't know what I did to deserve you. But I'm glad I did it. :)**

**And to **_**RoseArcadia**_** for the beautiful blinkie she made me...even though she was drunk off her behind while doing it! :D You're always so lovely to me...thank you. :) I owe you an outtake, too, so be thinking... :) And if you haven't seen that blinkie, it's linked on my profile. Ugh, it's hot and so pretty... :D**

**All my girls on Twitter and Facebook...I love each one of you. I know I'll forget if I start naming names, but you know who you are. :)**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. But you know, I think that's what you like about it...dirty peeps. :D**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Epilogue - Forever and Ever and Ever … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

Time is a funny thing. Sometimes it seems as though minutes can take years to pass. Other times, it seems as though years pass by in only minutes.

My mother and I tend to my flower beds, the ones along the front of our house. The house I love, with the grass, and the neighbors, and plenty of rooms, and the tire swing hanging from the back yard tree, and the puppy, running wildly behind a small herd of children. Our children.

Hearing them squeal, laugh, love one another makes me think back over the time it's taken us to get here.

Claire is 14, it's been seven years since we married, since Garrett was born.

His delivery was good, uncomplicated. It wasn't until a few days later that the problems started. More bleeding than I was used to, more pain than I'd had before, more tears and sadness when the doctor told us.

Hysterectomy. There would be no more babies for us, no more little Edward's or Bella's joining our family.

I cried for weeks, so much sobbing that often times my eyes were dry of tears, yet I still cried. You held me, comforted me, assured me that it didn't matter, you were happy.

I tried to be okay, to enjoy the children we did have. I kept up with my school classes, kept on track. You helped, our mother's helped, even Mrs. Cope, when she wasn't traveling the country with Liam, helped. By the time Garrett was two, I was ready to graduate, go to work.

I couldn't imagine leaving him. I'd done it with Claire, I had to, but with Garrett...I couldn't.

Your job was picking up, taking you away on more and more business trips. Advertising is a busy business, especially when the firm you work for is one of the most popular in your region. And when you are their wonderboy. Which you are, of course. But you love it, it makes you happy.

And I try as hard as I can to keep the memories of another husband's business trips from creeping into my head. I know you're not him, you'd never do to me what he did.

Still sometimes, when I'm alone at night, and remembering the pretty young woman that just joined your team, recalling the longing glances she casts your way, I worry.

How long could you possibly love someone so much older than you?

How long will my body hold out? My looks?

Will you get bored with me when I want to eat dinner at four in the afternoon and use my senior citizen discount for the early bird meal?

They say children keep you young. Maybe that's the trick, because I don't feel older than you, but I know it's there. Waiting to pounce on me.

As I place another pot of daisies into the ground, Alex's car pulls up. He's home from class, living with us while he attends the university.

Jacob didn't believe me when I said I'd see him in court. He thought no judge would ever listen to me. He underestimated me and the amazing attorney your father found for us.

The judge thought it was interesting, our divorce papers. How things were done. He was ready to award joint custody and then he spoke to Kim and Alex. They were old enough to decide who they wanted to live with. They both chose us, our home. With all those extra bedrooms, we had plenty of space, and it was Christmas time when we moved them in.

Jacob hates me, I can tell each time I have to see him.

I don't care.

He can rot in Hell for all the things he's done to me. The only good thing he ever did was give me my children. For them, I'd live my life again the same way. But only for them.

Leah and Paul are happy, with a little girl that just turned three. I see her sometimes, for coffee or shopping. It's not often, but sometimes. We're working on things, getting there. We want it, and that's what makes the difference.

She's been to counseling, I've been to counseling. We're past the "why" of what I did, neither of us really worried about the answer to that. Now we're on to the "how" of fixing things.

I know that our family will never spend Thanksgiving's around the table, laughing and talking, enjoying each other. We'll never have giant family birthday parties, everyone singing and eating cake.

And that's okay.

We have what works for us, and it's good. It's positive. It's hopeful.

We'll be okay.

When Garrett started preschool, I found a job with the children's services department. Assessing the health and welfare of at risk children. That's how we found them.

One trip to a scary neighborhood, one knock on a broken, kicked in door, one look around a filthy house with crack pipes and cocaine lines on the kitchen table, and they were ours.

Foster care wasn't something we'd ever considered, but when we saw Peter, Maggie, and Ben, we didn't think twice. They were six, four, and three. Maggie and Garrett only a few months apart in age. They blended into our family perfectly, and a year later, after a fatal overdose by their father and the loss of parental rights for their mother, I asked you. Begged.

"Can we keep them forever?"

As always, you smiled. "Absolutely," is all you said, before wrapping me up in your arms and kissing me silly.

Their adoption went through without too many problems, and now their last name is Cullen, not whatever it was before. They don't remember, so neither do I.

Looking across the street, I smile, seeing your mother on her front porch swing, talking to Claire. It didn't take them long to pack up and move away from our home town, just the off handed comment about the house across from ours going up for sale.

The church went into hysterics when rumors started flying about Jacob and his history. First it was anger over my return, the appalling thought that I'd take their beloved reverend's children away. Then realization that you were Claire's father, and your mother was ostracized from the bittie's. She didn't care, taking the opportunity to fill them in on the extra curricular activities of one Reverend Black.

No one believed it, until word got around to Old Man Stanley. He sang like a canary, tales of a quiet abortion that his daughter underwent, paid for by Jake. Vindication felt good, and I smiled a little brighter as I fell asleep that night.

My children still see him, he's their father. I don't ever want them to hate him, not the way I do. That wouldn't be good for them, healthy. But now they know, they know the truth about my life with him, why I did the things I did. They don't blame me, not even Seth. Though he still doesn't come around, doesn't want to see me, he told me once that he gets it, that he doesn't blame me anymore. That he still hurts, can't forget it.

I understand that.

My life will never be perfect, not the kind of perfect I'd like it to be. I'm at peace with that. I have to be. I can't change it, so why cry over it? I've spent too many years crying. I'm done. I want to be happy, to enjoy things.

My parents are getting older, in their 70's now. Things are touch and go with them sometimes, but I know they love me, respect you, adore our children. Hearing our son's talk of fishing trips with Grandpa Swan makes me happy, fills me with delight. Reminds me of my childhood, long hours spent in silence in a row boat in the middle of a lake. Fishing. Seeing his smile as I reeled in a trout that was too small to keep, but made me giddy anyhow.

I tried over and over to talk them into moving closer, be nearer to us, so that we wouldn't have a two hour drive between us. They won't, not yet. The best fishing hole is close to their house. My mother's gardening club would fall apart without her.

Maybe someday soon they'll leave, come closer. I can hope, anyway.

It's late once I finally have the children fed, bathed, homework finished, and tucked into bed. The house is quiet and I wait for you, knowing you'll be home soon. Television doesn't interest me. My needlepoint is almost done, I'll save it for another day. Cookies are baked, cooling on the counter. I sit in silence, in a dimly lit room, waiting.

Then I hear it, the sounds that makes my heart lurch, try to climb out of my chest. The garage door opening, the purr of your car's engine, the slamming of the trunk, the turn of the door handle, the clack of your shoes on the wood flooring. You, back in our house, coming to me.

"Hey baby, you waited up?" you say, dropping your suitcase on the floor, your garment bag and briefcase next to them.

I smile. "Of course I did, I always do, don't I?"

Crossing the living room, you sit heavily next to me, your body exhausted, I can tell. You head leans back on the sofa, your eyes closing as your hand rubs across your forehead.

"How'd things go? Did I miss anything?"

I curl into your side, feeling your arm wrap around my shoulders. "No, it was good. My mom helped me with the flower beds. Your mom took Claire shopping for a dress for the Daddy/Daughter dance at school. Other than that, just quiet, normal."

"The dance is this weekend?" you ask, trying to remember.

"Yep, Saturday. You're home, right?" She's excited. She has the "Hot Dad" at school, the one all her friends will want to dance with Saturday night. I'm sure your dance card will be full, and you'll be embarrassed. But you'll love Claire's pride in you being there, with her.

You sigh. "Yeah, I'm here."

We sit, silent, still, content. At peace.

It's a feeling I don't know if I'll ever get used to. I wanted it, dreamed of it for so long, and always thought I'd never get it. But now it's here, it's mine, I have it, and I'll never take it for granted.

"I'm a little nervous about Saturday," you say, shifting a bit.

"Why?" I'm curious. It's just a dance with your daughter. You've done it before, what's there to be nervous about?

"Well, what if I forget how to dance? Maybe I should practice. You know anyone who might help me with that?"

A smile creeps across my face, my lips turning up at your slyness.

"I know someone..."

I stand, pulling on your hand and taking you to the middle of the room. I can see how tired you are, your eye lids heavy, and yet you push it aside...for me.

Your arms wrap around my waist, mine around your neck. There's no music, no tune or melody, but we sway together, you humming into my ear as our bodies reconnect, alive in the closeness we've both been missing for days.

"I love you, my Bella," you whisper into my ear, your lips kissing me, sucking gently on the soft skin of my neck.

"I love you, too."

We move, dancing, feeling, until you lift me, carry me to our room. With the door closed, the darkness surrounding us, clothes come off, hitting the floor. You lay me on the bed, hovering over me, kissing my neck, my chest, my face. I feel you hard and so ready, and I want you. I need you. Your breath hisses out as my fingers wrap around you, leading you to where I want you most.

I pull you down onto me, letting you fill me completely as we move together, our bond never more solid and sure than it is today. It gets better, closer, as time goes on. I think it will always be this way for us. As we both tumble into ecstasy, panting and moaning, I feel it.

Love.

Safety.

Security.

Desire.

All the things I dreamed of having one day. And I know, looking at you in the moonlight that streams through our window, that I've found it all with you.

Your lips are soft on mine as you kiss me, over and over and over again. Never stopping, even though I know how tired you are. I let you, not ever wanting to discourage you. I can see it in your eyes, the love, devotion, need you have for me. I hope you see it in mine.

It's always been there, since the first moment I saw you in his church, as you stood at the front of the room alongside the other altar boys. Never did I think that one look, that one moment would lead to all of this. I was so lost, so broken and alone, and in that one gaze, my whole world changed. Shifted. Righted itself.

So much heartache and pain we've lived through, suffered through. So much joy and happiness, too.

Your tongue twirls with mine as you lie atop me, pressing me down, keeping me here as my soul longs to float away on the happiness it feels. Happiness that I thought was never possible, never meant for me.

And just like those old times, when we'd sneak away, caught up in one another, this moment is perfect. Right. Everything I need and all consuming.

It's you. You were always meant for me. Forever and ever and ever, we'll be us, together. There's no other option. You're it for me.

You're the one I want. The one I love. My soul knows it, my heart, too. You're my harbor, my home, my safety, my life.

It's at the feet of your soul, your love, your perfection that I'll always kneel, always pray.

You were once forbidden to me, not allowed. I didn't listen, didn't care. My spirit knew what it needed, and it called to you, went to you.

And it was right.

We were right.

We still are, always will be.

As you push into me the last few times, stilling, shaking, I fall with you. Fighting back the tears that always seem to come when we're like this, together, loving and so close. Your eyes stare into mine, and I can't stop. Wetness slips down my face, into my hair, and your lips move to kiss it away, just like you always do.

Seeing the love you have for me, feeling it in action, is empowering, consuming, lifting. Your eyes tell me everything I'll ever need to know, every feeling you feel, every dream you dream, every desire you desire, every want you want. Everything.

It's kindness.

It's devotion.

It's hope.

It's need.

It's love.

It's eternal.

And it is at the altar of our endless love that I find myself on my knees, my heart in my hands, alive in perfection...where it is you that I will forever worship.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Thank you. So much. I can never say it enough. :)**

**See you in the outtakes.**

**One more time, because I love and miss my Bratty Vamp so much...**

**Reviews are better than perfect lives. Though they could never compare to how you all have made me feel.**

**Leave one.**


	62. Outtake One  Birthday

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would have made sure I finished and posted this on Friday, when it was _KennedyNicoleCullen's_ birthday. As it was, I spent too much time watching him be all pretty and perfect. Though...I don't regret that. :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I suck, and I tried to get it preread, but all my girlies have lives that don't revolve around me. And I'm impatient... :D**

**This is for my wifey, _Mrs.__Robward_. She likes the same good hair smelling stuff I do. We'd be such good roommates, sharing each others hair stuff. :D**

**Thanks to _Luxure _&_ EdwardsBloodType_ for prereading this. At least I think they did. Like I said...busy girls. :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. And this outtake is naughty. And LONG. You know I'm wordy. They won't all be this big. :) Welcome to how things all began... :)**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Outtake One - Birthday … Bella …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

I see you across the room. Standing alone, but with her. With your friends. Happy, smiling, laughing.

I want that. I don't have it. I don't remember the last time I did. If there ever was a time. There must have been, but I can't remember it.

I know your birthday was last week, Leah made you cup cakes. I helped her frost them. Get the green coloring just right. She wanted green for your eyes.

I suggested that.

This church dance has been planned for months, the bitties needing something to focus on, other than gossip. The punch and cookie table looks wonderful. I know your mother's cookies are delicious. I had one.

Or seven.

He is busy keeping up appearances, congratulating senior citizens who have managed to stay alive one more year, quieting down the loud and obnoxious children. He doesn't acknowledge I'm here, other than an occasional glare my way when he spots Leah hanging on you.

There have probably been more than a few glares, but I missed them. I was too busy watching you. Being jealous of her.

You had sex with her on your birthday, she told me. She didn't want to, but she was bleeding after, she had questions. I don't think you were her first, I didn't ask. I don't want to know. What I know already is too much, more than I need. I don't know what to do with it.

You flirt every time you're near me. I know you like me. I've pushed you away, thought it was a silly school boy crush. Last night made me doubt that.

Leah invited you over, to watch television, to hang out. You offered to help me in the kitchen with dessert. Leah thought it was stupid, you were trying to be nice. At least that's what she thought.

I was in the pantry, trying to reach a new bottle of hot fudge, on the top shelf. On my tiptoes I stood, my fingers brushing the edge of the shelf. Suddenly, there you were...behind me. Around me. Enveloping me.

"I'll get that," you whispered, your mouth against my ear, your hand grazing my hip.

The bottle was in your right hand, resting on the shelf. You stood still behind me, your chest pressed against my back. No space between us, tight.

"Edward?" I asked, nervous, unsure.

"You know I like you, right?" you said as your nose traced the shell of my ear.

A breath rushed from my lungs, my hand grabbing at the edge of the shelf in front of me. You couldn't mean it, there was just no way.

"Be realistic, this is just some silly teenage boy crush or a bet or something, right?" I said, my voice soft, shaking.

You paused, a growl sounding from your throat. "No, it's not. Can't you see that? Why do you keep pushing me away, don't you see how much I want you?"

You pushed your hips against my ass. Hardness. Long and hard and forceful. I wondered, what would that feel like? In my hand, in my mouth, in my body? Images of you pushing into me from behind begin to pound through my head, and I had to stop, make myself not think them.

"Leah's my daughter, I'm a married 34 year old woman. What could you possibly want with me? How could this possibly be real for you?" I asked, needing to know, to hear it from you. Hoping you'd tell me it was a mistake, a crush, an error in judgment.

"It's not my fault that I met her first," you said. "I don't want to hurt her, but..." Your hot breath floated across my neck, my eyelids closing at the feel of it. The tingle it caused in me.

It had been so long...so long since I felt that way.

"I don't have the strength, to stay away from you anymore," you whispered, you lips pressing lightly against my skin.

I fought, fought the feelings that were beginning to consume me. To overwhelm me.

"You can't...I don't..."

"What, Bella?" you whispered, your tongue dragging across my goosebumped skin.

"You'll break me." My voice, so soft and quiet, barely more than a whisper. You had to know, I wasn't stable. Wasn't prepared for this. Wouldn't be able to handle it when you finally left me, broke me. And you would...eventually. Once you figured out how much more you should have than me.

Your hands grabbed my hips, spun me around to face you. I couldn't look up, keeping my eyes on your chest instead.

"Bella?" you whispered, lifting my face with your finger under my chin. "I could never hurt you, you know that, right? Please tell me you know that."

Your eyes were so green, so dark and honest and true. I could see myself in them, us. Forever. I wanted it, more than anything. It had been so long since anyone had made me feel that way. That powerful. That vulnerable.

"Please, don't hurt me."

"I'd die first." Your face dipped lower, your nose even with mine, rubbing back and forth.

When your lips touched mine, there was a flash through my body. Warmth, light, lust, joy...home. It was everything I'd been missing, living without. Finally, in that moment, as I pressed my lips harder against yours, felt yours move and suck lightly at mine, I felt loved. Cherished. Wanted.

It was everything. The start of my life. And at the same time, the end of everything I knew. That was the moment it all began for me. And now as I stand here in this room, watching you with her, watching him with everyone, I know what I want.

You.

From the corner of my eye I see him, he glances around before ducking into a doorway, closing the door behind him. I'm curious, and several moments later, with shifting eyes and a smirking smile, his secretary follows his path.

As if I needed any more proof of what he is. Of what they're doing. Of what he thinks he's entitled to get away with. He's such a cheat. A fake. It gives me the shot of courage I desperately need.

I stare at you, waiting until you look my way. My children are all occupied, busy with friends, neighbors, bitties. When you see me, there's no smile on my face, no guilt in my eyes. Only lust. Want. Need.

And you know instantly what I want. My eyes close as I smile, turning toward the door. When I reach it, I look back, checking to be sure you're watching me. To make sure you'll follow me. My teeth press into my lower lip and I pause, catching your eye again, before I slip out the door.

It's dark out, evening, but there are street lights, parking lot lights, exteriors building lights. I follow the sidewalk for a ways, and just as I turn left, toward the back of the building, I see you move through the doorway.

This is really happening.

I jog to the corner, stepping against the wall where I wait for you. My breathing picks up, and not just because of my rush to get here quickly, be ready, waiting for you. Above me is a window, slightly open, and I hear noises coming from it. I know it's his office, and the grunting, groaning, slapping sounds are familiar. He's fucking her. I'm not an idiot.

"Bella?" you say, a little louder than I'd like.

"Shhh," my finger over my mouth. Just like I do when my children are too noisy. I point up, directing your eyes to the open panes of glass. You slow as you approach me, listening. I can see the moment you realize what is happening. Your eyes grow wide, shocked. Then anger fills them.

"Is that him?" you whisper, and I nod. "How can he do this to you? I mean...you, of all people? Doesn't he know what he has?"

You're so close to me, your hand tracing down the side of my face, my cheek.

"He doesn't care anymore."

"I would," you say. Stepping even closer, your forehead presses against mine. Your breath washes over my face, your eyes staring into me.

"Promise?" I ask, needing one more assurance from you.

"Promise."

Your lips are soft, gentle against mine. You know what you're doing. I wonder if you'd consider me a good kisser. It's been so long since he really kissed me. Is it like riding a bike? I mean, they say once you learn, you never forget. I wonder if that's true, and if it's the same with kissing. I hope it is.

You pull away a bit, your lips moving to my cheek, my jaw, my neck. My hand is in your hair, the ends of it tickling my fingers. You grasp at my waist, lifting one hand to my face and turning my head to the side, granting you more access. Letting you deeper into me.

"I'm sorry," I say.

"For what?" you moan as you lick, bite at my skin.

"For not being a better kisser. It's just been such a long time..."

Your mouth against my ear, your breath hot. "He doesn't kiss you?" I shake my head. "He really is an idiot, isn't he?" you say with a laugh.

"I'll get better, I'll try."

You shift back, your eyes meeting mine again. "Bella, I don't think you could ever be a bad kisser. It's more about how two people get along, if they compliment each others kissing styles. And I, for one, think we compliment each other pretty well. Don't you?"

I smile. For being so young, you're so smart. Insightful.

"Come on, I have something for your birthday." I grab your hand that's on my waist, lacing our fingers together before I step away from the building, rounding the corner where it's darker. Quieter. More private. I want away from that window, from anyone walking along and seeing us. I want time with you, even if it's just a few moments.

At the back of the building, I find a break in the low shrubs that line the sidewalk and pull you between them, against the wall. Your back is flat with the siding, your eyes wide and watching me. I move to kiss you, letting my tongue slide across your lips and into your open mouth. The sound emanating from your chest spurs me on, and I push against you, harder, more determined, focused.

After a few minutes of kissing, getting familiar with you, your body, your abilities, my hand moves across your hip, toward the hardness that's pressed against my belly. You stiffen when I palm you, my fingers caressing the softness I feel just under your cock.

"Bella?" you ask, unsure, uncertain.

"Is this okay?" I know you've had sex, so I'm fairly certain this has been done to you before.

"Yeah, if you're sure."

You're big, much bigger than he is, and as my hand slides up and down, I begin to plan out how I'll do this. Leaning back from you, our eyes meet again.

"You want your present?" I ask, my tongue wetting my lips.

"I thought this was my present."

I smirk. "No, not yet."

My hands move to the button on your jeans. As I flick it open, your eyes close. "No way, seriously?" you ask.

"Is it okay?"

You nod, mumbling something under your breath. I can't make out your words, but from the low tone of your voice, I think they must be good.

The zipper slides down easily and I pull apart the two pieces of denim, pushing them away just enough so that I can get to the elastic waistband of your underwear. Glancing down, I watch as your cock springs free of it's confinement, staring in awe at how beautiful you are. How perfect every bit of you is. Every bit that I've seen so far, anyway. And I intend to see every square inch some day.

My fingers wrap around your length, moving up and down slowly, tightly. You moan, swallowing deeply, your neck muscles strained. A bead of precum glistens on the head of you, and my thumb swipes over it, spreading it around your tip. I want to taste it.

Looking at your face once more, I see your head fallen back against the building, your eyes still closed. My hand keeps stroking as I fall to my knees in front of you.

"Bella..."

I look up, your hungry eyes staring down at me.

"Happy birthday," I say, then flick my tongue out to lick you, leaving a long path along the underside of your cock. The salty, bitter taste of cum on the tip is still there, and I wrap my hand around the base of your shaft before wrapping my lips around the head.

You groan louder, and I plunge you into my mouth, you hitting the back of my throat easily, causing me to gag a little. I'm in shock, barely half of you is in me, and I'm already full. He can be fully erect and in my mouth, and I still have room left. Again, I wonder what it would be like to have you buried in my pussy, and the thought makes me feel wild.

Up and down you I move, listening to the sounds you make, feeling your hips flex as you try to slowly, gently pump into me. I watch you, your face as you look at me, then look away, then close your eyes.

"Baby, oh fuck."

I laugh a bit, pleased with what I'm able to do to you. I scrape my teeth along your soft, silky skin, smiling when your fist pounds against the wall.

I can't help it anymore, and I reach down to my thigh, lifting the edge of my dress. My fingers feel the dampness on my panties, and push under the stretchy fabric, rubbing along the pebbled skin there. The sticky wetness makes me feel naughty, bad, and I push circles into the most sensitive part of me.

Sliding up and down your length, I see you notice what I'm doing to myself, and soon your hands are on the back of my head, pulling and pushing as you thrust and pump into me. I want it harder, faster, but you're careful. Even though you're forceful. I trust you, for some reason, though I hardly know you. It feels like I've known you forever. I want to know you forever.

"Oh fuck, fuck, fuck...baby." Words fall from your lips as your dick continues to pass back and forth through mine. "Yes, that feels so good..." My fingers move faster on me, in me, my fist strokes harder, tighter around you. "Take it baby, you dirty girl..." We go and go and go...not able to stop. "Take my cock, suck it." Not wanting to end, ever. "Ah fuck..."

"Bella, oh baby," you say, your words strained. I can feel you tighten, I know you're close. My clit is screaming in exuberance, my stomach muscles beginning to tighten. I want you to cum in my mouth, I want to swallow you. I look up, meeting your eyes one more time. "Oh fuck, I'm close, I can pull out."

I shake my head, clamping down harder on you, and you let out a grunt. A long groan, and I feel hot spurts in my mouth, juices filling my cheeks. I try to swallow fast, but you fill me with both your cum and your dick. I keep my eyes on yours, willing myself to relax, to take you all in for as long I can have you.

My fingers keep circling, twisting and soon I'm exploding. My breath sharp and ragged. I freeze, still swallowing the last few drops of you.

Licking up your shaft, I clean you off, letting you watch my tongue lazily rub against you a few more times. Your fingers, still in my hair, are softly moving, massaging the skin. My hand pulls out of my panties, joins my other hand in lifting your underwear, zipping you back into your jeans.

You help me stand, your hands under my arms, lifting me up. Before I realize what your doing, my fingers are in your mouth and you're tasting me, savoring me. Once you've feasted on every drop of me, you let my fingers fall, then pull my mouth to yours. We kiss, tasting ourselves and the mix of us. It's the sweetest taste of sin and heaven, both at the same time. It's what I want forever and ever. I'll never get enough of you.

Once your clothes are straightened, my knees are brushed off, you hold me. Hug me to you, your heart beat echoing through your chest, into mine. I feel so safe in your arms, so loved and wanted. The thought of letting you go makes my heart hurt, but I know this won't be the end of us. It will be hard, and tricky, and risky, and wrong, but I want it. It's worth it, if I get you when all is said and done. I'll risk anything, everything...for you.

"Are you coming to the Fourth of July bar-b-que next week?" I ask, hoping for another chance to see you.

"I don't know, maybe."

"I'll tell Leah to invite you, I'll find a way for us to slip away, I promise."

Your eyes tell me everything neither of us is saying. You hate this as much as I do, the parting. The leaving. The lying we'll have to do.

"Next time I taste you, okay?" you say, a crooked smile on your face.

"Okay," I answer, pulling your lips to mine for one last kiss. One more before I let you go.

"Thank you, Bella. This was the best birthday present ever,"

I giggle, remembering your face when my lips first wrapped around your cock. "You're welcome. It was my pleasure."

Our fingers lace, connect, touch as you pull away, smiling while you walk backwards. Back to your real life. Away from me.

"Bye, baby," you whisper, blowing me a kiss before you round the corner and leave me alone.

In the silence, I stand against the wall, looking at the forest beyond the parking lot in front of me. A smile consumes my face, and I'm powerless to stop it. I feel 16 again, happy, giddy, light. Completely and totally wicked, sinful. I don't care, I love being with you, I want it always, I need it. Now that I've had a taste of you, I'll never be able to give you up. I'll always crave you, want you, love you.

Smoothing my hair down, I pull a piece of gum from the pack in the pocket of my skirt. Not that he will notice my cum breath, but I do have to talk to people, including my children. I practically float along the sidewalk, back into the church, thinking about the next time I'll be with you. Plotting ideas for us to be alone.

Thinking I need to include pineapple juice and some fruit in my menu...

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: In case you didn't know, what a guy eats, or drinks, affects the taste of his...well...you know. If he eats fruits and vegi's it's supposed to taste sweeter. If he eats meat, potatoes, and starches, it's supposed to be bitter. At the risk of TMI...yeah, my hubs needs to change his diet. :D I'll add a little list to the FB secret group for this story...in case any of you need tips. I may also forward it on to my hubs... :D If you want to be admitted, find me on FB. BeegurlThirteen FanFiction. :)**

**More outtakes are in the works. Keep this baby alerted. :)**

**Reviews are better than belated birthday presents.**

**Leave one.**


	63. Outtake Two Second Christmas Together

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be spending Christmas with me...in my bed...while my hubs and kids open presents in the living room. What? I know what they all got, who do you think bought & wrapped all those suckers? :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. But you're probably too full of Christmas Cheer to really care. :D**

**This is for _kitkat681_. She asked me, bribed me with future chapters of her story _Shattered Pieces._ If you've read any of that, you KNOW why I jumped at the chance to get a peek at what's coming. Oh man...it's so good! :D This is also for _Fran Richards_ and _BloodRedLust_, who both wanted to see a Christmas early on in Edward and Bella's life together.**

**This story is for my wifey, _Mrs. Robward. _She wraps the candy in her kids' stockings. Anyone else, I'd think they were crazy, but with her...it just makes sense. :D**

**Thanks to _Luxure _&_ EdwardsBloodType _for prereading this. Well, I SENT it to them. Who knows if they read it. :D They have, like...lives, so you know. :D Oh, and _EBT_ made the CUTEST little reindeer cakepops. There were pictures on FB. She's so crazy talented. :D**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. But hey, if you're into the whole Naughty Elf and Dirty Talking Santa thing, then this is the smutty outtake for you! :D Oh, and by the by, I posted a picture of Bella's outfit on the Facebook Worship Group. It's buried in a thread, so I'll post it again...just so it's easier to find. :D If you're not a member, you can friend me (BeegurlThirteen FanFiction) on there and ask me to let you in. I'll totally do it. :D It's a secret group...no one ever has to know... Well, other than the rest of us girls there. :D**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

… **Outtake Two – Second Christmas Together … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

The roads are empty, quiet, frozen over as I drive home. Home to you.

It's Christmas Eve, but since I'm the new man on the travel team at work, I got sent away. At least it was sunny and warm in Las Vegas. It still didn't dull my pain of missing you.

It's hard to believe it's been a year and a half since we moved into this house. Since we got married. Since my dreams came true.

The past year has been difficult, to say the least. Last year ended with Garrett's birth, the day after Christmas. The new year started with your hysterectomy, my worry of losing you. It continued with your sadness, depression, so many people helping us. We needed it, though I hated having to ask.

I only had so much time I could take from work to be with you. It broke my heart to leave you my first day back. You cried and cried in the shower, begging me to stay just one more day, that you'd be better by the next day, but I couldn't. Luckily, Mrs. Cope was there, she helped you, cared for you, comforted you while I was gone.

It was pointless for me to work that day. I got nothing done. It was too hard to accomplish anything since I was calling the house every five minutes, Googling mental health services near us, trying to figure out a way to get more time off work, but still pay the bills.

After a couple weeks, you were better. Even smiling, laughing. I tried every day to assure you, I had everything I needed. We had a beautiful daughter and a healthy, happy son. And I had you. What more could I ever need?

As summer approached, we had court dates. Jacob was so sure of himself, that he'd beat you. Again. The lawyer he hired was a joke, a friend of a friend. He was nothing compared to the attorney my father found for us.

We'd had a few visits with your kids, Kim and Alex. They were always short, always us going to them, always Jacob or his sad wife somewhere nearby. Finally, after that first court appearance, we had real visitations. Legal, court appointed visits, in our home.

The first time they stayed over, you slept with them both on the living room floor. I laughed as I turned out the light, seeing how happy you were, you laying in between them. I had thought with Alex being 15, he'd have wanted some privacy, or at least not to be slumber partying it up with his mom and 17 year old sister, but I was wrong. I could see how much he loved you, had missed you.

It made me happy.

As the fall progressed, and the kids got more comfortable with us, Jacob got scared. Worried. He tried to prove we were unfit, we were negligent, we were only after money. The judge laughed in his face. He had no proof. Nothing real, anyway.

When the judge asked the kids where they wanted to live, we were all shocked when they both said us. Our house. Kim was a senior in high school, Alex a sophomore. Would they really want to pick up, at the beginning of a new school year, and move away? Leave everything behind?

They did, though we convinced them to stay through the end of the semester.

School got out on Friday, and they were on our doorstep Friday night, suitcases, boxes, and all. It was perfect.

Then this fucking trip to Vegas came up. Out of no where. The biggest client, my ass. I had no choice, so Saturday morning I left you home, with four kids, as I flew off to support our family. I took comfort in the fact that I knew you needed the time with them, just you alone.

Claire was so happy. She'd always wanted a sister, and when we initially told her about your other children, she didn't really understand. Not until they started coming to stay with us. She followed Kim around like a little puppy, while looking up to Alex like he's a rock star or something. It's amazing to see the love between them, and it makes me happy.

Pulling into the driveway, I can see that the fresh snow's been shoveled away. I'm glad, hoping it wasn't you who did it. The snow on my parent's driveway across the street is gone, too. They just moved in a few months ago, and I hope and pray every day that they don't turn into Frank and Marie from that "Everybody Loves Raymond" show you love to watch. They'd drive us both crazy if they did.

Our lights are twinkling along the edge of the roof, the long icicle ones that you wanted, mixed with the blinking colored ones that Kim and Claire insisted on. Through the window I can see the tree is still lit, waiting to welcome me home.

For a moment I hope I find you under it. Wrapped in nothing but a bow. That's the only gift I need this year.

But I know that's not possible, not with two teenagers in the house. I learned that lesson rather quickly. They hear more than I thought they would. It only took one quiet breakfast, with whispered giggles between them, for us to figure it out.

I guess it was a good segue into the birds and bees talk. Though we had to explain some of the yelling and cursing that they'd heard.

I'd never seen you blush so much.

And it turned me the fuck on. Which was completely inappropriate. But I couldn't help it.

The house is quiet, dark as I walk in. The smells that waft through the air almost make me hit my knees. It's so good.

I can tell you've been baking.

I love your baking.

Although I don't love the 12 pounds I've gained over the past year and a half. I need to renew my gym membership. Even though I know you'll fight me about it. You seem to enjoy the "love handles" I'm starting to grow.

Silly woman.

I round the corner, into the living room, and it's then that I see you. Snuggled up on the sofa, your quilt around you, fast asleep. There's a plate of cookies and a glass of milk on the coffee table, with a note written in an eight year old's handwriting. She's so excited for Santa, I'm surprised you were able to get her into bed.

I want to wake you, kiss you, tell you I love you and Merry Christmas, but I don't. I watch you, memorizing—yet again—every inch of you. Your hair, how shiny it is. Your cheeks, how pink they are. Your lips, how soft they are. Your hands, how loving they are. Everything about you is amazing, perfect.

"You just gonna stand there and look at me all night or what?" I hear you say, your voice soft and low.

I look up, catching your eyes, seeing you smile.

"I can't help it. Looks like Santa left me a present, and I'm trying to imagine what it'll look like when I get it unwrapped."

You giggle, laughing at my attempt to woo you.

"Well, I can help you find out, if you want. Though I think he may have left some prettier wrapping somewhere else. Maybe I should go find it..."

I smile. Thoughts of you in something red, satiny, lacy... And I'm hard.

"The kids asleep?" I ask, needing to know before I let things get too far gone.

"Yep, a couple hours now. I know they're really out."

I smile and help you up, pulling you against me as I kiss you and kiss you and kiss you.

I can never stop with just one.

My hands move to cover your ass, squeezing it as I press my hard cock against your belly, letting you feel what you do to me.

"Go find that wrapping, I'll get these lights turned out."

You run off, a smile on your face.

The gifts are stacked around the tree, waiting for children to tear into them. I'm excited for Christmas morning. Not since I was a little boy, have I been this excited. Seeing our children gathered around our living room, laughing and talking and loving each other... It's more than I ever dreamed we'd have.

Turning off the lights, the house pitch black, I walk down the hall, wondering what you have planned. Once the door is locked and I'm in the room, you enter from the bathroom, and my heart skips a beat.

The kids had better be asleep, because the things I plan to do to you tonight would scar them for life.

And I don't give one shit about it.

You're wearing this red dress thing, with white fluffy stuff on your breasts. As you walk, I see your little silky panties flashing through the opening of the dress.

"I've been a very bad girl this year, Santa. I might need a spanking." Your finger goes to your mouth and you bite it, looking so coy and fuckable, I almost jump on you.

"Maybe Santa should decide for himself, don't you think? Are you my naughty little elf?" I ask.

You bat your eyelashes. "So naughty. And dirty."

My arm reaches out, fingers tracing along your shoulder, arm, to your hip. I pull you to me, letting my other hand push inside the dress, to your waist, where I grip your skin tight.

"Don't pull on these strings, Santa," you say, lifting a long, red tie with a white puff ball on the end of it. "If you do, my top will just pop right open, and my tits will bounce out. It would be so bad..."

I smile, grabbing the strand and tugging it a little. "You mean like this?"

"Oh, Santa...you're a naughty boy, aren't you?" you coo, your hand rubbing along my chest. Down, down, down until you're cupping me, rubbing your palm against my rock hard length.

"You have no idea of the dirty thoughts running through my head," I say, watching as the tie comes undone on your shirt, and the pieces spread apart a little bit.

I can see the crevice between your breasts, and I want to run my tongue through it.

When I pull it a little harder, the fabric moves more. Sure enough, your tits pop out, and I'm greeted by rosy, pink nipples. So hard, puckered. My hand can't stay away, and I rub my thumb over one, squeezing the other with my other hand.

Your head lulls back, my mouth moving to your neck.

"Uh, Santa, you don't know how much I've wanted you, how sexy you are," you moan, my lips attached to your skin, collarbones.

Your fingers move through my hair as your other hand slides up and down my cock, before quickly undoing my belt, button, zipper.

The cold skin of your fingers startles me for a second as your hand glides into my boxers, wrapping around my dick and stroking. Down and up, down and up. A little twist, and I'm moving my lips to yours.

Our tongues meet, tangling, tasting, dancing as we touch and whimper and love.

Before long, your dress thing is on the floor and you're only wearing little red panties and very high, very pointy red heels. You work over the buttons on my shirt, ridding me of it, then help me out of my pants.

"Santa," you croon into my ear.

"What do you want, Naughty Elf?" I ask between the wet kisses I'm placing all over your chest.

"Can I sit on your lap and tell you all the things I want for Christmas?"

I smile. "You want to sit on my lap, huh? I think that can be arranged."

Every time we have sex, I'm grateful for the chair you insisted we put in our bedroom. I didn't see the point of it, until the first time you rode me in it. And then the next time I bent you over the back of it. Now, it's one of my favorite places. I think I might buy you another one, just because.

I lead you to the chair, watching as you grab the waistband of my underwear and pull them down. Once I'm naked, I sit down, wondering if we should have this chair cleaned again. We fuck here a lot.

You straddle my waist, still wearing your red undies.

"You want Santa to help you take those off?" I ask, grabbing at the little ties on one side.

"Mmmmm, no, not yet, Santa. I want to feel your fingers inside of them, feel you pushing them to the side, like you just can't wait to be inside of me. I want to ride you while I have my panties on," you whisper against my ear, your hot breath on my skin.

A growl burns through my chest, and I grab you, pulling your chest against me, your lips to mine so I can kiss you, force my tongue into your mouth.

"Oh fuck yes, baby," I whisper as you grind onto my hard, waiting cock. Your finger runs over the tip of me, feeling the bead of cum that's there.

You still as you raise your hand to your mouth, your tongue reaching out to lick the taste of me from your fingertip. "Mmmmmm, yeah," you moan, your eyes sliding closed.

I can't wait any longer, and I reach down to your pussy, pushing the silky material aside and plunging my fingers into you. You're so wet and ready for me, like always. I line us up, and then I'm inside of you, thrusting up as you bounce in my lap. Your tits shake in front of my face while your head drops back.

One hand is grasping your hip, the other hand is splayed out across your chest, feeling your heartbeat, touching the muscles in your neck, groping your breasts as they jerk up and down. You lean back, bracing your hands on my thighs as you moan, sigh, hum in delight.

"Oh Santa, yes, Santa. Oh yes, like that Santa. Oh yes!" Your voice gets louder and louder, more lust ridden, as I pound harder and harder into you.

My hand that's been on your chest moves down, finds your clit, and starts to rub. Little circles, over and over and over again. I can tell you're close, and I know I am, too. I've been away from you for four days. This is just what happens when I go that long without being inside of you.

"Oh yes!" you yell, "Santa, yes!" as your body starts to shake, move erratically over me. I let go, remember what you looked like when I watched you dance the first time. How you're still just as beautiful now as you were then. How much more I love you now than I did then.

And I'm cumming, falling over the edge with you. Letting out grunts and groans and gasps. Not nearly as sexy as you sound, but you seem to like it.

We're still for a few moments, catching our breath, and then you curl into me, your head in the crook of my neck, my arms around your waist.

"Merry Christmas, baby," I softly say, kissing you lightly on your head.

"Merry Christmas," you whisper, lifting your head to kiss me, a sweet, soft, tender kiss. "Come to bed with me."

And I do. Just like always. As if you'd have to ask.

We wake up early, thanks to the banging of fists on our door by a very excited little girl.

"Get up! Get up!" she yells to us. We hear her footsteps running up and down the hall, waking up everyone else in the house.

You groan when you hear Garrett start to cry.

"I can't believe he'll be a year old tomorrow," you say.

"Time flies, doesn't it?"

You smile. "It does when your life is perfect."

After a few sweet kisses, the fists are pounding on our door again. We're both up, dressed, presentable.

The kids sit on the floor, near the tree, Garrett crawling all over you as he drinks his morning bottle and points to things. He's a pretty baby, though I hate to admit that my son is pretty. Then again, you tell me all the time how pretty I am. I don't mind hearing that from you.

"Oh, look what I got!" Claire yells, for the fifth time. Kim and Alex just laugh, then continue opening their gifts. Becca arrives soon, and I see your eyes sparkle just a little more. It's so beautiful, watching you be so happy.

Once gifts are open, it's time for breakfast. I sit at the counter, or breakfast bar as you like to call it, surrounded by children, helping Garrett eat his crackers as he sits in his high chair, banging his cup against the tray. I think he'll be a drummer, that boy.

"Daddy, I knew you would get home last night," Claire says, before spooning another bite of waffles into her mouth.

"You did? How did you know?" I ask, laughing as she wipes at the whipped cream on her nose.

"Because Santa brought you home. I heard it."

My brow wrinkles a bit. "You did? You heard Santa bring me home?"

"Yep."

I'm curious, wondering where she came up with this.

"What makes you think Santa brought me? How come I didn't just drive myself?"

"Well, I heard Mommy talking to him."

You pause, slowly turning around to face us.

"You did?" I ask. Alarms are beginning to go off in my head.

"Yeah. She was yelling 'Oh yes, Santa! Yes!' in your room last night, so I know she was happy that Santa brought you home."

Your face turns bright red. My heart stops. Alex starts to gag. Kim mutters under her breath, "I think I'm gonna be sick." Becca sits back, smiling at us both.

"I love this house," she says.

Claire continues to happily eat her breakfast. Garrett banging away on his high chair. Alex trying to focus on his new DS game. Kim mumbling to herself about her horny parents. Becca watching all of us with a look of happiness on her face.

I stand up, pushing away from the counter and walking into the kitchen where you are. Your eyes watch me, worried about what I'm going to do.

Walking up to you, I pull you into my arms, dipping my head down to yours. "Merry Christmas, Baby," I whisper just before I kiss you silly.

We're surrounded by groans, giggles, gagging. But we don't care. This is our house, our family, our Christmas.

And it's perfect.

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**A/N: Hope you all have a very Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year, and everything in between! I've got more outtakes in the works, so keep this baby alerted. That way you'll see them when they pop up. :)**

**Reviews are better than kids overhearing you doing the deed. Even when they don't know EXACTLY what you're doing. Trust me...**

**Leave one.**


	64. Outtake Three Tattoo

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would have let me shave his head for him. I do it for my hubs all the time, I've totally got that hairstyle down. :) Plus he would have let me play with it first. :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I'm sick, feel like crap, so please forgive me. :) I wanted to get this out on Friday the 13th. It's still Friday the 13th of me. Barely. :)**

**This is for _Luxure_. She wanted some of the Daddy/Daughter weekend when Bella was gone to Leah's wedding. I hope she likes this. :)**

**This story is for my wifey, _Mrs. Robward. _It's funny...we talk for hours on the phone, and it's still never long enough. :D That's a sign of love, right there. :D**

**Nobody preread this. It might totally suck. Sorry if that's the case. But I like it... :)**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. This outtake is not. It's also based on something from my real life. A few things, actually. There's nothing like a dad having a tea party with his daughter. My hubs kinda rocks sometimes. :)**

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… **Outtake Three – Tattoo … Edward …**

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We sit around a small table, tiny chairs, tea cups in hand, me and her. She and I. A year ago, I never would have imagined myself like this. A tea party with a talkative six year old girl. She's so much like you, her mother. And I love it. More than I could ever express.

It's Friday night and you're gone to Leah's wedding, leaving me alone with Claire. For the first time, it's longer than just a few hours.

I really hope I don't screw it all up.

Mess up her bed time. Forget to make her brush her teeth. Pour too much bubble bath in her bath water.

The worst thing about me fucking this all up is that she'll tell you. I know it, it's like she's allergic to keeping secrets. Sometimes I love it. Other times...not so much.

"Daddy?" she says, looking up at me with an expression you often wear.

"Yeah, Claire Bear?"

"What's that picture on your leg?"

I'd been waiting for this to come up. She doesn't know much about tattoos, other than they're bad. I almost always wear jeans, or dress pants, or sleep pants. Always something long. The few times I didn't, she was distracted, not paying attention. I didn't know what to say, still don't, and I really wish you were here.

"Well, that's a picture. It's called a tattoo and it's a picture of a black cougar."

"How did you get that?" She's still playing with her tea set, moving cookies from her plate to mine.

"Well, when I was in college, I went to a place with some of my friends, and I thought it looked nice, so I got it." I decided to leave out the part about being drunk off my ass and having my heart in pieces. She didn't need to know why I'd done it, that I'd done it to remember you...Mrs. Black, my very own cougar.

"Did it hurt? How did they get it to stay on there? With glue?"

I smile at her, so sweet and innocent. "No, they used a machine and it had some needles in it. They poked into my skin and put some ink in there, and that's what made the picture."

"I don't like needles. They hurt me. Didn't it hurt, Daddy?" she says, looking at me as though I've lost my mind. At that point in my life, I thought I had.

"Yeah, it hurt a lot."

"Then why, Daddy? When things make ouchies on me, I don't do them."

"That's because you're smart," I say, reaching across the table and taking her little chin between my thumb and index finger. She smiles, looking so much like you.

I miss you.

It's ridiculous. You're only gone for two nights, and have only been gone a few hours, and I already miss you.

"How come I didn't see that picture before?"

"Well, because I wear pants usually, so it's covered up."

Her head tilts to the side, like yours does when you're thinking about something.

"I think it's 'cause you had all that hair on it before, and now it's so slippery."

I laugh. "Well, that's a tradition, sweetie. I shaved the hair off of it today because it's Friday the 13th. It's something my grandpa did, too."

"Your grandpa had a picture on him, too? Why did he do that?" Her little brow scrunches together, I know she's confused.

"Well, he was in a war and lots of men got tattoos then. I don't know why, they just did." I'm grasping at straws, here. I hope I'm not messing this up too bad.

"That's silly. Where they big and strong and tough like you are?"

I smile, loving the way she sees me. "You think I'm big and strong and tough, huh?" I say, straightening the floppy old lady hat on my head.

She giggles, the way I always love. "I forgot your necklace, Daddy!" She jumps up, running across the room. The string of oversized plastic pearls she returns with makes me smile.

"I can't believe we forgot my necklace. Now I'll be super pretty, huh?" I say, sliding the strand over my head.

"I'm tired of tea party, Daddy. Let's play Polly Pockets. You can be the white haired one, I'm gonna be the brown haired one. She looks like Mommy. Plus that white haired one has bigger boobies."

She hurries over to her shelf, pulling out a box filled with dolls and rubbery clothes. She drops on the floor, dumping it out on the rug.

At least I'll get to undress one hot chick tonight. Even if she is blonde with plastic tits.

Though I'll always prefer brunettes.

And real boobs.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: This is for my grandpa, my brother, and my cousin. I love tattoos and Friday the 13th. I have my grandpa to thank for that. And my brother and cousin to thank for the continuation of traditions. :)**

**Reviews are better than Edward in a floppy grandma hat and a string of pearls.**

**Leave one.**


	65. Outtake Four Dinner

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. If I did, Rpattz would be wooing me with flowers and candy and dinner and dessert and lingerie and sex toys... What? It's Valentine's Day. He knows what I like. :D**

**This is unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes belong to me. I've been sick, so I just finished this. It did get preread by my lovely girl _Luxure_, but she was in the middle of reading about condoms and sperm and sexual enhancement drugs. Man, I wish I'd been able to take a college class that talked about that kinda stuff! :D**

**This is for my sweet, loving, beautiful, thoughtful wifey, _Mrs. Robward. _She sent me such a sweet Valentine's Card, and of course...mine to her is late. I'm always late, but hopefully this and the cute picture I gave her on Facebook will help ease the pain until her card and something special show up in her mailbox. :D This is the outtake that she specifically requested, so it's all for her.**

**I know I have other stuff I'm supposed to be writing, and I'm trying. Hopefully soon I'll have something to show in that regard. :) I did write a cute Valentine o/s for the_ Countdown to Valentine's Day 2012 - Risque V-Day!_ Mine is Chapter 9, _Hearts of Grass_. I'll post it here in a few days. :) I also contributed a chapter to the BIG multi-author story that will post soon. Mine's the second to the last...and I kinda love it. :) (take out the ()'s)**

**http:/www().()fanfiction().()net/s/7728398/1/Countdown_to_Valentines_Day_2012_Risque_VDay**

****disclaimer ****

**This story is a bit taboo. This outtake is borderline taboo. It is Valentine's Day, afterall. We need something a little citrus-y. :D Also, this outtake occurs the night before the first chapter, so this is a little lead up to how things started. Edward and Bella are still new into their sneaking around, but you'll figure it out. :D**

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… **Outtake Four – Dinner … Edward …**

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

She asked me to dinner. I said yes in a second.

I know she thinks it's for her, but it's not. It's for you. I know you'll be here, I can see you, maybe touch you. I need it. It's been days since I last had you.

Four fucking days.

It's hard to stay away from you for even two minutes, much less four days.

We sit around the table, him sitting in the head seat. Like he's a king. Like he rules more than just what's in this house. Like he's the last word to everything ever.

I hate him.

I sit across from you, watch you. You keep your eyes down, not drawing attention. Leah leans into me, whispering silly things. I nod, say yes or no when I need to. Nothing more, I'm too distracted. By you.

"So Edward, you ready for school to start? You're playing football again, aren't you?" he asks. Leah smiles, happy he's interested in me.

I could care less, except that your hand flinches, your fork hits the plate.

I know what you think of me in my football uniform. I saw you watching me practice, remember how you helped me peel off my uniform later that afternoon. I'm sure my cleat prints are still in the dirt of the field. It was only four days ago.

"Yeah, I'm playing. The team looks good this year, I think we should do pretty well."

"I know the cheerleaders are excited to cheer you guys on, you'll be so great," she says, kissing my cheek.

Your eyes close. You hate it. It makes me smile, inside. You're jealous.

My foot reaches out, finds your leg. Leah hates that I wear flip flop sandals. I like it, at least today I do. My bare toes inch up your leg, under your skirt, and you shiver. You stop eating. Let out a long, deep breath.

"Bella? Everything alright?" he asks. Like he cares. As if he gives one flying fuck about you. Please, he's such a liar.

"Yes, fine," you mumble, chewing another bite of meatloaf.

My foot goes higher, farther, deeper and closer. Your thighs shift apart, let me in. I can feel the heat of you, I slump down just a tad, pushing until I feel damp, wet panties. My toes are some happy motherfuckers. It's all I can do to not grin, smile, groan in delight. You feel good.

Your left hand grabs the table cloth, and I watch as you struggle to keep a straight face. I'm getting to you, I love it.

My toes wiggle, teasing you. I'm not interested in food anymore, but you made it. I'll take anything from you that I can get. I shovel it in fast, needing to be done.

You squirm, sigh, cough to cover it up.

"Are you getting sick, Bella?" he asks.

"No, um, I'm just not too hungry. I think I'll go get dessert ready."

You stand and leave, not so steady on your feet. I did that, I nearly got you off while your family sat around the table with you. If only you'd stayed, I'd have finished the job.

"Come on, help me pick out some clothes for school next week," Leah says, pulling me from the table when we're done. Everyone leaves their dishes there, for you to pick up. So selfish. Inconsiderate. They don't know what they have in you. But I do.

Leah shows me shirt after shirt, skirt after skirt. Her door is open, the way he says it needs to be. Not that I want to touch her here or anywhere else, anyway. I haven't done more than kiss her in weeks, not since I had you the first time.

"Edward, what do you think about this one, baby?" she asks, holding up a very short, very tight skirt. I'm assuming she bought it at Hooker's R Us, but I could be wrong. It could have been Slut-Mart or Skank World.

"I think your father would shoot you dead before he'd let you out of the house in that," I say, laughing.

"Maybe I'll just wear it for you, then," she whispers, crawling onto my lap and kissing me, shoving her tongue down my throat.

I let her have me for a few seconds, then pull back, pushing her off my lap. Her bottom lip pouts, I know she's mad.

"I gotta go call my mom quick, I'll be right back."

"Just use your cell phone," she says, pulling my arm.

"No, she wants proof I'm at your house. I'll just run downstairs. I'll be right back."

I need to see you, this is as good an excuse as any.

He's in his study, the door's closed but I can hear him on the phone. He's talking sweetly to someone, I can tell. Sick hypocrite. The little kids are in bed, I saw you run them down the hall to their rooms. The others are watching tv, not paying any attention. Not like they usually do.

You're in the kitchen, washing dishes. Like always. I sneak up behind you, running my finger down your arm.

You startle at my touch, then relax and breath again.

"I need to see you, be with you," I whisper in your ear, letting my tongue flick out and lick you.

"I can't, I almost got caught the other day."

"Bella, I can't go this long without you. I'm almost willing to whip it out and fuck you from behind right here. Find a way."

You shake at my words, looking back at me.

"I'll take a walk. Go to the field, where the old barn is. I'll meet you there in an hour."

"Don't wear any panties, you know how I like that."

You giggle, leaning into my chest.

"I already took them off. Someone made them all wet."

"Fuck, baby," I moan. I can't stop my hand from falling to your hip, running down your thigh, inching under your skirt and moving quickly back up. Bare, slick, wet, hot. "Damn it, Bella."

"Maybe half an hour. We have church in the morning, I wouldn't want to make you late for your altar boy duties."

I take my hand out of you, out of your skirt, and bring it to my lips. You watch as I suck my fingers clean, taking you in.

"So good."

You smile. "It'll be even better later, I promise. Now go, I gotta finish this so I can go for my walk. Tell Leah you're going home, and then meet me."

I lean in, kiss your neck. I want so much to tell you that I love you, that you're the only woman for me, but I can't. I won't scare you, freak you out. I'll wait, be patient. My time will come, our time will come.

Until then, we'll keep sneaking around, going to that field where your dad's old barn is. The farm you grew up on, the one that's been abandoned since your parents moved away years and years ago.

"Soon." Your skin pebbles at my whispered word, my breath fanning over your neck.

I hurry back to Leah, tell her I'm needed at home. She's sad, disappointed, but she'll see me at church in the morning, and really, how much trouble can I get into just on my way home?

With any luck, she'll never know.

~:O:~:O:~:O:~

**A/N: Happy Valentine's Day to my sweet Valentine... Love you chickie! :)**

**Oh, and have you read _Going Under_ by sparklnfade? Seriously...Surfer Edward...so good. And it just finished. Ugh...I loved it. :) (take out the ()'s)**

**http:/www().()fanfiction().()net/s/7728698/1/Going_Under**

**Reviews are better than Edward feeling you up under the dining table. Well...that very well could be a lie. I'll need to check into that and let you know. :)**

**Leave one.**


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